2016 Witch Hunt!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Guess what TIME it is!

Yes, Folks it's that time of year again!

I'm sure you all remember the rules, but I'll list them again for the new folks.

1. To prove a kill you must submit genitals, teeth, ears or fingers or toes to the Pastors if you cannot bring in the entire body.

2. Severely maiming will get you points, but it's not as good as a kill.

3. Because of ISIS and unwanted immigration we are now allowing Terrorist Hunting as well. Same rules apply.

You will need a permit, they are now available in the Church Lobby. The cost is $49.99. If you are not able to afford the cost of a Witch Hunting Permit, please fill out a "Hardship" Form available from a Pastor and a permit will be provided for you free of charge.

Winners will receive the coveted 2016 Witch Hunt Award, dinner for 4 at The Red Lobster, a gun of his/her choice from Bob4God's Gun World and a leather bound, over-sized KJV1611 Bible.

Now get out there and get us some witches!

Be GODLY, be good and most importantly HAVE FUN!

Post your results here!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Thank you, my Sister in Christ!

I know I ran into trouble last year with the committee. If you can clarify the rules before I begin the hunt?


Are trap snares legal this year? Specifically, the type that snags the witch by the ankle and suspends it from a tree limb until it can be disposed of?


If so, is there a limit on how many traps I can set?


I want to make it a fair hunt.


In Christ

[Regis Alexandrus]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Withes and Mohammedean terrorists are children of Satan and should be hunted to promote righteousness.

"10 In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother." 1 John 3:10 (KJV)

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

I would like to participate in your hunt this year if it is permissible. I learned to shoot as a member of the Shower Posse when I was but a youth and I believe I could shoot many witches if they show themselves. Do you accept Black men as hunters?

[Didymus Much]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

I would like to participate in your hunt this year...

Uh, Trevor? That might not be the greatest idea, mon. Seriously.

[Phil Ander]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

I would like to participate in your hunt this year if it is permissible. I learned to shoot as a member of the Shower Posse when I was but a youth and I believe I could shoot many witches if they show themselves. Do you accept Black men as hunters?

Hello Tev,


Although you are hellbound, I would not want it to happen before the time that Jesus decides. I've heard that Dick Cheney has also applied for a witch hunting permit. He is known for hunting witches and white men. If he has shot any black men it has been suppressed from the news.


A gentle warning.


Phil

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Sister Daisy Mae, I'm sorry to bother you on a Sunday, as I know you're busy, but could you remind me of the minimum age for entry - if there is one? My three eldest boys (12 and 10) are keen to take part this year, citing Galatians 6:10
As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

YiC
Joanna

[Michael Hezekiah Esq]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

CEASE AND DESIST ORDER


Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law
201 E 42 St
New York, NY 10017


TO: City of Freehold, Iowa
Mayor Johny Joe Hold
Freehold, Iowa


It has been announced on a public forum, to wit: LandoverBaptist.net, that you intend to hold an event at which practitioners of the wiccan and pagan arts and terrorism will be summarily killed. This is in violation of Iowa Code 729A against hate crimes and Iowa Code 707 against murder in the first degree.


You are hereby notified that this event must be cancelled at once. Iowa protects practitioners of Satanism, wicca, and other pagan arts. Your own legislature opened with a wiccan blessing in 2015.


This will serve as your notice to cease and desist all actions listed above immediately. You are hereby instructed to comply with this letter immediately or face legal sanctions under applicable Federal and State law.


I may utilize telephone recording devices to document any telephone conversations if you fail to comply with this cease and desist letter. I intend to keep a log of any contacts you make with me after I post this letter. Please give this very important matter your utmost attention. A copy has been forwarded to Tom Miller, the Iowa Attorney General, and to county law enforcement officials.


Sincerely,
Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

CEASE AND DESIST ORDER


Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law
201 E 42 St
New York, NY 10017


TO: City of Freehold, Iowa
Mayor Johny Joe Hold
Freehold, Iowa


It has been announced on a public forum, to wit: LandoverBaptist.net, that you intend to hold an event at which practitioners of the wiccan and pagan arts and terrorism will be summarily killed. This is in violation of Iowa Code 729A against hate crimes and Iowa Code 707 against murder in the first degree.


You are hereby notified that this event must be cancelled at once. Iowa protects practitioners of Satanism, wicca, and other pagan arts. Your own legislature opened with a wiccan blessing in 2015.


This will serve as your notice to cease and desist all actions listed above immediately. You are hereby instructed to comply with this letter immediately or face legal sanctions under applicable Federal and State law.


I may utilize telephone recording devices to document any telephone conversations if you fail to comply with this cease and desist letter. I intend to keep a log of any contacts you make with me after I post this letter. Please give this very important matter your utmost attention. A copy has been forwarded to Tom Miller, the Iowa Attorney General, and to county law enforcement officials.


Sincerely,
Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law

Freehold is a Charter City with Jesus with Home Rule Powers located in the state of Iowa. A Freehold court judge will dismiss your order come Monday morning - amidst gales of laughter.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

I am proud to announce my first kill. A witch often disguises herself as an animal and I - if I may say - specialize in this kind of hunting. Due to my extensive knowledge of Creation Science, I was able to see through the animal skin of a particular specimen:

In many parts of the world, a witch was thought to turn into a crow or a raven for her night-time adventures, so they could fly away in case of an emergency. The owl has always been associated with death, sorcery and the dark side of life.

I am happy to present the results of my adventures!



Disguised as an animal, and unable to return to the sub-human form of a witch woman even in death, forever remaining in the skin of an unclean fowl (presumably also during her forever stay in Hell)!

Deuteronomy 14:16
The little owl, and the great owl, and the swan,

Please note that despite the risks, I went for the big prey, the great owl!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[handmaiden]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

I am proud to announce my first kill. A witch often disguises herself as an animal and I - if I may say - specialize in this kind of hunting. Due to my extensive knowledge of Creation Science, I was able to see through the animal skin of a particular specimen:
I am happy to present the results of my adventures!



Disguised as an animal, and unable to return to the sub-human form of a witch woman even in death, forever remaining in the skin of an unclean fowl (presumably also during her forever stay in Hell)!

Deuteronomy 14:16
The little owl, and the great owl, and the swan,

Please note that despite the risks, I went for the big prey, the great owl!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Ha! Jesus 1; Harry Potter 0.


Scoringly Yours,


Handmaiden

[Brock Landers]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Is it permissible to hunt with a home made flamethrower? I think it would be delightfully old school to burn the witches just as our righteous ancestors did.

[Didymus Much]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Is it permissible to hunt with a home made flamethrower?...

Where do you live that it's legal to hunt witches?


Even if you were in Freehold, it wouldn't be a good idea, IMO. Horrific, blood-curdling screaming tends to upset the neighbours vs. a nice, quick "bang", and you'd have little evidence of the kill left, for scoring purposes.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Is it permissible to hunt with a home made flamethrower? I think it would be delightfully old school to burn the witches just as our righteous ancestors did.

Mr Landers,

Your enthusiasm is laudable but perhaps a but premature. Sister Daisy Mae Johnson only distributes permits to the True Christian™ members of the community, and those who do not reside within the walled Community that is God's favorite are advised to to follow the law of their land (Romans 13:1) bit strive to change it to a Godly law that would be according to God's will (Exodus 22:18)! I also have my doubts against any heavy machinery, as their efficient use would require daily exercise in a gym (filled with practically naked and alluring young male bodies), and it is redundant to do gymnastics when one can pray.

1 Timothy 4:8
For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.

Mr. Landers, at the moment your growth in Godliness would benefit from being constantly exposed to the Bible and prayer. The time for anti-incantationary entertainment will come (unless Rapture comes first; 1 Thessalonians 4:17) in due course, once you understand that the killing of witches is not for our glory but to Glorify and worship Jesus!!



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Michael Hezekiah Esq]

Re: 2016 Witch Hunt!

Freehold is a Charter City with Jesus with Home Rule Powers located in the state of Iowa. A Freehold court judge will dismiss your order come Monday morning - amidst gales of laughter.

But, Mr. Bryan, there are a few things that make this a moot point.

1. I am filing it in state court, not your kangaroo court where your "pastor" is probably the overseer.
2. Home Rule does not allow the establishment of any local ordinance that conflicts with or contradicts a state statute or the Iowa Constitution.

Your witch hunt won't be held and those who continue to violate the cease and desist will face the wrath of the court.

I am sure you are a yachsen, and I don't bring this action to make enemies, but rather to ensure safety for yours and other communities.

Shalom,
Michael