[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brothers HP and Tannor,
I was truly inspired last night and felt I must share it with you today. I was Tuning into Cops as Brother Tannor suggested and was able to catch his friend Dolly's TV debut! That woman can really fight for as small as she is! Brother T was that you with your shirt off and face digitalized that the police were questioning in the background? What a fine episode and what a fine woman too!
I'm sorry I digressed but while watching this I had an inspiration concerning your 900 phone bank. Do either of you know someone in the state Penal system, not Dolly but anyone on the good guys side? I have heard that prisoners normally get 25 cents an hour to work i the rehab projects run at the prisons. It is supposed to give them a sense of earning an honest dollar(every 4 hours I mean). If you were to offer ,say a $2 bonus, if the prisoners were able to get a person to sign up. It will be easy to keep up with how many people they sign up as you will accept credit card payments for your packages.
Let me know if you can think of a contact in the prison system then I will flesh out my thoughts on this project...This is like being back at work at Haliburton!

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brothers HP and Tannor,
I was truly inspired last night and felt I must share it with you today. I was Tuning into Cops as Brother Tannor suggested and was able to catch his friend Dolly's TV debut! That woman can really fight for as small as she is! Brother T was that you with your shirt off and face digitalized that the police were questioning in the background? What a fine episode and what a fine woman too!

Dolly is a “looker” isn’t she?

Don’t believe everything you hear from the narrators on those “sensational” shows.

Dolly and I were sitting in the trailer and I noticed an alarming shortage in the scotch bottle. Dotty volunteered to go for a “rum run” but I discouraged that since she couldn’t find the front door.

Ralph, the quadriplegic made the same offer, but his wheelchair battery was getting a bit low, so when Dolly stepped up, I just gave her a handful of greenbacks and said I’d ride shotgun.

Well, we were near the “candy shop” when the sirens started sounding. I fell out of exited the front door and asked the prick officer who was wearing the badge, and here I’m a paid-up member of the local police burial society and asked the officer how I could help.

He told me to get back in the car and while I was doing that my shirt caught on the door’s striker plate and was torn away from my buff body.


So, Dolly fell out of the driver’s seat while trying to get out of her seat belt and the pigs the officers decided to feel her up check her ID’s. She got a bit frisky and the next thing I know she’s in cuffs.

To make a long story short, I called my joo lawyer and he straightened things out, although it cost me a pretty penny, I can tell you. (Dolly promised to “work it out”)

I will be writing a letter to the editor of the Freehold News protesting these Gestapo tactics.


I'm so upset about this travesty of justice that I will have to get back to you for your other ideas.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Exciting news Brothers and Sisters!

I've decided to take my Global and Worldwide Business public! I will be meeting my 4 employees at Denny's for breakfast tomorrow and we hope to have the prospectus finished by noon. Once it is filed with the SEC and available for public review, I'll be able to have conference calls with investors and Wall Street brokerage firms to discuss all the details that I can legally disclose.

But I can tell you this much:

We need capital to operate and expand. The focus is always on recruiting and building The Business the old fashioned way with hard work. But the business opportunity has been a tough sell, largely because it is so complex that the average person cannot understand. Once we get any further than drawing the circles on the flip chart, most have a zombie look in their eyes. Consequentially, we have deleted all of our reserves and are forced to go public in order to survive.

I have purchased a shell company registered in the state of Nevada with the SEC. Prior to the bankruptcy, their shares were traded as "NULL" on the Pink Sheets. Not sure what the ticker symbol abbreviation stood for as there is little information about the company. The important thing is that I was able to acquire access to Wall Street for very little cost. Of course, we will change the symbol to something more suitable when we open for trading on the OTC:BB.

Preliminary IPO date is late September. I'm structuring how many shares will be available initially versus "follow-on" offerings, keeping dilution and MC in mind.

But I expect to be able to offer preferred stock at .01 per share! Common stock for substantially less! Do you have any idea what an opportunity this is? $100 buys you 10,000 senior shares in my company! A hundred dollars gets you how many shares of the speculative companies on the NASDAQ?

Get in on the ground floor friends! I won't rest until we are on the Big Board!

In Jesus Christ!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Get in on the ground floor friends! I won't rest until we are on the Big Board!

In Jesus Christ!

Count me in for a grand, Brother. The Lord's work here on earth must continue.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Praise Jesus, Brother Porter, you’re going to the big time!

When I received this news I immediately convened a meeting of my Brain Trust right here in the trailer. Dolly, Dotty, Jolene, Ralph (the quadriplegic), and I all sat down for a “powwow” and discussed your IPO at great length.

I kept the meeting minutes, Jolene was in charge of refreshments, Ralph (with a pencil clutched in his teeth) ran the calculator, and Dolly and Dotty were in charge of writing on the walls since I didn’t have a flip chart available.

By the time the meeting was over, we decided to pool our resources and purchase a block of your shares.

Ah, but I leap ahead too far. Let me digress.

In order to garner a sum beyond our current cash reserves, we set up a fund-raising plan which includes:

Jolene is putting her manufacturing prowess into overdrive and will have several gallons of her wonderful cough medicine on the market tomorrow morning.

Dotty and Dolly will be offering a series of private sessions with potential investors. They’re thinking each of them is good for six “consultations” daily for the next week or so.

Ralph will take his performance art to the streets here in the park and present his juggling skills featuring three kittens and a Bowie knife. He will have a donation box in the Little Red Wagon he tows behind his wheelchair.

I will be sorting through my moped salvage yard for copper and aluminum scraps that can be turned into immediate cash at the LBC recycling yard.

We conservatively estimate that we can pull in as much as three hundred dollars plus during the coming week. Combine that hefty sum with our immediate reserves of a cool eighty-five smackeroos and we will have nearly four hundred to invest with you.

One final note:

During our brainstorming session, Dolly and Dotty expressed a strong interest in a seat on your board of directors because of our substantial investment. Not two seats, mind you, just one that they will share. While one of them is entertaining new clients, the other will lend her talents in devising new business strategies.

With their awesome skills in one-on-one relationships combined with your organizational skills, I’m seeing win-win here.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Praise Jesus, Brother Porter, you’re going to the big time!

By the time the meeting was over, we decided to pool our resources and purchase a block of your shares.

Praise Christ for your shrewd business acumen Brother!


I have several important updates. The prospectus has been filed and we are now registered with the SEC as "CENT" which is an acronym for "Christian Entrepeneurs uNiTed". After a great deal of research and evaluation of our business model and ability to sutain operations as a going concern (business talk), we have decided on the following share structure and capitilization:

975,000,000 authorized shares priced at .01 per share when the OTC/Pink Sheets open for trading on 9/27. We fully expect to sell every single share within an hour of trading. Even if the ask remains at .01, we will have raised nearly 10 million dollars for The Business. Praise Jesus Christ!

We conservatively estimate that we can pull in as much as three hundred dollars plus during the coming week. Combine that hefty sum with our immediate reserves of a cool eighty-five smackeroos and we will have nearly four hundred to invest with you.

If these funds are liquid and available, I would suggest your immediate investment in our senior bonds or warrants. Due to new SEC rules, I cannot gurantee availability of our securities on the open market as demand will be extremely high. Every bond sold by The Business earns 1000 shares of special decorative non-equity stock as a bonus!

During our brainstorming session, Dolly and Dotty expressed a strong interest in a seat on your board of directors because of our substantial investment. Not two seats, mind you, just one that they will share. While one of them is entertaining new clients, the other will lend her talents in devising new business strategies.

Hmm.. I tentatively agree to your proposition. Of course they understand that women board members will serve coffee and scones at board meetings and are not priviledged with any voting rights? And that this is a Christ-centered business and will conduct themselves appropriately?

In Christ!

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

We're "all in" Brother Porter. I can hardly wait for those hefty quarterly dividend checks to start rolling in. (I don't really know what quarterly dividends are but I like to sound like I know what I'm talking about.)

Dolly and Dotty gleefully accept your offer. They understand the restrictions and assure me all they really want to do is make sure that when the board meetings end, the members will have had all their needs fulfilled.

[Choir Girl]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Praise Christ for your shrewd business acumen Brother!

Hmm.. I tentatively agree to your proposition. Of course they understand that women board members will serve coffee and scones at board meetings and are not priviledged with any voting rights? And that this is a Christ-centered business and will conduct themselves appropriately?

In Christ!

I would also like to be considered for a board room serving position. I offer a great deal of organizational skill in the kitchen. I can effectively cater the individual needs of a room full of people without uttering a word. Fresh coffee and warm pies would be served quickly and quietly. This would be a wonderful place for me to meet a potentially wealthy Christian gentleman.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I would also like to be considered for a board room serving position. I offer a great deal of organizational skill in the kitchen. I can effectively cater the individual needs of a room full of people without uttering a word. Fresh coffee and warm pies would be served quickly and quietly. This would be a wonderful place for me to meet a potentially wealthy Christian gentleman.

I showed this to Dolly and Dotty. They are very willing to let you assume the role of scullery maid while they take care of the members of the board.

[Choir Girl]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I showed this to Dolly and Dotty. They are very willing to let you assume the role of scullery maid while they take care of the members of the board.

I am very grateful for the opportunity. I will run silent circles in the background of every event; they won’t even know I’m there. And best they tend to the needs of the board members as I am unskilled in first contact roles. When my age permits I will raise my eyes enough to watch and learn… until then my rubber gloves belong on the floor.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I am very grateful for the opportunity. I will run silent circles in the background of every event; they won’t even know I’m there. And best they tend to the needs of the board members as I am unskilled in first contact roles. When my age permits I will raise my eyes enough to watch and learn… until then my rubber gloves belong on the floor.

I predict a rich, productive relationship among you ladies.

[Choir Girl]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I predict a rich, productive relationship among you ladies.

Words to slave by... and if slaved long and hard enough do you think maybe just maybe we ladies could be independent business owners too one day? Oh glorious daze!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Words to slave by... and if slaved long and hard enough do you think maybe just maybe we ladies could be independent business owners too one day? Oh glorious daze!

Perhaps when you are married and have a True Christian™ man to guide your decisions. I am anxious to expand my downline and tempted to offer you the opportunity for the standard $350. This is a full sample kit of our products (including "feminine" products) and your official IBO certificate.

But after a nearly catastrophic experience with one of Brother Tannor's "friends", the opportunity is no longer available to single women.

In Christ!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

But after a nearly catastrophic experience with one of Brother Tannor's "friends", the opportunity is no longer available to single women.

In Christ!

Speaking of catastrophic experiences, perhaps you've heard that Helen had a wonderful interview with Mrs. Dewitt, and will be moving to Freehold to become her personal assistant!

She says she's still very eager to meet the independent businessman who made her lose her home and go bankrupt helped her make this life change.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

But after a nearly catastrophic experience with one of Brother Tannor's "friends", the opportunity is no longer available to single women.

In Christ!

As I sit in my living room in my single-wide looking at the stuffed armadillo you brought me (instead of the stuffed jackrabbit I really wanted) I've had time to reflect on what you consider to be a "catastrophe" and have arrived at a conclusion that I can only say is a "mea culpa."

Either of the Dingle sisters, Dolly or Dotty, would have been a better choice to send with you. They would have been much more focused on "mission requirements" and made sure I would have gotten my jackrabbit.