I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Good news, Brothers and sisters! This morning at services, I spotted my bride to be! After a quite lengthy 20 minute "getting to know you" conversation I informed her that she is to be my bride. Unfortunately, we face a rather long engagement period as the wedding cannot be held until this Friday. That is when her Christmas break begins. Aside from her being obedient and spending her day in the kitchen, she will produce for me many many sons. The Allertons have been in this country since 1623 and the name must live on. After today's service we went to the church's reception hall for coffee and dessert and let me tell you after tasting her delicious cakes I can't wait to get her pie in my mouth! And after talking to her mother, it's quite obvious I will get my hands on some of her pie as well! The wedding is set for this Friday evening at 600pm at the Triple Rock Baptist Church on the corner of Burnham and Pulaski in Calumet City Illinois. All are welcome to attend and bring your appetites because the ladies of the congregation are sure to have their tasty treats on display and this being Chicago, where BBQ is king, there will be plenty of beef and sausage to stuff into your mouth.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Good news, Brothers and sisters! This morning at services, I spotted my bride to be! After a quite lengthy 20 minute "getting to know you" conversation I informed her that she is to be my bride. Unfortunately, we face a rather long engagement period as the wedding cannot be held until this Friday. That is when her Christmas break begins. Aside from her being obedient and spending her day in the kitchen, she will produce for me many many sons. The Allertons have been in this country since 1623 and the name must live on. After today's service we went to the church's reception hall for coffee and dessert and let me tell you after tasting her delicious cakes I can't wait to get her pie in my mouth! And after talking to her mother, it's quite obvious I will get my hands on some of her pie as well! The wedding is set for this Friday evening at 600pm at the Triple Rock Baptist Church on the corner of Burnham and Pulaski in Calumet City Illinois. All are welcome to attend and bring your appetites because the ladies of the congregation are sure to have their tasty treats on display and this being Chicago, where BBQ is king, there will be plenty of beef and sausage to stuff into your mouth.

Congratulations, friend. The only thing better than having the taste of a woman's pie on your tongue is stuffing a man's sausage down your throat. My rectum is still burning from last year's Sausage Fest, where all the men of Freehold congregated and sampled each other's sausage juices. It is from attending these festivities that I learned the truth. Basically, no woman will ever be able to handle my sausage the way a man does.

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Congratulations, friend. The only thing better than having the taste of a woman's pie on your tongue is stuffing a man's sausage down your throat. My rectum is still burning from last year's Sausage Fest, where all the men of Freehold congregated and sampled each other's sausage juices. It is from attending these festivities that I learned the truth. Basically, no woman will ever be able to handle my sausage the way a man does.

I completely understand AND agree with you. I always say a woman belongs in the kitchen but I prefer that a man handle my sausage.
See what I mean???

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

I almost forgot...here is a photo of my bride to be. I took this of her right after I told her that we shall wed. I just love reactions pics!

[Sophie Hennig]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Congratulations, my dear friend!
Your bride looks beautiful, I believe she will produce some handsome soldiers for our Lord. Will she join this forum as well?

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Congratulations, my dear friend!
Your bride looks beautiful, I believe she will produce some handsome soldiers for our Lord. Will she join this forum as well?

Yes she will. She will be joining as soon as we get home from the wedding (right after making me a sandwich). Thank you for the well wishes, Sophie!
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

[Rylee Cline]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Why is it that you can get married after knowing a girl for 20 minutes, yet my friend Todd cant get married to his boyfriend of 20 years? Think about THAT.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

I've thought about it.

SHOUT GLORY!

YBIC

[Didymus Much]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Why is it that you can get married after knowing a girl for 20 minutes, yet my friend Todd cant get married to his boyfriend of 20 years? Think about THAT.

20 years * 365 days * 24 hours / 4 hour drive to Canada from Chicago = 43,800 chances to get married they've passed up.

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Why is it that you can get married after knowing a girl for 20 minutes, yet my friend Todd cant get married to his boyfriend of 20 years? Think about THAT.

Think about it? What's to think about? Queer men CAN'T get married. Queers shouldn't even be able to exist. There is a queer neighborhood that I happen to HAVE to travel through daily and I see many many muscular queers hanging out, talking to other queers with nice shirts and perfect hair and it disgusts me. I would love to get my hands on those queers and give them a stiff lesson in Christianity but I'm afraid to catch their gay.

Leviticus 18:22


Thou shalt not lie with mankinde, as with womankinde: it is abomination.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Why is it that you can get married after knowing a girl for 20 minutes, yet my friend Todd cant get married to his boyfriend of 20 years? Think about THAT.

Dear Radical Feminazi Queer-Lover;

Thanks very much for ruining Mr. Allerton's joyous announcement. Just another example of how queers are ruining Normal Marriage for everyone!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Thank you Pastor Ezekiel, I agree. I was so happy about Mr. Allerton's joyous news, but now I just have a bitter taste in my mouth.

Know thing queers are going to come along and ruin everything just makes me want to not share things about myself, and that's sad.

[Thaddeus Allerton]

Re: I HAVE FOUND MY BRIDE TO BE!!!

Please take joy in the fact that I'm not letting a few lousy queers ruin my wedding announcement. The queers are just jealous because my pending marriage is sanctioned by God and their sodomistic activities will send them to eternal damnation.
Leviticus 18:22

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.