Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

[Des]

A Federal court judge did something no government employee not possessed by Satan has ever done; he slipped into the office last Sunday.

Not content with thumbing his nose at the Sabbath as well as soiling American governmental workers 200+ year tradition of never working on weekends under any circumstances, U.S. District Judge Timothy Burgess kicked his shame and sin into overdrive by striking down Alaska's same sex marriage ban.

The population of Alaska is just below three quarters of a million. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate how long it will take for a single fudge packer to turn the entire state gay.

Hour 1=2
Hour 2=4
Hour 3=8
Hour 4=16
Hour 5=32
Hour 6=64
Hour 7=128
Hour 8=256
Hour 9=512
Hour 10=1024
Hour 11=2048
Hour 12=4096
Hour 13=8192
Hour 14=32768
Hour 15=65536
Hour 16=131072
Hour 17=262144
Hour 18=524288
Hour 19=1048576

There are the bare numbers, people. In just 19 hours, less than a day, a single fanny bandit can, through the Satanic magic of exponential buggery, transform the entire state into a pulsating mass of sodomy!

But it gets even worse. The body heat put off by this mountain of anal sex could melt the polar ice cap, triggering world-wide floods, monsoons, tornadoes, and untold plagues! If but one of those soon-to-be sodomites has Ebola, it could combine with the Aids to make Ebolaids!

This could very well be the End of Times!

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/10/12/federal-judge-strikes-down-alaska-first-in-nation-gay-marriage-ban/

[VictoryOS]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Your testimony sent a shiver up my spine, Brother. Those of us who stand firm in the Lord, however, will NEVER be turned gay! Praise Him, hallelujah!

Do you think this applies to the female homosexuals as well?

[Des]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Do you think this applies to the female homosexuals as well?

It is my understanding that Homerettes use a baseball bat sized strap-on phallus or their balled fist & forearm to replicate the traditional sodomasochistic acts of their male counterparts.

Remember, lezbeans aren't doing what they do because they like women. They are doing it because they hate God, or because they think being lezbean is cool and hip.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

It is my understanding that the eskimo population is made up of perverts and queers. They are just as happy to fornicate with a walrus or a penguin as they are with another eskimo, and they don't care about gender the way decent people would.

Ever since the ultra liberals forced Sarah Palin to resign, Alaska has gone downhill fast.

[Des]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Ever since the ultra liberals forced Sarah Palin to resign, Alaska has gone downhill fast.

It is my deepest hope that Sarah is a True Christian™ and therefore protected by the Armor of God against the Alaskan Anal Apocalypse. The thought of that sweet, pure woman being buggered by 735,000 snow monkeys turns my stomach.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Remember, lezbeans aren't doing what they do because they like women. They are doing it because they hate God, or because they think being lezbean is cool and hip.

Verily, Brother. Furthermore, I'd like to elaborate on this. NO-ONE likes women: the gossiping, the nagging, the monthly curse of weird-smelling restrooms and the lot! We tolerate women only because God tells us to use them as vessels for reproduction (Genesis 1:22). Liking has nothing to do with it. God tells us as much!

Ecclesiastes 7:26-28
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart [is] snares and nets, [and] her hands [as] bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, [counting] one by one, to find out the account: Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.


But, back to Alaska. It has never been a proper part of Godly USA despite the previously strong GOP presence. As we know, it was purchased from Russia. The prize was intolerably high (7.2 million $) considering that it is a wasteland of aboriginal homers. They called the deal Seward's folly at the time (1867) and they were right! Many people have been asking if Alaska was a good deal and, as it turns out, it wasn't! It's been only a cesspit of sodomy.

What to do! Alaska does not deserve to be a part of Godly USA any more! Solution: Pay the Russkies to take it back! The initial offer could be Alaska + its inhabitants + the walruses + return of the 7.2 million $. If necessary, the offer could be doubled (14.4. million $, import some homers from liberal states, add Californian sea otter fur harvesting rights, etc.). Everybody would benefit. America would halve its homerpopulation. The Alaskans would benefit from Mr. Putin's rational gay laws. And American defense would rejoice to have a friendly nation on the same continent effectively cornering our enemies, the commie Canuckistan, on both sides.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

But it gets even worse. The body heat put off by this mountain of anal sex could melt the polar ice cap, triggering world-wide floods, monsoons, tornadoes, and untold plagues! If but one of those soon-to-be sodomites has Ebola, it could combine with the Aids to make Ebolaids!

Amen, Brother Des. The liberal media has deliberately ignored the obvious connection between the global warming hoax, homos, AIDS and ebola. Thank the Lord that we have Fox News and Rush Limbaugh to help us connect the dots!

This brings me to an important point that I've been meaning to discuss for some time, and is particularly pertinent in view of the tragic homo-ebola epidemic that is sweeping through Africa.

As a caring sharing corporation, Uranus has been involved in Africa for several decades now. We've helped to develop that cursed continent with IMF loans, diamond mining, and (most importantly) military assistance via our innovative AK-47s for Tots program.

Although I think we've been enormously successful (and profitable!) in Africa, we can't afford to rest on our laurels. It's very important to understand that we need to invest in the continent's youth. After all, young people are the future of tomorrow. Of course, they've benefited enormously from jobs as diamond miners, soldiers and refugees, but if we want to make progress, what we can really do for young people is give them an education.

That's why Uranus Corporation has spent literally hundreds of dollars on building schools in Africa. Furthermore, we've staffed these schools with enthusiastic young white Christian trailer trash from America, who are eager to share their faith and knowledge with the lower races. I can proudly say that this is a great example of how young Republican conservatives are truly free of racism, risking their lives in order to help civilize African voodoo-practicing cannibals who - by all rights - should be burning in Hell right now.

Aside from Bible instruction, our heroic young missionary teens are teaching the ignorant black savages about sex. Yes, that's right. I know it comes as a shock to some of you, but the fact is that in order to keep abortion-loving Planned Parenthood out of the African schools, we've had to introduce sex education into the curriculum. Of course, we emphasize abstinence-only sex education, which Sarah Palin's daughter proved is 100% effective.

I'd like to share some of the highlights of our excellent civilizing efforts.

First off, we want the locals to use condoms (selling them is profitable!). Thus, my company built a condom factory in Liberia 20 years ago. This was done not only because importing condoms would be expensive, but the fact is that Africans require rather "large" sizes which are not sold anywhere else. It just made sense to open a factory where the market is.


Negroes require super-sized condoms

Producing condoms is one thing. If you want to sell them, you need to explain to the locals how to use them. Thus, we invested a good deal of time and money on consumer education.


Condoms keep your fruit fresh...


...and your vegetables clean!

But condoms aren't only for wearing by fruit and vegetables. Condoms are also worn by people.


Missionary teacher demonstrating how to use condoms


Condoms used in the "Ice Bucket Challenge"


Teacher shows that condoms are fashionable

We soon discovered that the Africans really took this message to heart. Our sales of colorful condoms took off, and before long we were seeing new condom-based fashionware popping up in the local mom & pop clothing stores.


Chink model showing off condomware for Third-Worlder's

And you can't imagine how proud we were when Miss Liberia wore a condom dress at the 2008 beauty pageant in Monrovia.


Miss Liberia

Meanwhile, up in the Muslim north part of Nigeria, fashionable Boko Haram terrorists got the message and starting dressing their women appropriately.


Muslim condomware

School kids, of course, just love condoms!


What could be more fun!


Liberian birthday party at missionary school


Blowing off a little steam with a water fight!


Even adults want to get in on the fun!

In short, I think we're doing all we can for the dark continent. It's true that we have some very promising experimental ebola drugs which we could send to Africa right now instead of condoms. However, those drugs are scarce and valuable, and I can't see any point in wasting them on such a hopeless Third World Hell-hole which - if the Lord answers our prayers - will soon be drowned beneath a great flood or burned to ashes by a volcano.

And if the Lord can't do the job, a little VX gas can work wonders at controlling ebola epidemics!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

An rational person would conclude frozen Alaska is isolated and that the evil of sodomy will not reach there.

It turns out Satan reaches every corner of the globe.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Thanks for that Brother Fred. It explains perfectly well what inspired Obola's latest "fashion statement"
.

[Bjorn Jensen]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

Be afraid Аля́ска, be very afraid. Do you really think Putin will tolerate seeing homermarriage from his house?

http://www.ibtimes.com/russian-orthodox-group-wants-alaska-back-its-all-barack-obamas-fault-1151367

Russian Orthodox Group Wants Alaska Back – And It’s All Barack Obama’s Fault

Alaska has only belonged to the U.S. for about 150 years – indeed, before 1867, that huge expanse of northern territory belonged to the Russian Empire.

And, now some ultra-conservative members of the Russian Orthodox church would like it back.

The Russian news agency RIA Novosti reported that the Pchyolki -- a fundamentalist Russian Orthodox group -- filed a lawsuit in a Moscow arbitrage court in which they claim that U.S. President Barack Obama's endorsement of same-sex marriage invalidates the terms of the 1867 sale of Alaska.

The suit was actually filed in January but only came to light recently.

In 1867, the Russians sold Alaska to the U.S. for $7.2 million (or about two cents an acre). (That translates to about $104 million in 2012 dollars).

Pchyolki is an ultra-nationalist organization that has condemned “blasphemers” like the punk rock girl group Pussy Riot and advocated violence against those who would offend the church. Formed in 2008, Pchyolki has also agitated against teaching sex education in Russian schools.

In its court filings, Pchyolki stated that the U.S. government’s purchase of Alaska was illegal for a number of reasons – including that the contract stipulated payment should be made in gold coins, while Washington simply signed a check.

With respect to the Alaska issue, however, Pchyolki seems primarily motivated by their hatred of homosexuality. The suit cites that Obama’s sudden embrace of gay marriage violates the rights and religious freedoms of Orthodox Christians in Alaska, which they estimate make up some 50,000 of Alaska’s total population of 730,000.

The Orthodox residents of Alaska "would never accept sin for normal behavior," the group declared in the suit.

“We see it as our duty to protect their right to freely practice their religion, which allows no tolerance to sin.” *

In an interview with Vice.com, Nikolay Bondarenko, the leader of Pchyolki, said that if Alaska were ever returned to Russia, the American citizens now living there would have three years to move to other parts of the U.S., or remain in Alaska as Russia citizens.

In any case, the $7.2 million paid for Alaska was quite a bargain for the U.S. Alaska now has an annual GDP of some $46 billion.

* you can also add all Baptists to that

[Uncle Festus]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

The only problem brother, is that what you are proposing sounds like that stoopid liberal conspiracy of global warming. And we all know that only almighty God can warm the world up.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Alaska Teeters on Edge of Sodomy!

The only problem brother, is that what you are proposing sounds like that stoopid liberal conspiracy of global warming. And we all know that only almighty God can warm the world up.

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.