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Fellow members and Pastors. I have been scouring the Bible and Jesus NEVER laughed. I am thinking we should delete this thread?
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Fellow members and Pastors. I have been scouring the Bible and Jesus NEVER laughed. I am thinking we should delete this thread?10Yes0%1No0%9Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: Joke thread
What TOSH Brother Mayfield!!
I have tears running down my legs each and every time I read through Deuteronomy and Leviticus..
There are such absolute Rib-Ticklers as:
Deut 2:34 And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain.
Deut 8:20 As the nations which the LORD destroyeth before your face, so shall ye perish; because ye would not be obedient unto the voice of the LORD your God.
Lev 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.
Bwaahaaaaa
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: Joke thread
Folks need a place to kick back and let off steam.
With the way Nancy Peloskini and Hellary Clinton are running things, we all need a place to laugh...So we don't forget our good Christian manners and tar and feather every demoncrat and queer in Jesusland!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Joke thread
WWJD? He wouldn't laugh while doing it.
Friends, I am becoming concerned that the internet is weakening us. This is serious business not going to Hell. I have an idea. Look for a new thread very soon.Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: Joke thread
I think brother elliot needs to get back on his meds!
Listen brother, just because your sense of humour is lacking doesn't mean the rest of us suffer from the same issues.
Psalm 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision.
I don't know about you, but I'm gonna laugh both on earth AND in heaven!
Don't think God doesn't like a good joke.
Psalm 59:8 But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.
When He confounds people, it makes Him chuckle.
Think about it brother.
YIC
VJudges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.Comment
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Re: Joke thread
Originally posted by Brother V View Post
Not only that, but one of my personal favorites:
I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh.--Proverbs 1:26
God is a laugh riot sometimes. But you wouldn't want to cross him.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Joke thread
I never said God wasn't a riot. I said Jesus never laughed. I am going to save my laughing for the people burning in Hell after Jesus comes back.
I don't want him catching me laughing. I want him to catch me with a Bible in my hands preaching to the commies in the smoke filled bars drinking that pilsner urquell beer.Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: Joke thread
Then dear Brother Mayfield, you should have Polled as to whether we thought JESUS had a Sense of Humor or not.
You may be right about Jesus, but I'm sure you'll agree, we True Christians(tm) are right there with the best when it comes to belly laughs
I still say keep the Thread.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: Joke thread
There is a mention of Jesus laughing, but it's in those satanic Gnostic Gospels. Not in the KJV1611.
WWJD?????????Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: Joke thread
Good point. Our Lord actually invented the practical joke when he psyched Abraham out by telling him he'd have to kill Isaac.Originally posted by Sister Talitha View PostWhat TOSH Brother Mayfield!!
I have tears running down my legs each and every time I read through Deuteronomy and Leviticus...
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
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God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: Joke thread
Jokes are fine for those of us who are strong in Christ, but what about the weaker brother? Could our relaxed demeanor in the Lounge forum offend a weaker brother, cause him to stumble, or further weaken him? I hope and pray not.
Romans 14
Pastor Billy-ReubenUpon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
#ChristianLivesMatter
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Re: Joke thread
Well, God is laughing all over in the OT.
The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.
The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.
Psalm 37:12-13
And as we all know, God doesn't change. (Malachi 3:6 & Hebrews 13:8)
And Jesus IS God. (John 1:1, John 10:30 & 1 John 5:7)
So we can thus know that Jesus is constantly laughing at heathens.
And He wants us to laugh at certain things too:
At destruction and famine thou shalt laugh:
Neither shalt thou be afraid of the beasts of the earth.
Job 5:22
Now that's my kind of humor. Praise God!Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 09-19-2007, 03:06 PM.If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13Comment
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Re: Joke thread
Hey, loosen up, Eliot. Jesus was the standup comedian of that time:Originally posted by eliot mayfield
"Strain out a gnat and swallow a camel."
"The camel going through the eye of a needle."
Turning water into wine
A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)Comment
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Re: Joke thread
I don't think this thread should go, y'all. It is mighty amusing, I showed my Daddy and he thinks so too. I've even copied out some of the jokes to go to my betrothed in Iraq, to make him laugh some more while doing the Lord's work among the Iraqistani heathens!sigpicComment
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Ohhhh Miss Maisie,
At last! So, you received my marriage proposal I sent you from Iraq? How wonderful and from your post implications I must assume you have accepted?
I am truly blessed by Jesus and am simply ecstatic.
Did you receive the roses?
We will be together in Heaven I assure you. I study the Bible and pray every morning at 4AM and now I will have someone by my side to enjoy three hours of Bible Bliss every day!
I just can't contain my excitement...e-mail follows.Professor Ogden
With the Holy Bible as your sole authority, you may, with a clear conscience, go into the world and act in ANY manner that will promulgate the Faith and the Name of Christianity
I am perfectly willing to give my life for my beliefs as well as yours.Comment
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