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  • #1

    Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

    Brothers and Sisters....

    I have been tirelessly working on a new application for Landover Baptist University for the Saved(tm). If you get a moment, I would ask that you would review my first draft for a LBU application template!

    Link: http://www.coe.neu.edu/~jfisher/LandoverApplication.pdf (300k)

    It is a PDF file, but why it is so huge I have no idea. It is demon-free, I assure you.

    Thanks!
    Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

    Anyone, anyone?
    Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

      I looked it over. I know that I'm still under investigation but I wondered...do you really want to enrol anyone who has repeated a grade? And the IQ level requiring on-campus supervision seems a little...low. Don't you think?
      Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
      I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
      Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
      Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
      Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.       - Ovid

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

        Grades mean little, in the larger scheme of things. If we can train a Warrior for Christ(tm), does it really matter if he took a moderate 3 years to pass the 7th grade?
        Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

          Well done Brother Jon, well done. I'm sure the folks in the admissions office will be grateful. You might want to include an oath of allegiance at the end, just to ensure that folks know that certain things are not to be discussed with outsiders.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

            Originally posted by JonFish85 View Post
            Grades mean little, in the larger scheme of things. If we can train a Warrior for Christ(tm), does it really matter if he took a moderate 3 years to pass the 7th grade?
            I guess God loves everyone, even the mentally handicapped.
            Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
            I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
            Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
            Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
            Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.             - Ovid

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

              Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
              I guess God loves everyone, even the mentally handicapped.
              You could not be more mistaken. God hates cripples of all kind.

              What the Bible says about cripples
              Exodus 4:11
              Who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?

              Leviticus 21:17-23
              Whosoever ... hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. ... Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries.

              Please try reading the Holy Bible instead of guessing what it says. That is how false Christians spread lies about Jesus.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                Aha! Then he definitely wouldn't want three-times-grade-7 repeaters in his Holy Army.
                Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                 - Ovid

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                  Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                  Aha! Then he definitely wouldn't want three-times-grade-7 repeaters in his Holy Army.
                  God doesn't care who goes out to fight the infidel, He just prohibits people like that from going to Heaven or entering a church.
                  Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                  "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                  Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                    Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                    Aha! Then he definitely wouldn't want three-times-grade-7 repeaters in his Holy Army.
                    Since all public schools are run by communist monkey-worshipers who spit on God, we are not especially concerned about a person's ability to perform well on the rigged tests they use to gauge aptitude. A thorough knowledge of the Holy KJV1611 Bible is much more important.

                    It doesn't take a degree in Darwinist lies to pull the trigger for Christ.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                      Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                      I looked it over. I know that I'm still under investigation but I wondered...do you really want to enrol anyone who has repeated a grade? And the IQ level requiring on-campus supervision seems a little...low. Don't you think?

                      And how many students do you think they'd get if their IQ level was higher?
                      In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                        IQ levels are merely a gauge as to how in-tune with Jesus people are. The higher the IQ, the more the person hates Jesus, in general, so we merely want the cream of the crop!
                        Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                          Everything is...so much clearer now. Including the IQ over a hundred rule (thanks Lilith!). Pardon my unsaved ignorance.
                          Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                          I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                          Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                          Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                          Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                           - Ovid

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                            Originally posted by lilith View Post
                            And how many students do you think they'd get if their IQ level was higher?
                            Lilith, honeycakes, please refer to my other posts to you this evening and stop corrupting the mind of this child with your nonsense lest a horrible curse befall you. Or a piano.
                            Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                            "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                            Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Landover Baptist University for the Saved Application....

                              Originally posted by lilith View Post
                              And how many students do you think they'd get if their IQ level was higher?
                              Lilith brings up a very good point. The enrolment figures would dramatically decrease if the IQ requirement was over 100.

                              I think JF was also making allowances for his own IQ....which is probably around the mid-fifties I'm guessing.

                              And I believe JF also forgot to mention the orientation lobotomy process.
                              sigpic
                              Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                              Comment

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