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One of my favorite sporting events is about to begin; the Iditarod. Every year, Real Men get together to see which of them can run their sled dogs to death first.
History of the Iditarod
When God created the Earth, He, in His Infinite Foresight, knew that one day there would be a need for dogs with great endurance. Therefore He created the sled dog in China.
Shortly after, Chinese Mongoloids were having sex with the beasts. This continued until roughly 3,000 years ago when someone came up with the idea of attaching the dogs to sleds. This of course corresponds to when White Europeans like Marco Polo discovered China, so it is almost certain that dog sledding was a White innovation.
Fast forward to 1925. God had grown tired of the drunken, incestuous Eskimos of Nome, Alaska, and struck them with diphtheria. But man, foolish then as he is now, thought to spit in God's eye and created a serum to ward against God's Wrath. But the nearest serum was 700 miles away. Using 20 relay sled dog teams, the serum was delivered to Nome in 6 days. The Eskimo were saved and free to drink themselves to death because 20 dog teams each ran about 35 miles.
This is of course absurd.The sled dog was created to run until it dies. These dumb beasts have no other purpose, and running them 35 miles is a waste of time. Hence the Iditarod was born.
Today, instead of sissy 'relays' the modern sledder will harness a team of dogs, then run that single team not a paltry 700 miles, but a glorious 1,100 miles! The driver, called a Musher for some reason, will don his finest polar gear with heated face mask, and enjoy a comfortable 70 degree temperature while the dumb mutts run in -20 degree weather or less. The Musher whips the sluggards when they run too slow. Too stupid to stop, the dogs are only halted when the Musher decides his rump is too numb from sitting to continue.
Save for a disappointing 2010 when not a single dog died during the race, dogs have dropped dead from exhaustion, dehydration, and hypothermia every year in the 40+ year history of the race, each death a beautiful testimony of Man's dominion over animal. I can't wait to see how many of them die this year. Glory!
History of the Iditarod
When God created the Earth, He, in His Infinite Foresight, knew that one day there would be a need for dogs with great endurance. Therefore He created the sled dog in China.
Shortly after, Chinese Mongoloids were having sex with the beasts. This continued until roughly 3,000 years ago when someone came up with the idea of attaching the dogs to sleds. This of course corresponds to when White Europeans like Marco Polo discovered China, so it is almost certain that dog sledding was a White innovation.
Fast forward to 1925. God had grown tired of the drunken, incestuous Eskimos of Nome, Alaska, and struck them with diphtheria. But man, foolish then as he is now, thought to spit in God's eye and created a serum to ward against God's Wrath. But the nearest serum was 700 miles away. Using 20 relay sled dog teams, the serum was delivered to Nome in 6 days. The Eskimo were saved and free to drink themselves to death because 20 dog teams each ran about 35 miles.
This is of course absurd.The sled dog was created to run until it dies. These dumb beasts have no other purpose, and running them 35 miles is a waste of time. Hence the Iditarod was born.
Today, instead of sissy 'relays' the modern sledder will harness a team of dogs, then run that single team not a paltry 700 miles, but a glorious 1,100 miles! The driver, called a Musher for some reason, will don his finest polar gear with heated face mask, and enjoy a comfortable 70 degree temperature while the dumb mutts run in -20 degree weather or less. The Musher whips the sluggards when they run too slow. Too stupid to stop, the dogs are only halted when the Musher decides his rump is too numb from sitting to continue.
Save for a disappointing 2010 when not a single dog died during the race, dogs have dropped dead from exhaustion, dehydration, and hypothermia every year in the 40+ year history of the race, each death a beautiful testimony of Man's dominion over animal. I can't wait to see how many of them die this year. Glory!
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