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Brothers, I know we all can relate to the frustration of being unable to free the tongue of a stubborn, lying, God-mocking witch. It is even more infuriating to have to hide from the eye of secular law whilst doing God's good work! And obtaining the traditional devices of persuasion can be next to impossible in this day and age. So, what to do? It's not like we can go out and pick up a breast ripper, stretching rack or a pair of iron boots at Walmart, Amen?
Not to fret, brethren! With the permission of Christ (Exodus 22:18), I have developed some effective, if slightly unorthodox, techniques that will quickly convince any witch to spill her guts, figuratively if not literally, without breaking the bank! Glorify His Name!!
My promise: One witch, ten bucks+/-...infinite possibilities!
First I suppose I should include some basic advice for the fledgling witch hunter. "How can I tell who is or is not a witch?", you ask? Well, its easier than you think:
If you, being a True Christian™ man, upstanding and fully primed in all things righteous, find yourself enamored by, obscessed with or having wet dreams about the saucy wetback vixen with the big tits who works at the corner store, then she has certainly used witchcraft to seduce you and beguile your senses in an attempt to lead you from God's Glory and down the dark path that will ultimately have you on your back with your knees in your ears in a truck stop bathroom stall tending to the depraved needs of every swarthy africoon buck who walks through the door.
So, now that you've identified the witch...what do you do? How do you take her into custody without alerting every secularist pig in the neighborhood? I'll tell you, the thrill of the hunt quickly takes on a life of its own, and any young, True Christian™ stud may jump the gun and go off half cocked in his desire to prove himself to The Lord. Be cautious, young friend...Take your time, don't be hasty! The time for swift, decisive action will come...but you're still in the planning phase.
Observe the witch's habits, take note of her comings and goings. Maybe do a little window peeping recon around her house under the cover of darkness, being extra cautious not to alert her familiar, that damned little rat chihuahua she is always kissing and fawning over.
Once you have a full understanding of the witch's routines and rituals, you can feel confident in making a discreet, noiseless Christ-authorized arrest.
Okay, now with the basics out of the way, it is time to get to meat of the subject...
First, a short list of essential supplies:
1. Shoe horn, golf ball, super glue
2. Hose clamps, battery acid, alligator clips
3. Stun-gun, vice grips, room temperature salted butter
4. Dog toe-nail clipper, blowtorch, curling iron
5. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, banana
Brothers, I must retreat to the bathroom for a few moments of fervent, white knuckled prayer, if you get my meaning. Please excuse me...BBL with more helpful hints...God bless!
Not to fret, brethren! With the permission of Christ (Exodus 22:18), I have developed some effective, if slightly unorthodox, techniques that will quickly convince any witch to spill her guts, figuratively if not literally, without breaking the bank! Glorify His Name!!
My promise: One witch, ten bucks+/-...infinite possibilities!
First I suppose I should include some basic advice for the fledgling witch hunter. "How can I tell who is or is not a witch?", you ask? Well, its easier than you think:
If you, being a True Christian™ man, upstanding and fully primed in all things righteous, find yourself enamored by, obscessed with or having wet dreams about the saucy wetback vixen with the big tits who works at the corner store, then she has certainly used witchcraft to seduce you and beguile your senses in an attempt to lead you from God's Glory and down the dark path that will ultimately have you on your back with your knees in your ears in a truck stop bathroom stall tending to the depraved needs of every swarthy africoon buck who walks through the door.
So, now that you've identified the witch...what do you do? How do you take her into custody without alerting every secularist pig in the neighborhood? I'll tell you, the thrill of the hunt quickly takes on a life of its own, and any young, True Christian™ stud may jump the gun and go off half cocked in his desire to prove himself to The Lord. Be cautious, young friend...Take your time, don't be hasty! The time for swift, decisive action will come...but you're still in the planning phase.
Observe the witch's habits, take note of her comings and goings. Maybe do a little window peeping recon around her house under the cover of darkness, being extra cautious not to alert her familiar, that damned little rat chihuahua she is always kissing and fawning over.
Once you have a full understanding of the witch's routines and rituals, you can feel confident in making a discreet, noiseless Christ-authorized arrest.
Okay, now with the basics out of the way, it is time to get to meat of the subject...
First, a short list of essential supplies:
1. Shoe horn, golf ball, super glue
2. Hose clamps, battery acid, alligator clips
3. Stun-gun, vice grips, room temperature salted butter
4. Dog toe-nail clipper, blowtorch, curling iron
5. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, banana
Brothers, I must retreat to the bathroom for a few moments of fervent, white knuckled prayer, if you get my meaning. Please excuse me...BBL with more helpful hints...God bless!