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Mike Huckabee needs your help to edge out John McCain in the South Carolina primary on Saturday, January 19. Here's a script from a "poll" we are taking that points out a few of the more unsavory aspects of the Godless John McCain's life and record. Please be sure to follow these instructions exactly:
1. You can obtain a list of potential voters to call by entering random first initials and last names here. Select South Carolina as the state, and leave the rest of the text boxes blank.
2. If you live in Freehold, come to the Bowers Towers, and we'll direct you to our phone bank. If you live outside Freehold, do not call from home, your place of business, or your church. Purchase a low cost phone card (available at 7-11 or from your Landover Deacon) and call only from a payphone.
3. If you have a southern accent or can do an accurate imitation of one, play it up. Don't fake it if you can't pull it off, though.
4. Do not be discouraged if most callers refuse to talk to you. Remember that for every caller who does “take the poll,” you’re probably influencing 3 or 4 voters, since they’ll probably pass the information you give them along to friends and family. If each of us can get through to only 100 voters, Huckabee will win in a landslide. Even if they say they don't want to talk, if they don't hang up on you, it's rude not to finish the script, so be persistent!
5. Do not, under any circumstances, give anyone your real name or mention that you are affiliated in any way with the Landover Baptist Church.
6. Be confident when you call. We have already verified all of the facts you will discuss. Remember, you’re not just calling for yourself, you’re calling for God and for the future of America.
7. Follow the script exactly. Do not deviate from the script.
8. This is very important, since there has been some confusion here. Do not read the stuff that isn’t in red text to the persons you call.
9. You don't need to tally the results from the poll or send them to us. God will hear your conversation, so he'll know the results, and that's good enough for us.
Hi, I’m [insert fake name here] with the Vietnam Veterans for Truth organization, taking a poll for the South Carolina Republican primary. Do you have a moment to answer two or three questions?
If they sound like negroes, hang up immediately.
If they say no, then say, It won’t take more than 2 to 3 minutes, and it concerns issues that are vital for our national security. South Carolinians, God bless them, are very big on national security.
Are you registered to vote as a Republican?
If they say no, ask, Do you know anyone who is registered to vote as a Republican?
If the answer is still no, then say, Thank you very much for your time, then, and God bless you and your family. Then hang up.
Who do you support as your candidate for President of the United States?
It doesn’t matter what they answer.
What is your opinion of John McCain?
It doesn’t matter what they answer.
Did you know that John McCain divorced his first wife while she was dying of cancer, then had an illegitimate child with a black woman?
If they say no, then ask, How does that change your opinion of McCain?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Ted Sampley, a decorated Vietnam veteran and former Green Beret has uncovered declassified documents that show that John McCain actually collaborated with the Vietnamese enemy when he was a prisoner of war. Does knowing that change your opinion of John McCain?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
In the Senate, John McCain and John Kerry covered up findings of the Senate Select Committee on POW/MIAs, ignoring irrefutable evidence that there are identified American prisoners of war still in captivity in Vietnam. Does this make you angry?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Did you know that the Navy awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor to John McCain, even though there were no eyewitnesses to his supposed acts of heroism? Would you support someone who would lie to get a medal that other people died for?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Knowing all of this, would you consider voting for John McCain in the primary?
If they say yes, then respond: Thank you very much for your time, and we hope you will definitely vote in the Republican primary on Tuesday, and God bless you and your family. Then hang up.
If they say no, and you are calling on Friday then respond: Thank you very much for your time. We hope that, when you’re in the voting booth, you’ll choose a candidate who reflects your religious values and the best traditions of the US Military. We know that you will do what’s right tomorrow in the Republican primary, and God bless you and your family. .
If they say no, and you are calling on Saturday then respond: Thank you very much for your time. We hope that, when you’re in the voting booth, you’ll choose a candidate who reflects your religious values and the best traditions of the US Military. We know that you will do what’s right in today’s Republican primary, and God bless you and your family. .
If they ask you for your opinion, say, We are a non-partisan group, so we don’t recommend any particular candidate, but personally, I’m voting for Mike Huckabee. He’s the only candidate who has both solid family values and the moral fiber to keep America safe from the terrorists. God Bless!
Then hang up.
1. You can obtain a list of potential voters to call by entering random first initials and last names here. Select South Carolina as the state, and leave the rest of the text boxes blank.
2. If you live in Freehold, come to the Bowers Towers, and we'll direct you to our phone bank. If you live outside Freehold, do not call from home, your place of business, or your church. Purchase a low cost phone card (available at 7-11 or from your Landover Deacon) and call only from a payphone.
3. If you have a southern accent or can do an accurate imitation of one, play it up. Don't fake it if you can't pull it off, though.
4. Do not be discouraged if most callers refuse to talk to you. Remember that for every caller who does “take the poll,” you’re probably influencing 3 or 4 voters, since they’ll probably pass the information you give them along to friends and family. If each of us can get through to only 100 voters, Huckabee will win in a landslide. Even if they say they don't want to talk, if they don't hang up on you, it's rude not to finish the script, so be persistent!
5. Do not, under any circumstances, give anyone your real name or mention that you are affiliated in any way with the Landover Baptist Church.
6. Be confident when you call. We have already verified all of the facts you will discuss. Remember, you’re not just calling for yourself, you’re calling for God and for the future of America.
7. Follow the script exactly. Do not deviate from the script.
8. This is very important, since there has been some confusion here. Do not read the stuff that isn’t in red text to the persons you call.
9. You don't need to tally the results from the poll or send them to us. God will hear your conversation, so he'll know the results, and that's good enough for us.
The Script
Hi, I’m [insert fake name here] with the Vietnam Veterans for Truth organization, taking a poll for the South Carolina Republican primary. Do you have a moment to answer two or three questions?
If they sound like negroes, hang up immediately.
If they say no, then say, It won’t take more than 2 to 3 minutes, and it concerns issues that are vital for our national security. South Carolinians, God bless them, are very big on national security.
Are you registered to vote as a Republican?
If they say no, ask, Do you know anyone who is registered to vote as a Republican?
If the answer is still no, then say, Thank you very much for your time, then, and God bless you and your family. Then hang up.
Who do you support as your candidate for President of the United States?
It doesn’t matter what they answer.
What is your opinion of John McCain?
It doesn’t matter what they answer.
Did you know that John McCain divorced his first wife while she was dying of cancer, then had an illegitimate child with a black woman?
If they say no, then ask, How does that change your opinion of McCain?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Ted Sampley, a decorated Vietnam veteran and former Green Beret has uncovered declassified documents that show that John McCain actually collaborated with the Vietnamese enemy when he was a prisoner of war. Does knowing that change your opinion of John McCain?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
In the Senate, John McCain and John Kerry covered up findings of the Senate Select Committee on POW/MIAs, ignoring irrefutable evidence that there are identified American prisoners of war still in captivity in Vietnam. Does this make you angry?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Did you know that the Navy awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor to John McCain, even though there were no eyewitnesses to his supposed acts of heroism? Would you support someone who would lie to get a medal that other people died for?
It doesn't matter what they answer.
Knowing all of this, would you consider voting for John McCain in the primary?
If they say yes, then respond: Thank you very much for your time, and we hope you will definitely vote in the Republican primary on Tuesday, and God bless you and your family. Then hang up.
If they say no, and you are calling on Friday then respond: Thank you very much for your time. We hope that, when you’re in the voting booth, you’ll choose a candidate who reflects your religious values and the best traditions of the US Military. We know that you will do what’s right tomorrow in the Republican primary, and God bless you and your family. .
If they say no, and you are calling on Saturday then respond: Thank you very much for your time. We hope that, when you’re in the voting booth, you’ll choose a candidate who reflects your religious values and the best traditions of the US Military. We know that you will do what’s right in today’s Republican primary, and God bless you and your family. .
If they ask you for your opinion, say, We are a non-partisan group, so we don’t recommend any particular candidate, but personally, I’m voting for Mike Huckabee. He’s the only candidate who has both solid family values and the moral fiber to keep America safe from the terrorists. God Bless!
Then hang up.
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