I best be getting back to the dishes

[nikilds]

I heard this girl say, "Jesus Christ!" when an old lady at the grocery store started writing a check.
This is my poem to her hellbound soul.

Debit cards are a Mark of the Beast

My foolish friend
You say, "Im a winner".
However, I object:
You are a sinner.

You curs'd His Name.
Until you repent,
Onto hell
You will be sent.

[Talitha]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

I heard this girl say, "Jesus Christ!" when an old lady at the grocery store started writing a check.
This is my poem to her hellbound soul.

Debit cards are a Mark of the Beast

My foolish friend
You say, "Im a winner".
However, I object:
You are a sinner.

You curs'd His Name.
Until you repent,
Onto hell
You will be sent.

That's a good Poem Sister. However, don't forget Credit Cards.
Here at Freehold we have our very own which is blessed by our Pastors. Every one of our Churches is now fully equipped with an EZ-Slide donation Plate just for such cards.


More information HERE

[nikilds]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Wowzers! With auto-tithing capabilities no less!

Does the Satan Guard protect against frivolous purchases such as yoga classes and immodest skirts skimming mid calf?

[Talitha]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Wowzers! With auto-tithing capabilities no less!

Does the Satan Guard protect against frivolous purchases such as yoga classes and immodest skirts skimming mid calf?

Gosh! There are limits! It depends on this week's ruling by the Board of Decency©.
However, if you can find your way over to the Freehold Nail Parlour tomorrow I can go over the finer detail and get you signed up... Pronto-Tonto!!
Now you're a Member of this Church you are eligible for many "extras"

[Aethereal]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Sister Talitha, I think I'd like to look into a Landover Baptist Church Visa Card. Contrary to popular belief (and whatever is posted on my other abandoned accounts) I have never been to Freehold, Iowa. I am considering moving to Freehold and I wouldn't want to hold up the offering palte by paying in cash.

Nikilds: Absolutely.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

That's a good Poem Sister. However, don't forget Credit Cards.
Here at Freehold we have our very own which is blessed by our Pastors. Every one of our Churches is now fully equipped with an EZ-Slide donation Plate just for such cards.
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More information HERE

ROFL!
36.99% interest? Why not just borrow from a loan shark?
Offshore Banking - ie money laundering
Credit cards don't detect totals - the computer reads the identifying information on the magnetic strip to find out if the account holder has a good enough credit rating to allow the purchase.
And the stores decide whether or not they accept the card, not the other way round.

[Talitha]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Sister Talitha, I think I'd like to look into a Landover Baptist Church Visa Card. Contrary to popular belief (and whatever is posted on my other abandoned accounts) I have never been to Freehold, Iowa. I am considering moving to Freehold and I wouldn't want to hold up the offering palte by paying in cash.

Nikilds: Absolutely.

Well, as you know, we have certain "criteria" that has to be met before you can enter the gates to the inner sanctum that is Freehold.
Sister Nikilds has recently met with these "finer" details after meeting up with Pastor Bobby Joe who personally interviews "Prospects".
We don't allow just anyone in you know, and you will have to prove yourself first.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Well, as you know, we have certain "criteria" that has to be met before you can enter the gates to the inner sanctum that is Freehold.
Sister Nikilds has recently met with these "finer" details after meeting up with Pastor Bobby Joe who personally interviews "Prospects".
We don't allow just anyone in you know, and you will have to prove yourself first.

In other words, BJ audits your bank account to see if you have sufficient funds to buy your way in.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

In other words, BJ audits your bank account to see if you have sufficient funds to buy your way in.

Of course not! Brother BJ and his boys in security have...other duties. We have a team of high-priced joo accountants who take care of the financial "niceties" as we like to call them.

By the way, you are occupying a huge amount of God's bandwidth. When can we expect you to hit that Paypal button at the bottom of the screen? Don't try and rob Jesus!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Of course not! Brother BJ and his boys in security have...other duties. We have a team of high-priced joo accountants who take care of the financial "niceties" as we like to call them.

By the way, you are occupying a huge amount of God's bandwidth. When can we expect you to hit that Paypal button at the bottom of the screen? Don't try and rob Jesus!

So the way to your god's heart is through his wallet, eh? I figured as much.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

So the way to your god's heart is through his wallet, eh? I figured as much.

Lev 27:32 And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

Num 18:26 Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, [even] a tenth [part] of the tithe.
Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Just like your narcotic habit, spreading the Word of Jesus around the globe costs money. We don't make these things up you know.....

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Lev 27:32 And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

What rod have I or my paycheck passed under?


Num 18:26 Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, [even] a tenth [part] of the tithe.
The Levites and the children of Israel were Jewish. I'm not, so Jewish religious law does not apply to me.

Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Read that verse in context - it is also addressed to the Jews. Again, I'm not Jewish, so it doesn't apply to me.



Just like your narcotic habit, spreading the Word of Jesus around the globe costs money. We don't make these things up you know.....

The only drug I do is caffeine, and I'm weaning myself off it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

The only drug I do is caffeine, and I'm weaning myself off it.

Can you show me exactly where in the Bible God commands us to ignore the old Testament? I'll wait....

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

Read that verse in context - it is also addressed to the Jews. Again, I'm not Jewish, so it doesn't apply to me.

You might as well be, considerin' the way you is tryin'a joo yo way outta payin' yo dues to the Lord. And the entire Bible apply to everybody, this be why unsaved folk goes to Hell. But I be interested in how you gonna weasel yo way outta this, since the LORD make it quite obvious in the New Testament that the mo' folk give to Him, the mo' He love them. Praise!

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. - 2 Corinthians 9:6-7

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: I best be getting back to the dishes

You might as well be, considerin' the way you is tryin'a joo yo way outta payin' yo dues to the Lord. And the entire Bible apply to everybody, this be why unsaved folk goes to Hell. But I be interested in how you gonna weasel yo way outta this, since the LORD make it quite obvious in the New Testament that the mo' folk give to Him, the mo' He love them. Praise!

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. - 2 Corinthians 9:6-7

I cheerfully give to my fellow human beings who have less than I. LBC doesn't meet my criteria.