My Soulful Ministry to a Recent Orphan

[Born Again Bob]

Originally Posted by *******, Mar 18 2011, 09:59 AM
My mother died of cancer last week, my family attend the local pentacostal church and the pastor tells me to release my anquish and greif over her death.
I don't belive that god exists as he let my mother die.
I hate him.
*******

Dear Friend,

Boo-friggin-hoo. Oh, I feel so SORRY for you. Your mom's cancer is a RESULT of her sinful ways -- because she wasn't a True Christian™, Baby Jesus popped her full of sickness. Honestly, it's better than she deserved. Right now she's being slow-roasted in Hell like a Boston Market turkey, with huge slobbering demons casting lots to see in which order they will brutally violate her. She'll be begging for chemo by the time she's retching up sizzling acidic demon seed!

Tough first day, but par for the course when you reject Jesus.

Or maybe Baby Jesus did it because of you. Are you a CHRONIC MASTURBATOR? Jesus tends to make orphans out of CHRONIC MASTURBATORS. Maybe its because of your self-diddling ways that Mommy Dearest will be buried alive each night, kicking and screaming, in a pile of maggots, her mouth troweled up with dogsh!t. I hope making love to Justin Beeper in your mind was worth it! "Oh, Justin Beeper, Oh Justin Beeper, you're so cool! Do it there, Justin Beeper!"

Get your head out of your self-pitying bunghole and read the Bible!

Yours in Him,
bab
___________

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: My Soulful Ministry to a Recent Orphan

Dear Friend,

Boo-friggin-hoo. Oh, I feel so SORRY for you. Your mom's cancer is a RESULT of her sinful ways -- because she wasn't a True Christian™, Baby Jesus popped her full of sickness. Honestly, it's better than she deserved. Right now she's being slow-roasted in Hell like a Boston Market turkey, with huge slobbering demons casting lots to see in which order they will brutally violate her. She'll be begging for chemo by the time she's retching up sizzling acidic demon seed!

Tough first day, but par for the course when you reject Jesus.

Or maybe Baby Jesus did it because of you. Are you a CHRONIC MASTURBATOR? Jesus tends to make orphans out of CHRONIC MASTURBATORS. Maybe its because of your self-diddling ways that Mommy Dearest will be buried alive each night, kicking and screaming, in a pile of maggots, her mouth troweled up with dogsh!t. I hope making love to Justin Beeper in your mind was worth it! "Oh, Justin Beeper, Oh Justin Beeper, you're so cool! Do it there, Justin Beeper!"

Get your head out of your self-pitying bunghole and read the Bible!

Yours in Him,
bab
___________

I'm certain you are correct, BAB. Kids these days are addicted to anal sex from watching Justin Bieber's implied sex acts on television. It is quite normal these days for the children of liberal parents to be anally violated by the time they are six months old! Once they enter puberty they have to have it every day or they begin to undergo "homogay liberal withdrawals". All of this is why liberals have a much higher rate of prostate cancer. God is smiting them right in the anus where they deserve it. Poetic justice! Live the life of a sodomite, die the death of a sodomite!

[Cursed]

Re: My Soulful Ministry to a Recent Orphan

You can hate GOD all you want, it doesn't hurt Him any. It's like the tiniest little gnat hating you as you smash it; do you care? Do you worry about the gnat's feelings, or its family? Of course not, you don't give a crap, you just smash it and forget about it.

When GOD hates you, you get cancer... if you're lucky! He can come up with a lot worse, be thankful if all you get is cancer.