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Praise the Lord, Easter has come once again, one of my favorite holidays of the year!
After Pastor Deacon Fred's rousing sermon this morning, I just wanted to provide a synopsis for our Brothers and Sisters who weren't fortunate enough to be invited to our Easter sermon. Our sincere apologies, as the guest list was entirely booked by last 4th of July!
Let me start by apologizing on behalf of the Communion Committee for the snafu with the communion. An error was made in the calculation of the proper alcohol content, which may have caused accidental inebriation to some of our less stout attendees. The deacons will meet later this week to discuss proper punishment.
The children's choir did a superb job in their rendition of "He Lives, He Lives, Christ Jesus Lives Today"! A rousing round of applause was indeed due these youngsters as they finished the final bar. In review of the HD tapes, we did however notice that the Dryer's youngest boy was in fact only lip-syncing, which is a repeat offense after the Christmas Caroling Extravaganza of last year. The parents have been informed that the child is no longer welcome in the Kristian Kids Korner events until he completes the Baptist Correctional program for nancy-boys.
We are proud to announce a new record tithe & offering! We have surpassed by 3% the 2001 Thanksgiving season, when we were blessed by a record donation from Enron Corporation. We praise the Lord for blessing us in these hard times, and we are happy to announce that all of our members tithed 15% of their gross weekly income and have received a "Jesus Lives" sticker in reward.
Pastor Zeke delivered a powerful sermon to our young adults reminding them of the powerful nature of our God. He reminded them of their binding vows to remain abstinent until they are married, lest they be judged as harlots and fornicators. He set a lofty goal of having at least 15 new marriages by the 4th of July, a goal that we trust will be met in half of that time. Unfortunately our Brother Aaron Portway jumped the gun a bit by his recent nuptials (just teasing, brother
). Pastor Zeke has kindly agreed to meet with each and every virginal teen and young adult over the next few weeks to counsel them on preparing for their future married lives. Sister Sally Sue has also offered to play matchmaker for these youngsters, and the results will be posted in next week's bulletin -- make your wagers now!
Our apologies go out for the embarrassing moment where Aaron Portway's nubile young wife proceeded to try to join the young adults choir like a child. She was correct and sent back to the women's section as she has been instructed before. Aaron has assured us that this will not happen again, and to forgive her as she is still somewhat overwhelmed by the new marriage, and is so blinded by pure emotions that she often forgets to think about what she is doing (so typical of a woman). It will not happen again.
While the world is focused on the Tim Tebow sermon this week, we remind you to stay focused on the true reason for the season: Jesus Christ. We are celebrating the fact that Jesus was sent to earth by His dad, who later killed him, then decided to resurrect Him which somehow or other erases our sin. It's a big deal. Without this life-death-life cycle, we as human beings would be damned to the very Hell that God created to put His worst creations into to torture for the rest of eternity.
In closing, we wish you a merry Easter! Enjoy your delicious feasts, wines, cheese, etc. There will be a day-after potluck at the Landover Community Center for the Saved tomorrow at 4:30pm, and we encourage you to bring whatever leftovers you have! I heard a rumor that Talitha will bring any leftover meat pies
After Pastor Deacon Fred's rousing sermon this morning, I just wanted to provide a synopsis for our Brothers and Sisters who weren't fortunate enough to be invited to our Easter sermon. Our sincere apologies, as the guest list was entirely booked by last 4th of July!
Let me start by apologizing on behalf of the Communion Committee for the snafu with the communion. An error was made in the calculation of the proper alcohol content, which may have caused accidental inebriation to some of our less stout attendees. The deacons will meet later this week to discuss proper punishment.
The children's choir did a superb job in their rendition of "He Lives, He Lives, Christ Jesus Lives Today"! A rousing round of applause was indeed due these youngsters as they finished the final bar. In review of the HD tapes, we did however notice that the Dryer's youngest boy was in fact only lip-syncing, which is a repeat offense after the Christmas Caroling Extravaganza of last year. The parents have been informed that the child is no longer welcome in the Kristian Kids Korner events until he completes the Baptist Correctional program for nancy-boys.
We are proud to announce a new record tithe & offering! We have surpassed by 3% the 2001 Thanksgiving season, when we were blessed by a record donation from Enron Corporation. We praise the Lord for blessing us in these hard times, and we are happy to announce that all of our members tithed 15% of their gross weekly income and have received a "Jesus Lives" sticker in reward.
Pastor Zeke delivered a powerful sermon to our young adults reminding them of the powerful nature of our God. He reminded them of their binding vows to remain abstinent until they are married, lest they be judged as harlots and fornicators. He set a lofty goal of having at least 15 new marriages by the 4th of July, a goal that we trust will be met in half of that time. Unfortunately our Brother Aaron Portway jumped the gun a bit by his recent nuptials (just teasing, brother
). Pastor Zeke has kindly agreed to meet with each and every virginal teen and young adult over the next few weeks to counsel them on preparing for their future married lives. Sister Sally Sue has also offered to play matchmaker for these youngsters, and the results will be posted in next week's bulletin -- make your wagers now!Our apologies go out for the embarrassing moment where Aaron Portway's nubile young wife proceeded to try to join the young adults choir like a child. She was correct and sent back to the women's section as she has been instructed before. Aaron has assured us that this will not happen again, and to forgive her as she is still somewhat overwhelmed by the new marriage, and is so blinded by pure emotions that she often forgets to think about what she is doing (so typical of a woman
). It will not happen again.While the world is focused on the Tim Tebow sermon this week, we remind you to stay focused on the true reason for the season: Jesus Christ. We are celebrating the fact that Jesus was sent to earth by His dad, who later killed him, then decided to resurrect Him which somehow or other erases our sin. It's a big deal. Without this life-death-life cycle, we as human beings would be damned to the very Hell that God created to put His worst creations into to torture for the rest of eternity.
In closing, we wish you a merry Easter! Enjoy your delicious feasts, wines, cheese, etc. There will be a day-after potluck at the Landover Community Center for the Saved tomorrow at 4:30pm, and we encourage you to bring whatever leftovers you have! I heard a rumor that Talitha will bring any leftover meat pies