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As you all know the San Francisco 49ers have a higher percentage of homosexual players than any college or NFL team in the country.
I know this to be a fact because I have, on numerous occasions, seen members of the 49ers entering or leaving the gay sex clubs I protest outside of.
Naturally, I pray every day that the Lord will come into the lives of these troubled ballplayers and cure them of their urge to have gay sex. One Niner I have been praying especially hard for is wide receiver Michael Crabtree, as it is common knowledge in San Francisco's gay neighborhoods that he's not just a wide receiver on the field, if you know what I mean.
Well friends, it looks like my prayers have been answered. The good news is that God has apparently freed the queer Mr. Crabtree of his insatiable desire for manflesh. The bad news is that Crabtree, perhaps in an overly joyous and giddy state, has chosen to express his new-found, God-breathed heterosexuality by getting himself into a compromising situation and leaving himself wide-open to accusations that he raped a woman.
I'm sure you'll all want to join with me in saying a prayer of thanks to the Lord that this young man doesn't have to burn in Hell with all the other homosexuals. Let's hope he gets this little sex scandal thingy straightened out soon, accepts Jesus Christ as his personal savior, and whups butt with the rest of the Forty Niners in the Super Bowl!
Naturally, there are several additional homosexuals on the Forty Niners roster who need to be prayed for. I've listed in pink those members who are known for playing the "husband" role in their gay relationships, while the ones listed in flaming red are the players whom my investigations have revealed to be "greedy bottoms," men who can not be happy unless their throats and rectums are being filled up with other men's wieners.
Please note that NaVorro Bowman's name is not only in flaming red, but also listed in bold type, to underscore the fact that, being from Penn State, he is a very special case.
(I don't want to publicly humiliate the poor fag, but let's just say the fact that he's able to play professional football despite his prolapsed rectum is truly a lesson in courage for all of us.)
Now I know that many of you, looking at that list, and faced with the sheer number of homosexuals on the Forty Niners roster, will surely feel intimidated, as if we are fighting an uphill battle. Fear not, friends, for God has promised us that He will bring healing and health where once there was sickness:
I know this to be a fact because I have, on numerous occasions, seen members of the 49ers entering or leaving the gay sex clubs I protest outside of.
Naturally, I pray every day that the Lord will come into the lives of these troubled ballplayers and cure them of their urge to have gay sex. One Niner I have been praying especially hard for is wide receiver Michael Crabtree, as it is common knowledge in San Francisco's gay neighborhoods that he's not just a wide receiver on the field, if you know what I mean.
Well friends, it looks like my prayers have been answered. The good news is that God has apparently freed the queer Mr. Crabtree of his insatiable desire for manflesh. The bad news is that Crabtree, perhaps in an overly joyous and giddy state, has chosen to express his new-found, God-breathed heterosexuality by getting himself into a compromising situation and leaving himself wide-open to accusations that he raped a woman.
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Police in San Francisco say they're investigating a sexual assault allegation involving 49ers wide receiver Michael Crabtree.
Police said in a statement released Friday night that the alleged assault occurred in a city hotel room early Sunday.
The statement says Crabtree has been interviewed with his attorney present and has cooperated with the probe. The receiver hasn't been detained or arrested, and agreed to be available for further questions in the future.
Authorities didn't release any further details, and a spokesman for the 49ers had no immediate comment.
San Francisco is preparing to play the Atlanta Falcons in the NFC championship game on Sunday. The winner goes to the Super Bowl.
Police said in a statement released Friday night that the alleged assault occurred in a city hotel room early Sunday.
The statement says Crabtree has been interviewed with his attorney present and has cooperated with the probe. The receiver hasn't been detained or arrested, and agreed to be available for further questions in the future.
Authorities didn't release any further details, and a spokesman for the 49ers had no immediate comment.
San Francisco is preparing to play the Atlanta Falcons in the NFC championship game on Sunday. The winner goes to the Super Bowl.
I'm sure you'll all want to join with me in saying a prayer of thanks to the Lord that this young man doesn't have to burn in Hell with all the other homosexuals. Let's hope he gets this little sex scandal thingy straightened out soon, accepts Jesus Christ as his personal savior, and whups butt with the rest of the Forty Niners in the Super Bowl!
Naturally, there are several additional homosexuals on the Forty Niners roster who need to be prayed for. I've listed in pink those members who are known for playing the "husband" role in their gay relationships, while the ones listed in flaming red are the players whom my investigations have revealed to be "greedy bottoms," men who can not be happy unless their throats and rectums are being filled up with other men's wieners.
Please note that NaVorro Bowman's name is not only in flaming red, but also listed in bold type, to underscore the fact that, being from Penn State, he is a very special case.
(I don't want to publicly humiliate the poor fag, but let's just say the fact that he's able to play professional football despite his prolapsed rectum is truly a lesson in courage for all of us.)
2 Akers, David K 5-10 200 38 14 Louisville
75 Boone, Alex G/T 6-8 300 25 3 Ohio St.
53 Bowman, NaVorro LB 6-0 242 24 3 Penn St.
26 Brock, Tramaine DB 5-10 197 24 3 Belhaven
55 Brooks, Ahmad LB 6-3 259 28 7 Virginia
25 Brown, Tarell CB 5-10 193 28 6 Texas
81 Celek, Garrett TE 6-5 252 24 R Michigan St.
20 Cox, Perrish DB 6-0 198 26 2 Oklahoma St.
15 Crabtree, Michael WR 6-1 214 25 4 Texas Tech
29 Culliver, Chris CB 6-0 199 24 2 South Carolina
76 Davis, Anthony T 6-5 323 23 3 Rutgers
68 Davis, Leonard G 6-6 350 34 11 Texas
85 Davis, Vernon TE 6-3 250 28 7 Maryland
24 Dixon, Anthony RB 6-1 233 25 3 Mississippi St.
19 Ginn Jr., Ted WR 5-11 180 27 6 Ohio St.
38 Goldson, Dashon S 6-2 200 28 6 Washington
56 Gooden, Tavares LB 6-1 242 28 5 Miami (Fla.)
59 Goodwin, Jonathan C 6-3 318 34 11 Michigan
21 Gore, Frank RB 5-9 217 29 8 Miami (Fla.)
54 Grant, Larry LB 6-1 251 27 4 Ohio St.
51 Haggans, Clark LB 6-4 243 36 13 Colorado St.
33 Hampton, Jewel RB 5-9 210 23 R Southern Illinois
77 Iupati, Mike G 6-5 331 25 3 Idaho
23 James, LaMichael RB 5-9 195 23 R Oregon
95 Jean Francois, Ricky DT 6-3 295 26 4 Louisiana St.
17 Jenkins, A.J. WR 6-0 192 23 R Illinois
86 Jennings, Brian TE/LS 6-5 242 36 13 Arizona St.
63 Jerod-Eddie, Tony DT 6-5 301 22 R Texas A&M
50 Johnson, Cam LB 6-3 268 22 R Virginia
7 Kaepernick, Colin QB 6-4 230 25 2 Nevada
67 Kilgore, Daniel G 6-3 308 25 2 Appalachian St.
4 Lee, Andy P 6-2 180 30 9 Pittsburgh
66 Looney, Joe G 6-3 309 22 R Wake Forest
28 McBath, Darcel S 6-1 198 27 3 Texas Tech
91 McDonald, Ray DT 6-3 290 28 6 Florida
49 Miller, Bruce FB 6-2 248 25 2 Central Florida
84 Moss, Randy WR 6-4 210 35 14 Marshall
30 Robinson, Trenton S 5-9 193 22 R Michigan St.
22 Rogers, Carlos CB 6-0 192 31 8 Auburn
99 Smith, Aldon LB 6-4 258 23 2 Missouri
11 Smith, Alex QB 6-4 217 28 8 Utah
94 Smith, Justin DT 6-4 285 33 12 Missouri
90 Sopoaga, Isaac DT 6-2 330 31 9 Hawaii
27 Spillman, C.J. S 6-0 199 26 4 Marshall
74 Staley, Joe T 6-5 315 28 6 Central Michigan
3 Tolzien, Scott QB 6-3 208 25 2 Wisconsin
48 Tukuafu, Will FB/DT 6-4 293 29 2 Oregon
46 Walker, Delanie TE 6-0 242 28 7 Central Missouri
31 Whitner, Donte S 5-10 208 27 7 Ohio St.
57 Wilhoite, Michael LB 6-0 240 26 1 Washburn
93 Williams, Ian DT 6-1 305 23 2 Notre Dame
52 Willis, Patrick
75 Boone, Alex G/T 6-8 300 25 3 Ohio St.
53 Bowman, NaVorro LB 6-0 242 24 3 Penn St.
26 Brock, Tramaine DB 5-10 197 24 3 Belhaven
55 Brooks, Ahmad LB 6-3 259 28 7 Virginia
25 Brown, Tarell CB 5-10 193 28 6 Texas
81 Celek, Garrett TE 6-5 252 24 R Michigan St.
20 Cox, Perrish DB 6-0 198 26 2 Oklahoma St.
15 Crabtree, Michael WR 6-1 214 25 4 Texas Tech
29 Culliver, Chris CB 6-0 199 24 2 South Carolina
76 Davis, Anthony T 6-5 323 23 3 Rutgers
68 Davis, Leonard G 6-6 350 34 11 Texas
85 Davis, Vernon TE 6-3 250 28 7 Maryland
24 Dixon, Anthony RB 6-1 233 25 3 Mississippi St.
19 Ginn Jr., Ted WR 5-11 180 27 6 Ohio St.
38 Goldson, Dashon S 6-2 200 28 6 Washington
56 Gooden, Tavares LB 6-1 242 28 5 Miami (Fla.)
59 Goodwin, Jonathan C 6-3 318 34 11 Michigan
21 Gore, Frank RB 5-9 217 29 8 Miami (Fla.)
54 Grant, Larry LB 6-1 251 27 4 Ohio St.
51 Haggans, Clark LB 6-4 243 36 13 Colorado St.
33 Hampton, Jewel RB 5-9 210 23 R Southern Illinois
77 Iupati, Mike G 6-5 331 25 3 Idaho
23 James, LaMichael RB 5-9 195 23 R Oregon
95 Jean Francois, Ricky DT 6-3 295 26 4 Louisiana St.
17 Jenkins, A.J. WR 6-0 192 23 R Illinois
86 Jennings, Brian TE/LS 6-5 242 36 13 Arizona St.
63 Jerod-Eddie, Tony DT 6-5 301 22 R Texas A&M
50 Johnson, Cam LB 6-3 268 22 R Virginia
7 Kaepernick, Colin QB 6-4 230 25 2 Nevada
67 Kilgore, Daniel G 6-3 308 25 2 Appalachian St.
4 Lee, Andy P 6-2 180 30 9 Pittsburgh
66 Looney, Joe G 6-3 309 22 R Wake Forest
28 McBath, Darcel S 6-1 198 27 3 Texas Tech
91 McDonald, Ray DT 6-3 290 28 6 Florida
49 Miller, Bruce FB 6-2 248 25 2 Central Florida
84 Moss, Randy WR 6-4 210 35 14 Marshall
30 Robinson, Trenton S 5-9 193 22 R Michigan St.
22 Rogers, Carlos CB 6-0 192 31 8 Auburn
99 Smith, Aldon LB 6-4 258 23 2 Missouri
11 Smith, Alex QB 6-4 217 28 8 Utah
94 Smith, Justin DT 6-4 285 33 12 Missouri
90 Sopoaga, Isaac DT 6-2 330 31 9 Hawaii
27 Spillman, C.J. S 6-0 199 26 4 Marshall
74 Staley, Joe T 6-5 315 28 6 Central Michigan
3 Tolzien, Scott QB 6-3 208 25 2 Wisconsin
48 Tukuafu, Will FB/DT 6-4 293 29 2 Oregon
46 Walker, Delanie TE 6-0 242 28 7 Central Missouri
31 Whitner, Donte S 5-10 208 27 7 Ohio St.
57 Wilhoite, Michael LB 6-0 240 26 1 Washburn
93 Williams, Ian DT 6-1 305 23 2 Notre Dame
52 Willis, Patrick
Now I know that many of you, looking at that list, and faced with the sheer number of homosexuals on the Forty Niners roster, will surely feel intimidated, as if we are fighting an uphill battle. Fear not, friends, for God has promised us that He will bring healing and health where once there was sickness:
Jeremiah 33:6
6 Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.
6 Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.
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