[gamer4Christ]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Class: Mall Cop
Equipment: this thing:

Jokes on you, it's what I wanted all along. Later I'll pimp it out with fuzzy dice and a neon light on the bottom.

Pegusi tend to rain poop on people's parades. Anyway I already knew they're banned from Sleasepits And Sinners as a non-Biblical monster.

Anyway, for my action I will prepare for the Bill Maher show by casting Detect Contraband.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Anyway, for my action I will prepare for the Bill Maher show by casting Detect Contraband

Arriving at Bill Maher's studio, your Detect Contraband spell goes nuts, warning you about Bill Maher's colossal devilweed stash. "Distracted" effect gained, for as long as you are in the studio.

even Canada doesn't do universal free dental.

This attack is ineffective, because your opponent is equipped with Impossible Campaign Promises. Thanks to the XP it gained in this battle, it levels up to become a +1 Impossible Campaign Promises.

The duperdelegates are impressed by your talk about Canada, it makes you sound cosmopolitan to talk about sh!thole countries that God hates. You gain one superdelegate.

A clickbait hitpiece writer creates an article accusing Basilissa of being a Canadian seal-clubber. Because they have no unflattering photo to upload, the article is never published. From this battle Basilissa has gained enough XP to level up. You can choose a new prayer (you know, like a spell in DnD) and upgrade 2 stats.

........

Saying "dot dot dot dot" all the time makes people think you're a Terret's syndrome weirdo. The fact that you smell of astroglide™ doesn't help.

You suffer a loss of 5 charisma, until you learn to talk like a normal person.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Elizabeth Warren downs 3 bottles of beer and arm wrestles Amy Klobuchar on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Whoopi Goldberg finally moves to Canada.

Obama finally admits that he kept Joe Biden locked in the White House attic while he was president. He escaped once and the Secret Service finally found him in the Ukraine.

Cory Booker dresses up in white face and, while speaking in a nigra jive dialect, apologizes for his white privilege.

New York Times economist Paul Krugman finally points out that Bernie Sanders violated the Marx labor theory of value by making millions of ill gotten gains from his best selling book sales.

Leaked secret log reveals Pete Buttgig aboard Epstien's plane with Prince Andrew.

Kamala Harris found unconscious in Walmart parking lot after MMA fight with Tulsi Gabbard.

Michael Moore denounces Michael Bloomberg after revealing plans to abolish the fast food industry.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!"

Wow, I see someone bought all of the expansion packs!

Due to this being a heavy news day, all players have an ideal time to get any inevitable scandals over with. Newspapers will bury you in section C6, cable news will just mention your name, and then realize they have to cut to commercials.

For the exact gameplay effects, I will count you all as possessing Jeffery Epstein's Stealth Learjet, only minus the part where your scandalousness is redirected at the British Royal family.

There are also 10 new superdelegates up for grabs, at least until the next news cycle, when they will forget all the scandals and go back to the candidates they left, except for one that gets confused and votes for Prince Andrew.