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  • #46
    Re: Ask a True Christian™ Pastor

    Dear Pastor Ezekiel;

    A little angel whispered in my ear that your birthday is coming up. I'm just a simple, True Christian(tm) girl who has admired you from afar (my parents are Silver Tithers(c) so our pew is in the third balcony). If it isn't too presumptuous, I was wondering if you could give me a hint as to what a fine, nubile Pastor such as yourself might want for a small birthday gift.

    Blushingly Yours,

    Rita-Sue Williamson



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear Rita-Sue;

    Here's a hint.



    YIC,

    --Pastor Ezekiel
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #47
      Re: Ask a True Christian™ Pastor

      I recently got this email from a queer over in godless Ireland. I thought I would repost it here so that you all might get a taste of the unbridled persecution I suffer each and every day.

      The following message was sent to you via the The Landover Baptist Church Forum Contact Us form by i love being gay ( mailto:dannymc********@yahoo.co.uk ).

      --------------------------------

      dear pastor im 13 irish and i love the fact that you will do anything to achieve success through gods path but you shouldnt judge others speak only for yourself

      piffle it you homophobic piffle if i ever get to amaerica your gettin a pifflein bullet in your head the west boro baptist church can piffle its self a piffleing men

      --------------------------------

      Referring Page: index.php
      IP Address: **************
      User Name: i love being gay
      User ID: *******
      Email: dannymc******@yahoo.co.uk
      Death threats. Foul language. Insults. This is how the potato-chomping Irish treat a True Christian(tm) Pastor.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

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