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  • Jedediah
    True Christian™ Creation Scientist
    Fisher of Men
    True Christian™
    • Feb 2010
    • 6824
    #1

    God strikes Christopher Hitchens in the espophagus!

    I and many others have been praying for some time now that God strike atheofascist author Christopher Hitchens in the marrow. Today, God answered our prayers.

    Originally posted by AP
    WASHINGTON — British author Christopher Hitchens says he must undergo chemotherapy on his esophagus and has canceled some engagements.


    The 61-year-old Hitchens, whose most recent book, "Hitch-22," is on Publishers Weekly's best-sellers list, posted a message on his publisher's website that he had been told by his doctor that he must undergo a course of chemotherapy. Hitchens expressed regret for having to cancel engagements on short notice.


    His publisher issued a statement saying the author was being given his privacy during the treatments.


    The author, essayist and columnist lives near DuPont Circle. He has written more than a dozen books and enjoyed surprising commercial success three years ago with "God Is Not Great," a direct attack on religion.
    I see this as a wonderful opportunity for Landover Baptist. Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no atheists with cancer. When these deluded fools realize that hell is truly approaching, they always turn to God.

    The question remains, though: Will Hitchens join a liberal false Christian congregation and be on no better a path, or will he become a True Christian™? If we witness to him and guide him toward Salvation™, it will be an inspiring story of redemption that will guide other atheists and false believers to True Christianity™. By guiding this one lost sheep to Jesus, we will effectively be bringing a legion of lost souls to the LORD.

    Luke 15:7-10
    I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.     Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it?
    And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.
    Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

    Imagine how pleased Jesus will be with us when we bring so much joy to the angels in Heaven!

    I propose that we organize a mission group to pay several visits to Mr. Hitchens for the purpose of witnessing to him and bringing him Home to Jesus. Any idea where this "Dupont Circle" place is? Hopefully there is an airfield nearby so we can take one of the AirJesus Gulfstream G550s.

    I will bring this up again during Fellowship tonight.
    II Thessalonians 1:7-9
    And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
    In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
    Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
    The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
    Tags: atheists: vain godless scum, cancer, christopher hitchens
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556
      #2
      Re: God strikes Christopher Hitchens in the espophagus!

      Shout GLORY! I've been praying for Jesus to strike the vocal chords of that fat drunken atheist for years now! I'm on my way to his hospital bed, so I can bring him over to Christ.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Billy Bob Jenkins
          Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
          About as Straight and Manly as you can get
          Hates anal sex. And trees.
          True Christian™
          • May 2010
          • 8337
          #3
          Re: God strikes Christopher Hitchens in the espophagus!

          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
          Shout GLORY! I've been praying for Jesus to strike the vocal chords of that fat drunken atheist for years now! I'm on my way to his hospital bed, so I can bring him over to Christ.
          That is exactly what Mr. Hitchens needs right now, a bunch of Christians surrounding him, giving their testimony.
          The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

            Comment

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