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As I hinted in my introductory post, I have endeavored to bring the unwashed, the unsaved, and the unsavory to Jesus. It is my intention to bring to you the journals of my concerted exploits to bring the aforementioned miscreants to God and eternal salvation. I cannot promise to bring to you weekly or even monthly epistles. The Lord Jesus leads me on my path, and the directions the path leads are unpredictable.
Most recently Jesus led me to an angry, elderly Negro. This particular Negro was hunched over a rocks glass of Canadian Whiskey in a bar located in an unsavory part of town; one of the few local taverns from which I have not been ejected. The exact brand of whiskey I would mention, but the Canadian lawyers representing the distillery would no doubt sue me for slander.
I sat myself next to this Negro and ordered one of the few beers still brewed and bottled in the United States of America. The Negro was obviously forlorn so I inquired of him his name. “ La’Tavernia” he replied. (His family name remains a mystery.) Obviously his unmarried mother had received a vision regarding his future from Our Lord.
I inquired of La’Tavernia, “What brings you here, friend?” My query brought an unexpected response. This Negro confessed to me his lifelong story of sins which are far to disgusting to reveal to this Godly audience. Suffice to say, his life was one of carnal, alcoholic and Satanic pleasure, an existence of which I am far too familiar. I had to consume several Godly American Brewed Beers to hear his entire testament.
After he had finished his long discourse we sat together quietly. I contemplated the revelations he unloaded upon me. Grotesque images of carnal pleasures with Negresses invaded my mind. My prayers to Jesus made them bearable.
After a few minutes a substantial Negress of the type I think they say is well supplied with “back” sat on the bar stool next to La’Tavernia. Her “booty”, as I think they call it, fully absorbed the bar stool, swallowing it much in the way a serpent eats it's prey without the benefit of chewing.
La’Tavernia and this Negress engaged in conversation in a Negro dialect that I have yet to learn to fully comprehend. My attenuated ear was able to absorb snippets of the conversation and it became obvious that my new found friend La’Tavernia and the Negress had agreed to meet to meet for the purposes of carnal pleasure.
The Negress departed with the apparent purpose of obtaining a location for their planned fornication. La’Tavernia stared into his tumbler of cheap Canadian whiskey with a slight hint of a smile on his thick Negroidian lips.
I broke the silence by inquiring of my new found Negro friend if he had intentions of engaging in fornication with the large but recently departed Negress. I boldly informed him of the consequences of fornication and the pits of hell to which he would be subjected. La’Tavernia suddenly became violent and began to inflict severe blows upon my body. Praise Jesus that several Caucasian patrons interceded on my behalf and subdued the violently enraged Negro. Sheriff deputies were summoned and the Negro was arrested.
Sweet Jesus does present us with obstacles. He tests our faith, and sometimes causes us to test our judgment. How could it be that Jesus would not allow me to save the elderly Negro? But after extended prayer over fine brews made in the Godly United States of America, Jesus spoke to me. His heavenly council gave me the assurance that the soul of this particular Negro was still in the balance, and that my services to Him in this matter were still needed.
Thank you for reading this extended testimony.
Most recently Jesus led me to an angry, elderly Negro. This particular Negro was hunched over a rocks glass of Canadian Whiskey in a bar located in an unsavory part of town; one of the few local taverns from which I have not been ejected. The exact brand of whiskey I would mention, but the Canadian lawyers representing the distillery would no doubt sue me for slander.
I sat myself next to this Negro and ordered one of the few beers still brewed and bottled in the United States of America. The Negro was obviously forlorn so I inquired of him his name. “ La’Tavernia” he replied. (His family name remains a mystery.) Obviously his unmarried mother had received a vision regarding his future from Our Lord.
I inquired of La’Tavernia, “What brings you here, friend?” My query brought an unexpected response. This Negro confessed to me his lifelong story of sins which are far to disgusting to reveal to this Godly audience. Suffice to say, his life was one of carnal, alcoholic and Satanic pleasure, an existence of which I am far too familiar. I had to consume several Godly American Brewed Beers to hear his entire testament.
After he had finished his long discourse we sat together quietly. I contemplated the revelations he unloaded upon me. Grotesque images of carnal pleasures with Negresses invaded my mind. My prayers to Jesus made them bearable.
After a few minutes a substantial Negress of the type I think they say is well supplied with “back” sat on the bar stool next to La’Tavernia. Her “booty”, as I think they call it, fully absorbed the bar stool, swallowing it much in the way a serpent eats it's prey without the benefit of chewing.
La’Tavernia and this Negress engaged in conversation in a Negro dialect that I have yet to learn to fully comprehend. My attenuated ear was able to absorb snippets of the conversation and it became obvious that my new found friend La’Tavernia and the Negress had agreed to meet to meet for the purposes of carnal pleasure.
The Negress departed with the apparent purpose of obtaining a location for their planned fornication. La’Tavernia stared into his tumbler of cheap Canadian whiskey with a slight hint of a smile on his thick Negroidian lips.
I broke the silence by inquiring of my new found Negro friend if he had intentions of engaging in fornication with the large but recently departed Negress. I boldly informed him of the consequences of fornication and the pits of hell to which he would be subjected. La’Tavernia suddenly became violent and began to inflict severe blows upon my body. Praise Jesus that several Caucasian patrons interceded on my behalf and subdued the violently enraged Negro. Sheriff deputies were summoned and the Negro was arrested.
Sweet Jesus does present us with obstacles. He tests our faith, and sometimes causes us to test our judgment. How could it be that Jesus would not allow me to save the elderly Negro? But after extended prayer over fine brews made in the Godly United States of America, Jesus spoke to me. His heavenly council gave me the assurance that the soul of this particular Negro was still in the balance, and that my services to Him in this matter were still needed.
Thank you for reading this extended testimony.
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