[DeadonDemonDrool]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.) Anne Rice is awesome![*]Has pale, light skin. I seriously can't tan[*]Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.No way in hell!
[*]Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.Yeppers[*]Wears all black constantly.Not so, really.
[*]Has a preoccupation with death.Nuh uh.
[*]Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.no[*]Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food.I'm okay with garlic[*]Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces. Would You like it if I shoved a pentagram in your face?[*]Is deceitful.Nope[*]Has many sexual relations.Um, yeah, about that.
[*]The opposite sex finds the person "charming". Why wouldn't they?[*]Eats meat rather voraciously. Hey, by the time I get any I'm starving![*]The person plays electric guitar. What, about a harp?[*]Afraid of fire. Have you ever been lit on fire?[*]Is Bisexual or Homosexual. Bisexual[*]Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints. Democrat, what is the significance of this?[*]Watches horror films.Nein[*]Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood). Why would I do that?[*]Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities. Is singing bizarre?[*]Has sharp teeth. I like 'em sharp![*]Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day. What's so wrong with sunlight?[*]Professes a "psychic" power of some sort. I am actually psychic!
[*]Is pagan/satanic. Wiccan
[*]Greatly enjoys cats as pets. They're so cute![*]Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13. What about 3[*]Tendency to being a social outcast. Nah[*]Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.I am rather young
[*]Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). I don't wear any[*]Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points] I wish I was. Especially like Akasha from Queen of the Damned! [/LIST]
How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so. So I'm probably a vampire? Alright! Yay!
16+. Definitely a vampire.

[JennyD]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I'm back Jenny. I was just securing both of your plane tickets. One flight from JFK to DSM (Des Moines) on American Airlines, first class for LostGirl. And for you, Jenny, as a token of goodwill towards your recent falling out with our church, Capt. Portway will come by in the Gulfstream.

Glory!

Of course, Rev. Jim, you do realize I'm already in Iowa with my bodyguard good friend Vinnie, my teammate in the Witch Hunt. Why, I just turned in the 42 Wiccan ears yesterday; Sister Victory tallied them up and confirmed my count.

Vinnie will be happy to drive me to the hotel and secure the premises with some assistance from his local family friends in the aggregate and waste disposal businesses.

I can't wait for both of you girls to join me this weekend. Whatever vampiress tendencies will be licked clean by me.

I've no doubt you can lick any untoward tendencies, Rev. Jim!

[Mordecai]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Here's my score although I'm not sure how these make me a vampire.

1. Has pale, light skin.
2. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day. Not sure how late 'late' is so I put this one although it might not apply.
3. Listens to heavy metal music. The music I listen to don't have anti-Christian lyrics although it is classed a "Metal"
4. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
5. The person plays electric guitar. Not sure how this one applies? Could someone explain please.
6. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints. Do vampires have a political motivation/agenda?
7. Watches horror films. From the films I have seen I would not have said I was a vampire
8. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.

[FoundGirlJNB]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I'll have to confer with LostGirl, but I believe we've agreed that the best thing to do is for the two of us to meet with the good Reverend, then begin bi-weekly counseling sessions where he can meet and counsel us along with other ladies.

Maybe you'd like to join those sessions, assuming you've decided to become one of us and accept the gift of eternal life . . . through Christ, that is.

I don't see a problem in allowing WW to join us on our first follow up session, but still persist that me and JennyD should taste test the proverbial waters first.

I have already started starving myself to make sure I am hungry for the Lord. I will only be feeding off the words from the KJV and the willing Rev. Jim. PRAISE!

[FoundGirlJNB]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I'm back Jenny. I was just securing both of your plane tickets. One flight from JFK to DSM (Des Moines) on American Airlines, first class for LostGirl. And for you, Jenny, as a token of goodwill towards your recent falling out with our church, Capt. Portway will come by in the Gulfstream.

I've procured the hotel reservations. You'll love the Grand Presidential Suite. Wonderfully luxurious king-size bed to lay upon as we spend hour after hour reading the Bible and discussing issues. There's also a hot tub in-suite for some relaxing afterwards.

I can't wait for both of you girls to join me this weekend. Whatever vampiress tendencies will be licked clean by me.

I am so pleased to learn about your never failing willingness to help girls with such blood-thirsty tendencies such as myself and my good Sister JennyD. God Bless you Rev. Jim for all your sacrifices.

The burden this must be to you. We can only but try and make this up to you by soaking up every drop of Godly love you offer to us! We will not disappoint you!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I'm back Jenny. I was just securing both of your plane tickets. One flight from JFK to DSM (Des Moines) on American Airlines, first class for LostGirl. And for you, Jenny, as a token of goodwill towards your recent falling out with our church, Capt. Portway will come by in the Gulfstream.

I've procured the hotel reservations. You'll love the Grand Presidential Suite. Wonderfully luxurious king-size bed to lay upon as we spend hour after hour reading the Bible and discussing issues. There's also a hot tub in-suite for some relaxing afterwards.

I can't wait for both of you girls to join me this weekend. Whatever vampiress tendencies will be licked clean by me.

[JennyD]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Ok....This is barely worth a response.

Yet you feel compelled to add your 1.5 cents.

Most of those conditions of being a vampire are found in most of the guys i know. If all of them were vampires, then it would be the end of all civilization, and perhaps the end of life as we know it. That's why there's only one.

One what? Highlander?

Rev. Osborne, LostGirl and I are so looking forward to that session with you . . . We're so hungry for the red-hot love of Jesus coursing through your veins! Hurry, please hurry!

[Moo2]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Ok....This is barely worth a response. Most of those conditions of being a vampire are found in most of the guys i know. If all of them were vampires, then it would be the end of all civilization, and perhaps the end of life as we know it. That's why there's only one.

[JennyD]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Hmm, I suddenly feel a thirst coming upon me. May I join?

I'll have to confer with LostGirl, but I believe we've agreed that the best thing to do is for the two of us to meet with the good Reverend, then begin bi-weekly counseling sessions where he can meet and counsel us along with other ladies.

Maybe you'd like to join those sessions, assuming you've decided to become one of us and accept the gift of eternal life . . . through Christ, that is.

[WickedWitch]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

You're not fooling anybody, Alie. I'm personally surprised you scored so low for what I thought you would get. It's 'cause I'm a vegetarian.

And what kind of inane question is that? That's like saying: "Can't a person worship Allah, pray to Mecca 5 times a day, and blow up airplanes for Muhammad without being accused of being a Muslim?"

That doesn't detract from the point that the test is a tad unfair. Just because a person drinks blood doesn't mean they're a vampire.

Hmm, well, as long as it's at night . . .

LostGirl, would you like to join? I know it's been a long while for me since I've received nourishment from a Man of God, and I'm getting very hungry for that life-giving communion that ladies such as we so desperately need.

We should join together and feed on his Godliness, don't you agree? I'm sure we can come up with several other ladies in similar need! I can think of ten, maybe eleven more, in fact.

Rev. Jim, maybe we should make other arrangements. I wouldn't want this very special evening to be interrupted. Perhaps LostGirl and I can set something up with those other ladies?

Hmm, I suddenly feel a thirst coming upon me. May I join?

[JennyD]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Indeed I would JennyD. I realize that I need nourishment from a Man of God, and will not pass on such an offer lest I be banished for my lack of efforts to have a true meeting with God!

Perhaps we should just keep it as you an me and the Reverend though. I for one know that I need all the life-giving communion I can get.

Now, my dear Sister, let's not be selfish . . . You know how much those eleven other ladies need to feast upon the red-hot life-giving Love of a Man of God! Surely you wouldn't deprive them, would you? The two of us don't need EVERY drop . . . of Love, that is.

Of course, regular meetings would have a certain benefit; I'm starting to see your point! Every two weeks, yes, that timing would be about right . . .

You've got a good idea there, Sister! Yes, let's you and I meet with the good Reverend first, then introduce him to the other ladies one or two at a time. No need to overwhelm him!

[FoundGirlJNB]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Hmm, well, as long as it's at night . . .

LostGirl, would you like to join? I know it's been a long while for me since I've received nourishment from a Man of God, and I'm getting very hungry for that life-giving communion that ladies such as we so desperately need.

We should join together and feed on his Godliness, don't you agree? I'm sure we can come up with several other ladies in similar need! I can think of ten, maybe eleven more, in fact.

Rev. Jim, maybe we should make other arrangements. I wouldn't want this very special evening to be interrupted. Perhaps LostGirl and I can set something up with those other ladies?

Indeed I would JennyD. I realize that I need nourishment from a Man of God, and will not pass on such an offer lest I be banished for my lack of efforts to have a true meeting with God!

Perhaps we should just keep it as you an me and the Reverend though. I for one know that I need all the life-giving communion I can get. Perhaps once I am a true Christian we could set up bi-monthly counseling sessions just to replenish the soul with the helping hand and warm guidance of a man of God such as Rev. Jim. For those sessions I would be happy for any ladies to join us!

I hear Rev. Jim could get any last demons I might have in me out with one swift action - is that true?

-- GettingCloserToMySalvationEveryDayGirlNY

[JennyD]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Also to the ladies: I noticed both of you didn't score over 16 so there is just a possibility that you are vampiresses but it's not confirmed. Still, you may need to do some private pastoral counseling because both of those scores are too high for both of you.

If you want I'm available this Friday night at 10 pm. We can meet someplace discrete and out of the way, how about the Des Moines Hilton? Just one of you or both, it doesn't matter. PM me if you're interested.

Hmm, well, as long as it's at night . . .

LostGirl, would you like to join? I know it's been a long while for me since I've received nourishment from a Man of God, and I'm getting very hungry for that life-giving communion that ladies such as we so desperately need.

We should join together and feed on his Godliness, don't you agree? I'm sure we can come up with several other ladies in similar need! I can think of ten, maybe eleven more, in fact.

Rev. Jim, maybe we should make other arrangements. I wouldn't want this very special evening to be interrupted. Perhaps LostGirl and I can set something up with those other ladies?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Hey, cool idea! Let's all compare scores!



My score: 22 - Definitely a vampire. No I'm not, dammit! Can't a girl be pretty, pale, Goth, Pagan, and drink blood without being accused of being a vampire?!

You're not fooling anybody, Alllie. I'm personally surprised you scored so low for what I thought you would get.

And what kind of inane question is that? That's like saying: "Can't a person worship Allah, pray to Mecca 5 times a day, and blow up airplanes for Muhammad without being accused of being a Muslim?"

[WickedWitch]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I'll take the test myself! Maybe I'm a vampire :O



Let's see...the grand total is...4 I think lol.

Sweet I'm not a vampire


Thanks for this test Rev. Jim!

Hey, cool idea! Let's all compare scores!

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.) Anne Rice, yes; Twilight, abso-f*cking-lutely not! 1 point.
2. Has pale, light skin. Yep. Pale as snow. 1 point
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day. Check - 1 point.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult. Hehe, kinda obvious. 1 point.
5. Wears all black constantly. Check. 1 point.
6. Has a preoccupation with death. Hey now,I can't help that I'm a necrophiliac! 1 point.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music. Check. 1 point.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food. I ADORE garlic, I have it on almost everything. No point.
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces. I don't like Christianity and I get a little bit miffed when I'm accosted by total strangers trying to convert me, telling me I'm going to hell and what have you. 1 point.
10. Is deceitful. Not true. No point.
11. Has many sexual relations. Not true. No point.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming". True! 1 point.
13. Eats meat rather voraciously. Nope, I'm a vegetarian. No point.
14. The person plays electric guitar. Nope, although I was teaching myself accoustic guitar, but I kinda left that behind. Anyway! No point.
15. Afraid of fire. Seriously untrue, I'm a total pyromaniac! No point.
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual. Not true. No point.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints. Check! 1 point.
18. Watches horror films. Double check. 1 point.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood). Well, I do engage in blood-letting, yes, but it's mostly other people who bleed for me - rarely do I have to resort to drinking my own blood. So I guess that's 1 point.
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities. True! 1 point.
21. Has sharp teeth. Sorta, yeah. 1 point.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day. Extremely true, I hate the sun. 1 point.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort. I have a pretty well tuned intuition, sure. 1 point.
24. Is pagan/satanic. Duh. 1 point.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets. You betcha! I actually had 13 cats at one point, lol. A little kitty coven, hehehe! Anyway, 1 point.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13. 13 is actually one of my favourite numbers - how did you know that? 1 point.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast. I don't socialise an often lot, if that's what you mean. 1 point.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age. True. Kinda drives me crazy, actually. Sucks being 21 and looking 16. 1 point.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). Ya caught me! 1 point.
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points] No, actually, I kinda get accused of being a vampire every now and then and always refute it. No point.

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.

My score: 22 - Definitely a vampire. No I'm not, dammit! Can't a girl be pretty, pale, Goth, Pagan, and drink blood without being accused of being a vampire?!