Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

[Brother Lindh]

http://time-blog.com/middle_east/2007/02/jesus_tales_from_the_crypt.html

[JennyD]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

http://time-blog.com/middle_east/200...the_crypt.html

I suppose you failed to notice that your breaking news is from over a year ago, and was already debunked?

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Oh, now, Sister Jenny, I think he tries.

For all we know, someone could have been down there a year or so ago carrying that newspaper and just left it there, and poor Brother Lindh, creeping around in the dark, stumbled over it and thought it was recent. Because of his greatly advanced age and the need to read by candlelight or one 40-watt bulb, his eyesight may be rather poor so he may not have noticed the date.

What an effort it must be for him to obtain access to a computer so he can post here! No wonder his posts are so short and so infrequent.

Which reminds me... has anyone else found droplets of a dark red fluid on their keyboard or monitor recently?

[Brother Lindh]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Oh, now, Sister Jenny, I think he tries.

For all we know, someone could have been down there a year or so ago carrying that newspaper and just left it there, and poor Brother Lindh, creeping around in the dark, stumbled over it and thought it was recent. Because of his greatly advanced age and the need to read by candlelight or one 40-watt bulb, his eyesight may be rather poor so he may not have noticed the date.

What an effort it must be for him to obtain access to a computer so he can post here! No wonder his posts are so short and so infrequent.

Which reminds me... has anyone else found droplets of a dark red fluid on their keyboard or monitor recently?

Thank you, Sister Justina. No one can imagine the hardships down here, but Praise the Lord, it's better than freezing to death on the streets. If I report, for example, the body of Pastor Pistle down here (you all perhaps forget that he no longer is up and about), Security jumps all over me and beats me with sticks and such. My access to a computer in the main sanctuary is limited and if I get caught, well, another beating.

The food, however, is ample and I'm not speaking of rats. BobbyJoe had them all shot.

I just hope that some day, I'll earn my keep and be granted membership in LBC. Praise Jesus who croaked on the cross for us all.

[Brother Lindh]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

I know there are some Doubting Thomases around here, so I shall point out my CV to you. I've been active saving souls for over 138 years (since 1874) yet I live in a crypt (Praise Pastor Pistle for giving me shelter).

Just take a look and then tell me why Security keeps beating me:

http://books.google.com/books?id=cQMPAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA512&lpg=PA512&dq=brother+lindh&source=web&ots=0hYRIERxgX&sig=ogaV1su5mIOIW-TfpGUQ-ZPDyEE&hl=en

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Thank you, Sister Justina. No one can imagine the hardships down here, but Praise the Lord, it's better than freezing to death on the streets . . .

My access to a computer in the main sanctuary is limited and if I get caught, well, another beating . . .

The food, however, is ample and I'm not speaking of rats . . .

Ooooooooh poor Brother Lyndh! We were beginning to wonder if something awful happened to you! Down there under the sanctuary all alone in the dark!

How are you doing for medication this month? Do you need someone to run to the Freehold Pharmacy and get you a refill on your prescription?

You can wash the pills down with a glass of good red blood wine, while you're at it! - like this!

[Dr. Otto Bond Sr.]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Oh, now, Sister Jenny, I think he tries.

Yes sister, but you must remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Trying to be saved just isn't good enough for Jesus!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

I know, Dr. Bond, but this poor soul has been here for such a long time and his struggle is a very protracted, very lonely one. He's a stranger in a strange land, as it were, and I feel in my True Christian(tm) heart that my Lord Jesus approves of my offering him some few words of encouragement when the need arises.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Which reminds me... has anyone else found droplets of a dark red fluid on their keyboard or monitor recently?

Um, I think it might be time for you to make a trip to the Monthly Visitor.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

No, Brother Temperance, it's not that (this time).

Please pardon me, but it is a bit distressing for me to have my female business brought out upon the public forums. I'm sure that as a fine True Christian(tm) gentleman you're giving your best advice, but the key word is gentleman. Some of us ladies are a bit sensitive about such matters, so I hope you'll forgive me; I don't mean to sound impertinent.

[SUV]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

I'm not speaking of rats.

Praise Jesus! They terrify me.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

So, Lindh, I'm curious. Are you a demon sent from the very bowels of Hell by Satan to corrupt and murder the innocent, or are you a crazed goth who has spent one night too many fornicating in graveyards and drinking the blood of fellow goths?

[JennyD]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

Perhaps, Sister, he is just suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency. Homeless winos often do.

I suggest we go down this weekend and help him out where he can catch a few rays, and see if that warms him up a bit.

If not, we can always commit him to the psych ward until he feels a bit more human. It worked so very well on Miss Petal, after all!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

If not, we can always commit him to the psych ward until he feels a bit more human. It worked so very well on Miss Petal, after all!

That sounds like a feasible plan, Sister Jenny. It would be better than just leaving him to his own devices down there alone, and at least we could have trained personnel keeping an eye on him.

[JennyD]

Re: Easter Cancelled, Body Found!

That sounds like a feasible plan, Sister Jenny. It would be better than just leaving him to his own devices down there alone, and at least we could have trained personnel keeping an eye on him.

What are we waiting for? Let's get this homeless wino cleaned up and properly medicated, so he can finally realize that he's not a vampire and that he CAN be Saved(c)!