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  • Bjorn Jensen
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Apr 2012
    • 2355
    #1

    Clarification regarding Alabama fire

    I just wanted to clarify that me and other church members' visit to Etowah County, Alabama a couple of days ago, has absolutely no connection, I repeat, no connection to THIS incident, nor was it in any way related to the Landover Baptist Church, in case anyone for some strange reason would think so.

    We were in Alabama to protest the screening of the new Star Wars movie

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    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Clarification regarding Alabama fire

      We believe you, Brother! But, this is a good reminder for our guests that True Christians™ cannot sin, for Satan has no hold over them. Temptation simply is not a problem for he who has been Born Again (1 John 5:18). Which also brings us to the point that - hypothetically - had you been involved, it would not have been sinful anyway. It would have been simply a matter of True Christians™ following God's Perfect Will (John 3:21).
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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        • WilliamJenningsBryan
          True Christian™
           
          • Jan 2007
          • 9384
          #3
          Re: Clarification regarding Alabama fire

          These days it seems to be only Christians that are acquainted with the concept of "Act of God" when it comes to these kinds of things. Thanks to the atheists and postmodernism it's now blamed on "hate crimes", "racism", "patriarchy", "misogyny", "white privilege", or other such nonsense.
          Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
          brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
          ...and get off my lawn
          sigpic

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