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  • #1

    If you could ask Jesus one question...

    If you could ask Jesus one question, what would it be?

    Please post your (respectful) questions here.



    Myself, I'd like to know why He decided to leave those pesky mosquitos on Noah's Ark. I mean, couldn't we have just let them drown?
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

    What,just the ONE question?

    Hmm..in that case,think it'd have to be WHY didn't he prevent a load of misogynistic blokes from writing the Bible?



    In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

      I would ask what did they do with all that doodoo on the Ark.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        If you could ask Jesus one question, what would it be?

        Please post your (respectful) questions here.



        Myself, I'd like to know why He decided to leave those pesky mosquitos on Noah's Ark. I mean, couldn't we have just let them drown?
        Well, the answer's perfectly simple. I'd ask him;
        Do your ears hang low,
        Do they wobble to and fro,
        Can you tie them in a knot,
        Can you tie them in a bow,
        Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
        Like a Continental Soldier,
        Do your ears hang low?


        Ok, seriously, I'd ask him, if he existed, what it's like to be a most likely illegitimate peasant man who had stories from older Pagan religions adapted, grafted onto his life, and made into one of the biggest cults on Earth. That's a pretty important question, really..
        sigpic
        Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

          First of all, everyone ignore that Rachael Hellsinker up there She better be Hoping that His Ears are in fact tiny; so tiny that they can not hear this Blasphemy.

          Okay! I'd ask Jesus how he manages to keep His Robe looking so clean and brilliantly blue all the time. Do they have laundromats in Heaven? For sure they don't have the "ancient Chinese secret" up there because Certainly there are no Chinamen up in Heaven.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

            I'm posting for two people for this reply, isn't that fun?

            Rex would ask Jesus if he would ever cut his hair.

            I would ask him if, seeing as he's a snail, he would ever consider eating himself as escargot.
            This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

              Originally posted by Undecided View Post
              I would ask him if, seeing as he's a snail, he would ever consider eating himself as escargot.
              Blessings, Sister Alie! I figured if no one else got in on this pretty soon, I was Sure to be declared a Heretic

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
                Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                  Why can't women come up with original thoughts?
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                    Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                    Why can't women come up with original thoughts?
                    This from a man who uses a literal reading of an anthology of fragmented Bronze Age texts as his guide to modern life?
                    Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                      I'd ask him what kind of coffee he likes.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                        Originally posted by Aethereal View Post
                        I'd ask him what kind of coffee he likes.
                        Oh, silly, silly, non-Christian!

                        Obviously it is a double latte mocha frappucino from Starbucks.

                        How do I know? The Bible told me so!

                        Or maybe it was somewhere else I heard it. Anyway - it is The Truth™

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                          Originally posted by SUV View Post
                          Oh, silly, silly, non-Christian!

                          Obviously it is a double latte mocha frappucino from Starbucks.

                          How do I know? The Bible told me so!

                          Or maybe it was somewhere else I heard it. Anyway - it is The Truth™
                          I thought you people hated Starbucks.
                          Starbucks Hates God - The Landover Baptist Church Forum
                          http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=3178&highlight=starbucks
                          Keep up to date with an ever-changing world from an even more Godlier perspective than FOX News.
                          Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                            Originally posted by SUV View Post
                            Blessings, Sister Alie! I figured if no one else got in on this pretty soon, I was Sure to be declared a Heretic
                            Well, Sister, as soon as you proposed the theory that Jesus was a Snail, I immediately knew it must be true - it just makes so much sense! Everything is all so clear to me now! And I just couldn't leave you alone on this one, could I?


                            Aethereal, I think he drinks [flashback to Zoolander]Orange Mocha Frappucinos![/flashback to Zoolander]
                            This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                              Hmm.... I would ask Jesus if he finds watching us stupid earthlings amusing.

                              Comment

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