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  • Jack O'fagan
    With faith as immovable as the Earth
    True Christian™
    • Feb 2011
    • 4836
    #1

    I did NOT kill Monty!

    I have now even more problems with my children's school. The school has a pet Kingsnake called 'Monty'. If the children have been good then they can can take turns in taking Monty home for the weekend. Monty has been with the school for nearly 20 years now and there is a lot of affection shown to this creature. (Monty is similar to the one below).




    Anyway last weekend it was my daughter Abishag's turn to look after Monty and during this time it died.

    This morning I had an angry call from the headmaster to say that they have had the report from the vet and Monty died because he was jammed solid with dirt and did I know anything about it?

    I grabbed my trusted KJV1611 and read out,


    Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:



    I explained that Monty looked so thin and he needed nutrition that he was not getting from the mice that they were feeding him. I therefore put a funnel down his throat and filled him with lots of nutritional dirt.

    He died just after from what I believe to be malnutrition, it seems I may have been just too late administering the dust.

    I have to go to the school later for a chat with the headmaster, the veterinary surgeon and a police officer. I'm sure that when I read them the Genesis account then this unfortunate incident will soon be resolved,

    YIC

    Jack
    Last edited by Professor Bessemer; 09-15-2012, 08:36 AM. Reason: Typo
    Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

    sigpic

    I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
    Tags: genesis, snakes: tempter of women
    • Faith_Machine
      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Mar 2011
      • 10050
      #2
      Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

      They were feeding the poor thing mice when it should have been eating dirt? What idiots! You should have them brought up on charges of animal cruelty.
      WARNING:
      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

        Comment

        • Jack O'fagan
          With faith as immovable as the Earth
          True Christian™
          • Feb 2011
          • 4836
          #3
          Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
          They were feeding the poor thing mice when it should have been eating dirt? What idiots! You should have them brought up on charges of animal cruelty.
          Can you believe these people? They had been feeding Monty one mouse every few weeks.


          Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

          God tells us that Monty had to eat dust EVERY day and all he was getting was the occasional mouse. No wonder he died.


          YIC

          Jack
          Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

          sigpic

          I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

            Comment

            • Faith_Machine
              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2011
              • 10050
              #4
              Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

              Is it possible Monty may have been intentionally poisoned?

              If any of those students were allowed to play a certain video game, I fear it may have given them ideas...



              I'm sure you know how easily violent video games can influence the behavior of children.
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78555
                  #5
                  Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

                  Sweet Jesus I almost had a heart attack when I read the title of this thread!

                  I thought for a moment that you had killed Brother Monty!


                  ...No one's seen him in awhile....
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Bjorn Jensen
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Apr 2012
                      • 2355
                      #6
                      Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

                      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                      Is it possible Monty may have been intentionally poisoned?

                      If any of those students were allowed to play a certain video game, I fear it may have given them ideas...



                      I'm sure you know how easily violent video games can influence the behavior of children.
                      Typical of today's teens to be inspired by violent video games and deny a snake it's daily meal of dirt

                        Comment

                        • Godfly
                          Descended from Rapes
                          True Christian™
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 1552
                          #7
                          Re: I did NOT kill Monty!

                          Originally posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
                          Can you believe these people? They had been feeding Monty one mouse every few weeks.


                          Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

                          God tells us that Monty had to eat dust EVERY day and all he was getting was the occasional mouse. No wonder he died.


                          YIC

                          Jack
                          If mice weren't dusty creatures Monty would have died long ago. I'm sure the headmaster is very embarrassed and just wants to apologize. You might want to take this opportunity to tell him that the title of "headmaster" sounds very gay, or as you people say, bent. Add to that his affinity for snakes and you have a scandal waiting to happen. He should call himself a Principle like a proper man.
                          Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.

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