Fighting Big Government

[H. Montague Worthington]

One of my top resolutions for 2010 and something I've prayed on quite a bit is my hope to help destroy Big Government this year. So far, here are a few of my policy ideas that I have been promoting among the teabaggers at the VFW Lodge.....

1. Let's get Big Government out of the costly business of defending the country. Let's outsource our military to India, Mexico, or Bolivia and split America's arsenel of nuclear weapons between the states. By my calculations, each of the 50 American states should receive approximately 113 thermonuclear warheads.

2. Privatize America's parking meters.

3. Eliminate the Department of Education, the Centers for Disease Control, the Securities and Exchange Commission, the Federal Aviation Administration, the Department of Transportation, and the Bureau of Weights and Measures.

4. Close the National Zoo, and send the severed heads of the pandas back to China--- just to show them that America means business.

5. Use the power of the free market economy to move the invisible hand of the market through supply and demand incentives, can-doism, and good ol' American know-how.

6. Harness the amazing wealth-creating power of entrepreneurialism by urging Americans to work hard, play by the rules, and believe in their dreams.


Good ideas, huh? I'll bet it would be possible to balance America's budget while actually LOWERING taxes. How? By putting someone in Washington DC who "gets it," throwing the bums out, cutting waste fraud and abuse, and a belief in God!!!

[TC Patriot]

Re: Fighting Big Government

I'm with you all the way. I have long advocated privatizing the military but I would also privatize prisons and public safety ie police and fire/rescue.

I think dividing up the nukes would among the states would no be a good idea. Would you want some Demoncrat governor with his hand on the button? or a woman governor? I think the state with the most True Christians Iowa should get the nukes.

Ideally we should corporatize. I think Brother Free Market Fred would agree.

I also think we should open the national parks up to oil exploration. That will show the tree huggers that we mean business.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Fighting Big Government

Ideally we should corporatize. I think Brother Free Market Fred would agree.

I also think we should open the national parks up to oil exploration. That will show the tree huggers that we mean business.

Amen, Brother TC. Those faggoty tree huggers are no better than terrorists!

This is not to say that I'm insensitive to the need for environmental protection. Indeed, one of our subsidiaries, the Uranus Corporation, just spend over $1 million on a major environmental project:

As you can see from the above video, it's foolish to expect Big Government to provide the answers. You can put your trust in Uranus.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Fighting Big Government

Amen, Brother TC. Those faggoty tree huggers are no better than terrorists!

Amen to that Brother! Which reminds me I have to cut some of my neighbors trees down for my fire place.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Fighting Big Government

Amen to that Brother! Which reminds me I have to cut some of my neighbors trees down for my fire place.

Good job, Brother Cranky. As Ronald Reagan correctly pointed out, trees cause pollution. I'm proud to say that my company has recently started a new environmental project in the Amazon jungle, removing overgrown pollution-causing vegetation:



You can rest assured that we take our environmental obligations seriously. We won't stop until all that overgrowth is completely gone.

[TC Patriot]

Re: Fighting Big Government

Good job, Brother Cranky. As Ronald Reagan correctly pointed out, trees cause pollution. I'm proud to say that my company has recently started a new environmental project in the Amazon jungle, removing overgrown pollution-causing vegetation:



You can rest assured that we take our environmental obligations seriously. We won't stop until all that overgrowth is completely gone.

Trees also attract vermin and Druids and leftist freaks. Not only do they create pollution they attract it.

God bless Ronald Reagan!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Fighting Big Government

As a True Christian Conservative, I believe that we need to put an end to Big Government and get the nanny state out of people's private lives. One important way to do this is by giving big tax breaks to married couples, and financially punishing fornicators.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Fighting Big Government

As a True Christian Conservative, I believe that we need to put an end to Big Government and get the nanny state out of people's private lives. One important way to do this is by giving big tax breaks to married couples, and financially punishing fornicators.

Excellent point, Brother. America needs vigorous enforcement of morality and traditional family values, just as we need a strong foreign policy. The bloated, tax-and-spend, socialist nanny state just gets in the way of both.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Fighting Big Government

As a True Christian Conservative, I believe that we need to put an end to Big Government and get the nanny state out of people's private lives. One important way to do this is by giving big tax breaks to married couples, and financially punishing fornicators.

Amen to that, Brother Temperance. Another way to get Big Government off of people's backs is to let private industry take over the operations of government departments. We can get rid of the IRS and hire a company - my company, for example - to collect taxes, giving us the right to decide how much each person should pay. If people don't pay up, my company should have the right to arrest the deadbeat and keep him/her in a privatized prison labor camp until the taxes are paid. His/her family would be liable for the debt, which would be passed down from generation to generation. If the family has no money, the children will have to work in our factories for minimum wage (minus deductions for room and board) - this is only fair.


Blackwater guard at debtor's privatized prison
"Getting Big Government off our backs"

In short, piratization privatization is the key to freedom and democracy.

"I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub."
- Grover Norquist, Americans for Tax Reform