Christers who lik settin stuff on fire...

[Captain_Asshat]

Hey <<<Edit>>> Good Christian Folk,

When ah was a kid ah liked settin stuff on fire. Nothin TOO big ... a few sheds, 3 houses, a school an a water tower. Anyways, kinda got me in trouble wi that Law an stuff. Ma mum was cryin for a whole yeaty about it, an they mad me attend thes classes for young firebug or somethin.

Ah jus wondered if other Christers had this problem?? An also what stuff they lik settin on fire?? I guess books, right?? Lik Harry Potter books and The Quorn an stuff??

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Christers who lik settin stuff on fire...

Hey pecker-hats,

When ah was a kid ah liked settin stuff on fire. Nothin TOO big ... a few sheds, 3 houses, a school an a water tower. Anyways, kinda got me in trouble wi that Law an stuff. Ma mum was cryin for a whole yeaty about it, an they mad me attend thes classes for young firebug or somethin.

Ah jus wondered if other Christers had this problem?? An also what stuff they lik settin on fire?? I guess books, right?? Lik Harry Potter books and The Quorn an stuff??

The only fires worth setting are people's hearts on fire for Jesus!

[Billybob Sunday]

Re: Christers who lik settin stuff on fire...

Well, I guess most of the burning we do are of unwholesome books. There is also a tradition here in the south where lots of folks get together at night in their pajamas and burn giant lower case t's. I'm not sure what that's all about, though.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Christers who lik settin stuff on fire...

Ah jus wondered if other Christers had this problem?? An also what stuff they lik settin on fire?? I guess books, right?? Lik Harry Potter books and The Quorn an stuff??

Son, I think you need to learn that fire is dangerous. We had a young fellow in our congregation here in Indiana -- let's call him Jimmy -- with the same issue. He went around town lighting garages, sheds, cars, and even homes ablaze. He thought the flames were pretty.

So, we taught him how dangerous fire really is.

First thing we did was give Jimmy a nice polyester outfit to wear. Then we gave him a book of matches to play with, and left him alone in Marv Johnson's sprinkler-equipped shed. It was stacked with old newspapers, mattresses, and all sorts of junk.

As one might expect, Jimmy started a little fire in the shed. This, of course, set off the fire sprinklers.

Now, it wouldn't make much of a point to the lad if the sprinklers sprayed water. These sprayed gasoline.

He managed to escape the Hellish inferno he'd created, his polyester outfit blazing and melting to his skin, and leapt into a cattle trough full of water.

Over the screams in the burn ward as they stripped the melted polyester and charred flesh from his body, Jimmy begged Jesus' forgiveness and promised never to light a fire again.

The entire congregation breathed a sigh of relief at Jimmy's funeral, knowing he had come to Jesus in his last moments.

If you like, we could help you in a similar manner.