Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

[Jim Farmer]

Many newcomers to this forum wonder if they're cut out to be True Christians™.
Matthew 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen

Take this simple test to see if you might be able to make it. Only a perfect score means that you may have a chance. But a perfect score will guarantee nothing.

I'll post the correct answers in a couple of days.

1. Which country does God favour the most?
a) Canada
b) Israel
c) Australia
d) USA
e) England

2. What is your opinion on same sex marriage?
a) I’m fine with it, provided churches are not compelled to perform the marriage
b) It’s an abomination according to God
c) If it’s legal, just don’t let me know about it
d) God loves everybody, so why not?
e) It should be mandatory for everyone.

3. What do you think about masturbation?
a) I love it; I masturbate every day
b) We all do it
c) It’s a taboo subject and should not be talked about
d) It’s fine for men, but women shouldn’t do it
e) Millions of babies die every time you masturbate

4. What happens if you trespass in only one of God's commandments?
a) Say 3 Hail Marys and God forgives you
b) Just say you're sorry to God
c) God has forgiven your sins, so it doesn't matter, and you'll still go to Heaven
d) Who cares? I'm an agent of Satan.
e) You are as guilty as if you'd broken all His commandments

5. Who would make the best President of the US?
a) Joe Biden
b) Hilary Clinton
c) Sarah Palin
d) Julian Castro
e) Pastor Ezekiel Flint

6. Which statement most accurately describes Jesus?
a) Jesus loves everyone
b) He was a joo who was nothing more than a prophet
c) Who?
d) He was sent by God to save us all from our sins
e) Jesus is God, and God is Jesus. The Father and the Son are one and the same.

7. What will happen if you visit a secular doctor?
a) You will be healed
b) You will die
c) God will think you're a pretty smart cookie
d) God will bestow you with eternal health and riches
e) You won't get any better unless you visit a homeopath

8. What is the best book?
a) Charles Darwin’s Origin of the Species
b) 50 Shades of Grey
c) The Bible – King James Version 1611
d) Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion
e) Douglas Adams’ A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

9. What will happen if you accidentally see your father naked.
a) You'll want to sodomize him
b) He'll want to sodomize you
c) You'll be cursed and become a slave
d) You'll never be able to look him in the face again
e) You'll compare penis sizes with him

10. Who is the most Godly man outside the USA?
a) Vladimir Putin
b) David Cameron
c) Benjamin Netanyahu
d) Tony Abbott
e) Bashar al-Assad

11. How does Jesus show His love towards His enemies?
a) He slays them all.
b) Jesus forgives everybody, even His enemies
c) He gives their names to St Peter to send to Hell
d) He invites them for dinner
e) He makes them wash His feet

12. What should women do for an occupation?
a) Scientist
b) Teacher
c) Nurse
d) Housewife
e) Preacher

13. Which of the following animals are fictional? (There may be more than one)
a) Dinosaurs
b) Unicorns
c) Centaurs
d) Talking donkeys
e) Horse-sized locusts

14. When should someone be baptised?
a) There is no real need to be baptised, as God forgives your sins, anyway
b) as soon as possible after they're born
c) before puberty
d) only when they're old enough to understand its true purpose
e) Never. Why get baptised?

15. Which is God’s favourite place of worship?
a) Westboro Baptist Church
b) Westminster Abbey
c) Landover Baptist Church
d) St Peter’s Basilica, Rome
e) Masjid al-Haram

16. Which statement most accurately describes your opinion of homosexuals?
a) I’m gay
b) What they do in their bedrooms is of no concern to me
c) What they do is disgusting, well, just because it is
d) God tells us they are an abomination
e) Each to his own

17. What should your relationship be with your mother?
a) You will always love her
b) You should hate her
c) You remember when she suckled you
d) You see her as an old haggard wrinkly thing
e) You wonder what your father ever saw in her

18. What should you do with naughty children?
a) Send them to the naughty corner
b) Tell them you hate them
c) Tell them that Santa won’t come this year
d) Beat them to within an inch of their lives
e) Give them a light smack and tell them it hurts you more than it does them

19. What is appropriate behaviour between a betrothed man and woman?
a) No physical contact should occur
b) Holding hands and a kiss on the cheek is as far as they should go.
c) Cuddling and kissing while fully clothed is fine.
d) Anal sex, but not vaginal sex is permitted
e) Full sexual contact should be encouraged, in case they're not sexually compatible.

20. Who judges the angels' performances?
a) True Christians™
b) Satan
c) God
d) the Holy Ghost
e) Barack Obama

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Thank you, Brother. It is important that unsaved trash see the basic requirements of becoming a Christian(tm). While this is easy for True Believer(tm), it takes a heathen years of study to gain enough Biblical knowledge to decipher God's will in an adequate manner. And still only a few of them gain entry into Heaven with us...

I am sure your quizz will be a valuable tool in educating the pagans who swarm our Forum. I have here a warning for those who try to ridicule these teachings:

2 Chronicles 36:16
But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy.


Btw, lazy unbelievers, the above verse does not give you any clues regarding the quizz. You'll have to WORK for your Salvation!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

In the years of my youthful folly as a smack shooting, Goetic wizard, I lacked the Christian discernment to perceive that consciousness transformation through animal sacrifice aided by illicit drugs was stealing from the job creating class and setting a bad example for the poor, who can only act responsibly under the tutelage of a fiscally advantaged church community. Today I am an independently wealthy entrepreneur, and a testament to the Salvific Power of Faith in Christ. I have not been raped once since I was saved (by Jesus), neither in the flesh nor in any metaphorical sense.

I wish only that the whiners and complainers of this world would bring their campaign against Christ to a close so that we wouldn't have to step over them as they lay dying of exposure, starvation, and curable diseases in public areas. Or at least relocate themselves outside of the community to prevent fire hazards and contamination.

God bless.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

That's a good quiz! Maybe you can post more, testing people on Biblical knowledge too? My husband sees it as a good way to make sure I have not forgotten the basics.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

In the years of my youthful folly as a smack shooting, Goetic wizard, I lacked the Christian discernment to perceive that consciousness transformation through animal sacrifice aided by illicit drugs was stealing from the job creating class and setting a bad example for the poor, who can only act responsibly under the tutelage of a fiscally advantaged church community. Today I am an independently wealthy entrepreneur, and a testament to the Salvific Power of Faith in Christ. I have not been raped once since I was saved (by Jesus), neither in the flesh nor in any metaphorical sense.

I wish only that the whiners and complainers of this world would bring their campaign against Christ to a close so that we wouldn't have to step over them as they lay dying of exposure, starvation, and curable diseases in public areas. Or at least relocate themselves outside of the community to prevent fire hazards and contamination.

God bless.

Darling Billy Bob, true warrior for Christ:

Your testimony always touches me deeply. I shared your post with Mother and Father today, and their response was, "Why didn't you find a man like Billy Bob to be your husband?" You may recall you met Mother when you were contracted to remove the forest behind their condominium complex so the spinster Mills twins could expand their reflecting pool. (I have never seen such an amazing job, brother) There is no doubt in my mind that God Himself guides your hand with every swing of your large axe. Thank you for sharing!

In awe,
NRL

[Harsha Shah]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Yes. This is fun. I am not trying to pretend to be a christian when I am answering. No.
1 No good alternatives
2 C
3 C
4 No good alternatives
5 B
6 A
7 No good alternatives
8 E
9 E is so much fun but I am a woman...
10 B
11 B
12 ABCDE
13 BCDE
14 D
15 D
16 B
17 A
18 You must never use violence
19 B
20 C

I am hoping I am learning. Yes.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Harsha, You scored 1 out of 20.
You have a long way to go

[WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

1. D
2. D
3. B
4. E
5. C
6. D
7. A
8. E
9. D
10. B
11. C
12. A
13. All of them
14. B
15. C
16. B
17. A
18. A
19. Z
20. C

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Many W's, you did better than Harsha. You scored 3 out of 20. Keep studying.

[WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Many W's, you did better than Harsha. You scored 3 out of 20. Keep studying.

How the universe do you still manage to fail me?!

I wanted a A++++ by Bahamut himself!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Bahamut is an Arab invention
You'll have to do better than that.

[WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Bahamut is an Arab invention
You'll have to do better than that.

Go Away Tiamat.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Yes. This is fun. I am not trying to pretend to be a christian when I am answering. No.
1 No good alternatives
2 C
3 C
4 No good alternatives
5 B
6 A
7 No good alternatives
8 E
9 E is so much fun but I am a woman...
10 B
11 B
12 ABCDE
13 BCDE
14 D
15 D
16 B
17 A
18 You must never use violence
19 B
20 C

I am hoping I am learning. Yes.

Don't worry. You're just a woman, and we ladies learn slowly given the tiny size of our brain. Just keep on studying dear.

[Nobar King]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Test writing is a difficult skill and you have included some patterns that a smarter than average atheist could detect.

How To Outsmart Any Multiple-Choice Test

I'm just saying that people who have already failed this test will be able to determine the correct answers.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Do you have the potential to be a True Christian™?

Brother Nobar, I avoided most of those methods in your link. Sure, you'd have to be an idiot not to get some of the questions right, but for the majority, that article simply does not apply. They're randomly sorted so 'surrounding answers' don't help. In hardly any, but some, is the longest answer the correct one. And I don't believe you can 'eliminate outliers'.
For the record though, if the questions were to be randomly answered without even reading them, you'd have to get on average, 4 of them correct - which really makes me wonder about the respondents so far.