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  • Seeker
    Thank you Pastor Pistle!
    Forum Member
    • Aug 2007
    • 966
    #1

    What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

    I am sick of negativity on this holy forum. We need something positive going on here. Testimonies please...

    This is for the saved only. I think I am close to this.


    I am happy that Jesus sent me a refund from State Farm in the mail for 24 bucks that I over payed through the years. See, that can happen if you tithe. You get a hundred fold back!

    Bush is helping me with my insurance plan. I can praise Jesus that I am not drowning in 2k of medical bills anymore. Yep, I just payed it all out of my pocket. Hard earned savings is drained. At least I worked for it. I would be better if I did not work, but that is for another topic... Praise the Lord.

    Well, I am still alive! Can't think of much more.

    Anyone else want to share the glory...

    If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
    Tags: None
    • Sister Noddy
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2007
      • 1843
      #2
      Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

      Originally posted by Seeker View Post

      I am happy that Jesus sent me a refund from State Farm in the mail for 24 bucks that I over payed through the years. See, that can happen if you tithe. You get a hundred fold back!
      Oh goody, 24 whole dollars! Now you can

      ... for Jesus' sake
      1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
      1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...

      1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

      Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
      Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78555
          #3
          Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

          Originally posted by Seeker View Post
          I am sick of negativity on this holy forum. We need something positive going on here. Testimonies please...

          This is for the saved only. I think I am close to this.


          I am happy that Jesus sent me a refund from State Farm in the mail for 24 bucks that I over payed through the years. See, that can happen if you tithe. You get a hundred fold back!


          Anyone else want to share the glory...
          Don't you just hate the way those insurace companies jew everyone?

          Insurance is nothing but a legalized form of gambling. Jesus will return to cleanse the earth with a firey sword sticking out of His mouth long before you can collect those ill-gotten insurance gains, believe you me.

          Revelations 19:12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
          19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
          19:14 And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
          19:15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
          19:16 And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.
          Glory!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • Seeker
              Thank you Pastor Pistle!
              Forum Member
              • Aug 2007
              • 966
              #4
              Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

              Insurance is nothing but a legalized form of gambling. Jesus will return to cleanse the earth with a firey sword sticking out of His mouth long before you can collect those ill-gotten insurance gains, believe you me.
              Really? Glory! that is good to know.

              See, I could just have faith in faith and give up in all insurance and what not. That would prove that Jesus is Lord and not some 4o1k crapland farmersgeicoscrewretirementcuzjesuswillmeetyathere amen!

              If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                Comment

                • Nobar King
                  Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                  Christ's Guardian
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 23748
                  #5
                  Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                  Originally posted by Seeker View Post
                  Bush is helping me...
                  Thank the lord for GHWB. He was able to increase the Death Tax threshold. That savings alone was helpful in greiving my loss and despair. I can't imagine how I would have been able to cope under Al (what's yours is mine) Gore.
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment

                    • Brother Temperance
                      Senior Usher
                      True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                      A very nice young man
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 15621
                      #6
                      Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                      Jesus gave me a good laugh the other day. It's kind of hard to explain how funny this was, but I saw some little Jewboy just a-wandering around town as though he had as much right to be there as any normal man! Boy did that crack me up! That simple-minded hebe looked as though he hadn't even realised he was doomed to eternal damnation for rejecting Christ yet! I was laughing so hard I could barely throw a rock at him. I was glad I did, though - have you ever seen a yid trying to run at high speed (of course, kikes attempting athletic feats of any kind are always pretty funny anyway) while trying to hold his evil little black hat on with one hand? Priceless, seriously priceless. Good times.
                      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • Nobar King
                          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                          Christ's Guardian
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2007
                          • 23748
                          #7
                          Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                          Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                          Thank the lord for GHWB. He was able to increase the Death Tax threshold. That savings alone was helpful in greiving my loss and despair. I can't imagine how I would have been able to cope under Al (what's yours is mine) Gore.
                          Sorry, I meant 'dubya'.
                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                            Comment

                            • Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
                              Scientific Advisor
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 2373
                              #8
                              Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                              Just last week I was working on disproving evolution by taking battery acid and mixing it with various substances to see if I could get a human to pop out (guess what the results of that scientific study were: negative). Well I guess I was a bit clumsy and dripped some (around 500mL) of the battery acid into a 40 of malt whiskey that one of the local slaves servants must have left lying around, open, on my desk, half-drunk. Anyways, later that evening, as I was packing up my things to go, I heard the loudest yell of all -- seems that Jamal, the cleaning boy, decided to take a swig of it (come to find out, apparently he had his name stamped on it in 3 different places with a big black sharpie -- who knew?). Watching that darkie a-whooping and a-hollering for close to an hour while turning all sorts of colors was just too much! I was in stitches all night, until he decided to be mean and just play dead to ruin my fun.

                              But glory, Jesus did turn that bad situation into a good one! And I would've thought He would have punished me for being so clumsy with the acid!
                              Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                                Comment

                                • Pastor Isaac Peters
                                  Senior Pastor
                                  Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                                  Always Biblically correct
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 10639
                                  #9
                                  Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                                  God is indeed my comforter (Isaiah 51:12). Whenever I am down in the dumps and feeling distant from Him, He reminds me of how abundantly He has blessed me by not making me like the starving children in Africa, the people whose lives have been destroyed by tsunamis and other disasters, or people with profound retardation or other birth defects. Then I feel better, knowing that I am bathed in His love.
                                  This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                                  Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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                                    Comment

                                    • Deaner
                                      Christ's Love Messenger
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 5932
                                      #10
                                      Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                                      Originally posted by Seeker View Post
                                      I am happy that Jesus sent me a refund from State Farm in the mail for 24 bucks that I over payed through the years. See, that can happen if you tithe. You get a hundred fold back!
                                      Ok, so let's do the math. You got a hundred-fold back which was twenty four dollars. Which means you tithed twenty four cents. Friend, do you not wonder why you got sick and had to pay out of your own pocket?

                                        Comment

                                        • Seeker
                                          Thank you Pastor Pistle!
                                          Forum Member
                                          • Aug 2007
                                          • 966
                                          #11
                                          Re: What has J.E.S.U.S done for you today

                                          Originally posted by Deaner View Post
                                          Ok, so let's do the math. You got a hundred-fold back which was twenty four dollars. Which means you tithed twenty four cents. Friend, do you not wonder why you got sick and had to pay out of your own pocket?
                                          Whoopsie, I am poor.

                                          If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                                            Comment

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