[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Chile, if you gets you a PM from that papacist Father Mo, you best not answer it! He be perferrin' the company of boys, but ain't no chile thass safe from a cathylick when they gets desperate. Then again, you does look like you might be too old to catch Father Mo's attention.

Oh you don't haveta tell me 'bout bad Cafwicks Auntie Latifah. They done eated up all the Shaw-Nessy Tripwets an' poor Antie Annabel coun't do nuthin' bout it. We awe juss' cried an' cried.

I see a bad Cafwick, I juss' throw rocks an' run away screamin the bad Cafwick's gonna steal me fer Satan.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Er....I mean.....be more polite to SUV, Little Girl.

Okay Uncow Pister; I'ma be a good girl now.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

There there, precious one, you're safe with us now.

Did you know that I have a grandson who's close to your age? If you're a good girl, then when you grow up, perhaps Jesus will let you marry him, do the cooking and cleaning in a Godly household, and bake more soldiers for Him. Won't that be wonderful? It'll be just like playing house, except for grown-ups.

Boys is icky! Euuuuw!

I fink maybe Jesus din't make boys; that wuz probly Satan; he done it an' made them awe bad like that. 'FI seea boy, I jess Throw rock at 'em, like I do thuh bad Cafwicks.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I'ma say my night prayerses now.

Oh Jeevus, fank you fer pertectin' Auntie Noddy an keepin her from bein' awe evow when she done the bad number.

Fank you Jeevus fer heopin' me ta' get back home an' scapin' thuh bad Japernese peopow'.

But most of awe, Jeevus, pwease heop me. I wanna be juss' wike Auntie Talitha when I grow up. She's soooooo purdy, an' I'm awe ugly. I juss' wanna cry. SO, pwease Jeevus, pweese, pweese, pweease Jeevus, heowp me be like Auntie Talitha.

Thank You Jeevus, Gnite

[Miss Maisie]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Don't worry, sugarpie, I've seen the ugliest of ducklings turn into belles before, and who's to say that won't happen for y'all, sweetie?

Mind, you should ask your Daddy to tithe plenty to this holy church, now, because there's no quicker way for the Lord to hear your pleas than to give generously to HIS chosen church and Pastors! Especially as they might have their own plastic surgery studio and all...

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Don't worry, sugarpie, I've seen the ugliest of ducklings turn into belles before, and who's to say that won't happen for y'all, sweetie?

Mind, you should ask your Daddy to tithe plenty to this holy church, now, because there's no quicker way for the Lord to hear your pleas than to give generously to HIS chosen church and Pastors! Especially as they might have their own plastic surgery studio and all...

I'ma tell my Daddy ta' give like a whow lot ta' Jeevus, soon as I see him. He's been gone a whow long time on accounta thuh baby sitter was aposted ta' go home, like, I dunno. Mawmy says, he's good fer nuthin anyways. But she's off wif' a Pastoor upstaiows; they been prayin' reaow hard, awe penny costow-like & stuff.

I'm kinda hungwy; you gots a sand witch?

Pwease Miss Maisie...

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

You know, 5YOG, paper bags can do wondrous things and are a lot cheaper than surgery....

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!



Heowp me Miss Maisie, thuh bad wicker puwson is tawkin at me. I fink she wants ta' hang me from a kitty tree. Pwease save me from thuh bad wicker puwson Miss Maisie, I don' wanna be skinned fer Satan. (Sniff!) I'm eskeered.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Why Rachael, you shameless hussy, how can you talk to this poor little darling like that! At least she don't have her eyes crossed like y'all, sugar. And she's accepted the Lord into her heart and is SAVED, unlike y'all!

Five, sweetie, I don't got no sandwiches at the moment, sugarpie. It's a shame Ma'am Glendora isn't here, she seems a mighty fine cook who is an inspiration for a gal like me.
Why are your parents not feeding you properly, sugar?
However, I do hope, young lady, that y'all aren't trying to eat snacks between meals and spoil your appetite. That wouldn't be pleasing to your Momma, going to all the trouble to make nice meals for y'all.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I din't mean to. Liddow Billy said a life saber in't gonna make me lose thuh contest an' Mawmy says dinner isn't till Thursday. (sob!) I'm sorry, Miss Maise, it wuz juss' one (sniff!) life saber. I din't mean ta' be a bad sinner girl. Pwease don't make me go ta' heck. I'ow never do it again. WaaaaaH!

[Miss Maisie]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

You won't go to hell for that, sugarpie! Not unless y'all have angered God, of course. Mind you, maybe next time, y'all should go with a sugarfree snack. Or a more Godly snack, like Ma'am Glendora's snickerdoodles.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Not having dinner until thursday?? What is that, some kind of crazy religious fast?

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Pwease bad wicker lady, I din't do nuthin ta' you. Pwease don't skin me 'live ab' feed me ta' yer dark lord an damnavior. I'ma good girl.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa!

[Miss Maisie]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Don't worry about the bad witch, sugarpie. When she gets her hiney kicked off to hell, we'll be able to watch and laugh as she is skinned alive. Now, won't that be fun?

[SUV]

Re: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Well! I am at least Gratified to see that she is being Properly Polite to Pasta Ale Pizzle. It's a start!

Yes, "Jeopardy" Certainly is the operative Word, here