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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
What part of "Good" and "Clean" did you miss?
What part of "Good" and "Clean" did you miss?
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Jesus walks into the Hilton hotel with 3 nails and says, "Can you put me up for Easter?"
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Your unclean jokes have been removed. Much more of this stuff, and you'll be put on moderation.O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
- Catholic perversion throughout history
- Does it matter how we praise the Lord?
- How the King James Bible Saved me from anal sex!
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
what was so bad about my jokes??? ive read worse on here considering they are supposed to be good and clean. maybe you could enlighten me with a few guideline so i dont "offend" anyone elseComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Many of them contained filthy unChristian language. Also, a few of them bordered on being slightly racist, and that is not something we will tolerate here at Landover!Originally posted by buddychrist View PostO Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
- Catholic perversion throughout history
- Does it matter how we praise the Lord?
- How the King James Bible Saved me from anal sex!
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
There was a young lady called Alice,
Who peed in an Anglican chalice,
. The min'ster agreed
. 'Twas done out of need
And not out of protestant malice.A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)Comment
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Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Two priest's were urniating in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's thingy. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
A famous nigra buck in Alabama dies after choking on a watermelon seed. As his funeral procession moves through town, two white police officers are standing by to keep things from getting out of hand. One turns to the other and says:
"Now, there goes a good nigra!"sigpicComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: What do you call a darkie in a suit? A: The defendant.O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
- Catholic perversion throughout history
- Does it matter how we praise the Lord?
- How the King James Bible Saved me from anal sex!
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
What's the difference between a joo and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Why do nigras cry during sex?
The Mace.
What did the Alabama sherriff call the tarbaby who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray
L
ve, Sister Thumper
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
LOL! Those are hilarious!
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
How many heterosexual priests does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them.
Why did God make nigra stink?
So blind people would hate them too!Last edited by Virginia Day Templeton; 08-25-2007, 03:00 AM.sigpicComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Hahahaha that's great Mr Prune!Originally posted by Prune Danish View Post
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
How do nuns get laid?
They dress up as altar boys.
Three priests are on a boat with three young boys when the boat
starts sinking. The first priest says 'we've got to save the boys.'
The second priest says 'screw the boys.'
The third priest says 'do you think we've got time?'Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
This guy dies and goes to Heaven. When he gets there, an angel gives him a tour.
They look through one door, and there are huge golden Cathedrals and marble fountains. The Angel says, "That's where the Catholics are."
They look through the next door, and there is a vast forest underneath a bright moonlit sky. The angel says, "That's where the Wiccans are."
They get to the next door, and the angel says "Shhhh!", and they tiptoe quietly past. The angel says, "That's where the Baptists are. They think they are the only ones up here."
--JoeHave you heard the Good News? There are no gods, there is no hell, and the only sin is being mean to other people.
There are no ghosts, pixies, hobgoblins, angels, leprechauns, gods, goddesses, demons, minotaurs, devils, witches, warlocks, dragons, or spirits.
Prayer, magic spells, and doing nothing accomplish exactly the same thing.Comment
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