[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

What's wrong with electric guitar?

Isn't it obvious? Why do you think they make them with penis shaped corners?

[gustos]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

What's wrong with electric guitar?

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

A poor disguise.

Very poor indeed.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

The Jehovas witnesses? I guess they are vampires in disguise.

A poor disguise.

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Aren't they the ones that come knocking on your door with "literature" to try to interest you in their "Religion?"

The Jehovas witnesses? I guess they are vampires in disguise.

[SUV]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Aren't they the ones that come knocking on your door with "literature" to try to interest you in their "Religion?"

[proteastantguy]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Let me see.

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.) No way.
2. Has pale, light skin. Not even close to.
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day. Nah I've got things to do at day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult. No.
5. Wears all black constantly. No.
6. Has a preoccupation with death. No
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music. Yes.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food. No
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces.
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations. No
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming". No to be honest, I'm quite uncharming.
13. Eats meat rather voraciously. No
14. The person plays electric guitar. No
15. Afraid of fire. No
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual. No
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints. Yes
18. Watches horror films. Sometimes.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities. Never.
21. Has sharp teeth. No.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day. Not true.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort. No.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets. I do endeed like cats.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13. No.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast. Yes.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age. Not true
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). No, make-
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points] No

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.

Around 5 points.

[Ultros]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Some of these are incorrect... I'll bold which ones...

Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.)
2. Has pale, light skin. (Can Change)
   
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.
5. Wears all black constantly.
6. Has a preoccupation with death.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food. (Garlic Is Tasty)
   
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces. (Crosses, no)
   
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
13. Eats meat rather voraciously.
14. The person plays electric guitar.
15. Afraid of fire. (Actually Likes Fire)
    
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints.
18. Watches horror films.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities.
21. Has sharp teeth.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women). (Some Do.)
    
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points]

All else is true.

[NightwishDweeb]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Vampires have been commonplace for thousands of years. While there are many fantasy works such as Bram Stoker's Dracula, the film Dracula, Anne Rice's novels, and now the Twilight books and films, these beings are not just restricted to fantasy and overactive goth imaginations. Vampires are real and on Earth to do Satan's bidding.

The most famous real-life vampire was Vlad the Impaler, the original Count Dracula, who used to impale his victims with long poles (hence his namesake) and drink their blood. Another famous vampire was the lesbian countess Elizabeth d'Bathory of Hungary who killed hundreds of virgin girls and bathed in their blood. But, these vampires didn't just exist in the past. Even today, there are vampire cults springing up everywhere and their numbers are spreading. More people than ever are publicly self-identifying as vampires.

Vampires are people who sell their souls to the Devil in exchange for supernatural powers. They kill people and drink their blood to gain their power. They perform rituals in service to Satan. They are enemies of Christ and must be stopped.

The following is a test/checklist that any concerned True Christian™ can do on a suspected vampire. It is imperative that any concerned parent whose child is dabbling in emo/goth/occult practices to test them to make sure if they have become a vampire or plan on it. You may want to print out this page and carry it around with you for quick reference on identifying suspected vampires.


Score 1 point to all that apply:

1. The person has an interest in vampire art (Anne Rice, Twilight, etc.)
2. Has pale, light skin.
3. Stays up late at night and sleeps during the day.
4. Has an interest in the paranormal and occult.
5. Wears all black constantly.
6. Has a preoccupation with death.
7. Listens to goth/emo/heavy metal music.
8. Has an aversion to garlic and doesn't like it on their food.
9. Hates Christianity and can't stand crosses being shoved in front of their faces.
10. Is deceitful.
11. Has many sexual relations.
12. The opposite sex finds the person "charming".
13. Eats meat rather voraciously.
14. The person plays electric guitar.
15. Afraid of fire.
16. Is Bisexual or Homosexual.
17. Has liberal/democrat political viewpoints.
18. Watches horror films.
19. Cuts themselves (to drink their own blood).
20. Involves themselves in role-playing/cosplay, or other bizarre activities.
21. Has sharp teeth.
22. Doesn't like sunlight and stays indoors during the day.
23. Professes a "psychic" power of some sort.
24. Is pagan/satanic.
25. Greatly enjoys cats as pets.
26. Favorite numbers are either 666 or 13.
27. Tendency to being a social outcast.
28. Doesn't seem to age; looks youthful for their age.
29. Wears heavy makeup (both men and women).
30. Publicly self-identifies as a vampire [Worth 10 points]

How to score.
0-5. Not a vampire.
6-10. Could possibly be a vampire. Keep an eye out just in case.
11-15. Probably a vampire. Not proven, but it's safe to assume so.
16+. Definitely a vampire.

Please be safe this Helloween season since this is often the time when vampires come out more in public and also get more bold in their activities.

1: twilight? please its NOT a vampire movie/book its romance (have you seen it?) btw i like fantasy literature so i take the point
3: I used to be a Security Officer i worked mainly nights does it count?
5: whats wrong with that?
7: most heavy metal songwriters are deeply cahristian, they go to church regulary
9: i hate anything shoved in my face
11: does past relatioships count?
12: of course!
14: play guitar but i prefer acoustic does that count?
15: i dont want to walk through fire
17: whats wrong with that? doesnt people have a freedom of oppinion in this country?
18: love them
20: define role playing please
21: i chipped some of my teeth in various fights
25: arent cats and other pets/animals creations of God?
27: i dont like gatherings
28: i take that as a complement

i have scored 18 does it make me a bad person?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

When do I get all the cool powers like being able to turn into a bat?

Never. Satan lied to you.

[Ibelievenietzchienot]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

I got 17 and I know I am human......

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Maybe you should meet with Rev. Osborn. I believe he set the vampiresses JennyD and LostGirlNY free from their terrible imprisonment to bloodlust. Maybe he can also help you!

[Amanda the Fool]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

How come I identify with over sixteen of these things and yet I'm not a blood thirsty Satan loving monster? When do I get all the cool powers like being able to turn into a bat?

[Mark Antony]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

Take to Pastor Zeke. He is more than willing to help out young men on dealing with sin.

Thank you, Bobby-Joe.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters

heck, I'm scorin a 16+ here, and sure don't wanna get eternel demonic ass pounding inna fiery lake! Can't someone help me out here?

Take to Pastor Zeke. He is more than willing to help out young men on dealing with sin.