[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt

Oh, that menu sounds just fabulous, Pastor! My husband asked me to say he's sorry to miss the fun but (as you know, obviously) this stupid business in Istanbul won't go away quietly without skilled intervention.

Back in England, we're beset with obese children begging for candy and have had to turn on the electrification on the main gate. It's pretty funny and my boys are taking video, which I'll upload to the private channel later.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt

What do you all do with the witch remains? I have an uncle who is a taxidermist if any of you are interested in preserving your witch hunt spoils. It's events like these that make me wish me and my Pa moved to Landover. A witch hunt sounds so fun.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt

What do you all do with the witch remains? I have an uncle who is a taxidermist if any of you are interested in preserving your witch hunt spoils.

Christ almighty, would you not ask such stupid questions? Jeezus, there must some rule about this on the forums. You get rid of witch remains the same way your get rid of the fetuses of unwed Irish girls - between concrete walls or buried in interior courtyards. Anyway keeping human trophies is barbaric - unless they're alive and your wife.

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt

Well! What a night!

The Hutchins brood averaged about 10 confirmed kills per person. The bodies filled an entire stake body truck. My children learned a valuable lesson. To have a fun hunt, you must let the witches have free reign (within reason of course) for the year. Let them fatten up (they are all gluttons) and fall into a sense of security/safety. Do not hunt them off season. Then when the hunt starts on 10/31, there are plenty for everyone, even the littlest of tykes.


Little Timothy, God Bless him, walked up to a witch yesterday afternoon, about 4:30 PM (I know, a little early but he is just a toddler) when we were in town. The witch bent over him and exclaimed "Aren't you adorable, I could just eat you up!" Well hearing that, his eyes widened, quick as a whip, he opened his 'LBC For Christ' knapsack . Quick as a whip, he had his .22 semi automatic in his tiny hand, the barrel pressed to the hags forehead. Pop, pop,pop,pop,pop! So cute! His first kill! He looked up to me and said "Bad witch, want to eat me. No Bite me. Dead witch!" I had to explain to him to refill his magazine as you never know when another witch will swoop down on you. Seeing those tiny fingers pressing rounds into the magazine, with no help from daddy. I am so very proud to be an True American Christian™. I cannot wait to have his log book stamped this coming Sunday after Church during the 2018 Witch Hunt ceremonies.


I heard the event at Pastor Ezekiel's was (no surprise) a resounding success. While the crowd that was there was not as large as desired, a massive amout of untouched food had to be taken to the Des Moines landfill. What a waste. However on the plus side, every single Platinum Tither™ had bought tickets resulting in a sold out event. I hear there were witches left and Bobby-Joe did a demonstration of his water cooled belt feed .80 cal. Of course, since he was an employee at the event and not a participant, his kills did not count. I was told they had to use a shovel to pick up the corpses.

No doubt, due to the Perfection® of Platinum Tithers™ one of them (Probably our own Pastor Flint) will be awarded the plague for the most kills.

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt

The final tally is in and as expected, Pastor Ezekiel Flint had the highest count in his log book. 1,629. His fiance, the every gracious and chaste Daisy Mae was a close second as 1,245. Being as no prizes are awarded for any count other than first and second, there is no need to mention anyone else.


A white pearlescent fully armored 2019 Escalade is being awarded to our eagle eyed Pastor and a pink pearlescent 2019 Escalade (with shopping bag holder) to our very own Daisy Mae.


Rumor has it, next year they will have matching Vanity plates 'The Flints'.




Please contact the LBC Dept. of Sanitation and Cleanliness(c) for any witch body removal, Be aware that anyone not a Platinum Tither(r) will be required to pay a $1.00/pound removal 'Gift to the Church', so drain and bag the witches! Please do not just leave them in a pile in the gutter outside your home. What would visitors think? Those with sufficient land may dump the bodies in a trench. Do not forget about using lime!


So start stocking up on Ammo for next your, it could be your chance to win and win big!


A parting shot: