Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

[Jim Farmer]

Like most True Christians™, my Bibles wear out at an extraordinary rate. I am constantly looking for replacement copies. So I thought I'd details some results of my searches for Bibles.

There are a number of interesting Bibles

Firstly, the reliable mainstay of every True Christian™ home:

The American Patriot's Bible, KJV The Word of God and the Shaping of America

Now, with the translation the Founders used, the King James Version, discover the Bible's role in the making of America. This beautiful Bible spotlights the people and events that demonstrate the godly qualities that have made America great. The American Patriot's Bible connects three important elements: the teachings of the Bible, the history of the United States, and the connection it has to life today.
Features include:

• Full-color presentation and family record section
• 48 beautiful full-color pages including memorable images from America's history
• 1600 Bible pages (illustrated, two-color) with: 80 full-page articles, 70 half-page articles, 104 quarter-page articles, and 66 book introductions
• Index and concordance

The American Patriot's Pocket Bible, Camo Edition, KJV
Official Multicam ® Camouflage , Flexible Cloth

Features Include:

• Full-color presentation and family record section
• 48 beautiful full-color insert pages: 12 four-page sections including memorable images from our nation's history
• Large print King James Version Bible text
• 1600 illustrated, two-color Bible pages with: 80 full-page articles, 70 half-page articles, 104 quarter-page articles, and 66 book introductions
• Index and Concordance

The durability of the Waterproof Bible gives you the freedom to take God's Word with you anywhere - hunting, fishing, camping, missions... with worry free confidence that your Bible will withstand the test of time.

• Extremely Durable Synthetic Pages
• 100% Worry Free
• Ultra Clear Text
• Ideal for Gear Bag or Backpack
• Dry Highlight
• Stain Resistant
• Write and Underline
• No Bleed Thru
• F L O A T S

This would definitely be useful for the elderly whose eyesight is not what it used to be.

And then there are the false Bibles.


(NIV false Bible) For fluffy bunny teenage girls


What?


This is not a Bible. It contains 67 stories from the New Testament. I don't know which version, but I'd be certain it's not the KJV.

Compact Bible for girls who love glitter and sparkle!

Got sparkle? If you're a girl who loves to sparkle and shine, The Glitter Collection Bible is for you. Its compact size lets you take it anywhere---school, church, home, or wherever Features include: Complete text of the bestselling New International Version (NIV) Ribbon marker to help you keep your place, Words of Christ in red

Spare me the details, please!

This one is deceptively called the "Good Girl Bible". But again, it's not a Bible - it's a novel about zombies in Godless Joo York City.


The cover says it all. "Feel the fun". A Bible that leads children into masturbation and the gaysexural lifestyle.



A cucumber and a tomato! Definitely a Bible to teach little ones about fornication.

Of primary importance are the "green words." More than 1,000 verses are printed in green that relate to God's concern for creation. In addition, the Green Bible was produced in an environmentally-friendly format. Features include recycled paper, soy-based ink, and a renewable cotton-linen cover.

Total disregard for God's instructions in Genesis 1:29.

"Is this for real?" Bibles




Training children to be homersexurals, until they're old enough for this Bible:

This is called the "Queen James Bible". Nothing more needs to be said.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

Brother Jim,

This is most useful. I have here the absolutely worst Bible ever. It is a 'scholarly' consensus memo by atheist linguistics and librarians and supposedly some kind of statistical stochastic average of the NT 'manuscripts'. It is actually written by Mr. Nestle and Mr. Aland.



Looks kind of innocent, doesn't it? In fact, it is filled with cryptic symbols that signify that - according to these pagans - all sentences in the NT are suspicious and divergent in the 'manuscripts'. Here's an example in the Grease language.



Look at the footnotes. They offer 'alternative readings' based on 'papyri' to seduce the unsuspicious young youthful mind into accepting liberal and even queer interpretations of the unchanging word of God!



Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Revelation 1:8
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

God - the same. Jesus - the same. The Bible - the same. All else in unacceptable.

As for Mr. Nestle, isn't he involved in the Fluffy Bunny industry?



And Mr. Aland is Prabably an inhabitant of the Aland Isles that God despises? And yet they have produced an 'authoritative' version of the Grease Bible based on which the academic theologists spread their results of the later Pauline Epistles being forgeries, etc., producing more and more collateral damage in the form of emigration into Hell.

Sad times. That being said I'm happy to tell you that I'm in the possession of several of those Godly versions you presented.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

I kind of liked that waterproof bible. If you fall in the river, it will dry right out.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

I always carry that camouflage one when I'm infiltrating homersexurals and lieberals, because they can't see it.

[BeaconofTruth]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPQk3LeSgz0

I don't believe in study Bibles. Pastor Anderson explains why here.

I do admit to occasionally using the "Evidence Bible," a KJV annotated Bible by Ray Comfort, but not for doctrine, only to disprove those EVILutionists and prvoe to the stupid atheists that God exists.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

Brother Jim, my dear husband also finds a pocket camouflage Bible useful. He has just spent a few days on a business trip in Godless France and says that in addition to its usual use, the camouflage KJV also has the benefit of being invisible to the enemy while its thickness serves as a useful bullet-stopper.

My boys have floating waterproof Bibles for their swimming expeditions. It is quite remarkable that they can be annotated and underlined and yet they are stain-resistant. God truly is awesome!

Brother Elmer, what is the point of that foreign abomination? It seems very confusing that the cover is in Italian whereas the inside is in some sort of hieroglyphics.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

...
Brother Elmer, what is the point of that foreign abomination? It seems very confusing that the cover is in Italian whereas the inside is in some sort of hieroglyphics.

Sister,

What is the point of all the distraction and corruption? To confuse, to sow the seeds of doubt and uncertainty, to seduce those with intellectual gifts with codes and false mysteries. To feed Satan new souls ripe to be harvested by the father of lies into Hell!



Whereas in the KJV we have the only True(tm), timeless and stable Word of God that leads us...

1 Peter 1:4
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

Oh, but what do you say about this?

The Sami people, which have childish thoughts they can own the reindeer going free in nature and say "it is illegal to shoot and eat them" have made this.



Maybe those people who still believe in shamans and witches find it kind of funny, to name the book "Odd Testament"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

There are a number of interesting Bibles

If by "interesting" you mean satanic, then I'll agree with you.

There is only ONE True Holy Word of God, and that is the King James 1611 Authorized Version. If you are willing to accept a substitute, then you may as well spit right in Christ's face.

Please read my sermon on the subject, "Seven Easy Ways To Tell The True Bible From the False Ones ," and I mean now.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

Pastor Ezekiel, I did start the post with a picture of the real Bible, but it was an attachment and somehow ended at the bottom of the post underneath that abominable white and rainbow thing. I was unable to move it, so I thought it better to delete it rather than leave it in that ignominious position.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Good Bibles, Bad Bibles

For Bibles, Mr. Mark Johnson has never seen it fit to get anything but a good hard leather Bible that is good for teaching and reprimanding (2 Corinthians 3:16), beating unbelievers quoting the Bible (Matthew 3:2 is his favorite), and lovinly disciplining me while quoting appropriate verses. Anything other than that is vanity, and you know how the Lord despises it (Isaiah 5:18).

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth