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Our cleaning girl has become "esta embarazada" whatever that means and will be unable to work for a few months. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you have some good Christian housekeeping advice.
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Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief. -
Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Mother Glynndie, I put up Bibles and statuettes of JESUS to hide stains, spills, and whatnot. Then, even if some Snoopy Sniffer stumbles across the problem I'm trying to hide, what are they going to say when they can plainly see what a GODLY person I am?
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
I'm not sure if I can help you, but I did hold my wife by her feet and use her as a mop when she spilled my dinner once. But it was mainly to send a message; then she cleaned up the rest.Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View PostComment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Fire her and hire someone new. If she is too lazy to do the job you hired her for, she should be sent packing! There are countless young unsaved Mexican'ts and Nigresses more than willing to pull their weight and keep your house immaculate for a few dollars per day.Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View PostPosted via Prayer
1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
If my Spanish is correct your messican cleaning girl has gone and got herself knocked up (pregnant) Mother Glynndie. At one time the cathylicks (messicans are mostly cathylicks) had the highest rates of unwed pregnancy, but were at some point overtaken by the nigras. Sad to say, but at some point you are going to have to inform her that her future little offspring is going to hell (unless she happens to be married).
You may want to embark on making other arrangements to get your house cleaned.Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawnsigpicComment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
I only ever hire male Housekeepers. They never go off having babies and have oh so many other uses around the home.
They even get a nice Uniform to wear.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Gosh Sisters and Brother Deaner, I must tell you about a distressing incident right here at home, just this morning!Originally posted by Deaner View Post
My grandsons, nine-year-old twins Timmy and Kelly, were so moved to rebuke me today for making a bit of a mess in the kitchen, it was a matter of pie-filling spilled on the floor.
Their father Mr Godwin is away in North Carolina tending to his deceased Cousin Hilly's homestead. As it happens that place has been infested with critters for many years, and so Mr Godwin and poor old Hilly's grown boys Billy-Bo and Clifford have gone on a demonbuster mission with some True Christians™ in town to get the house and the barn cleaned up, so to speak. So the boys' daddy won't be back home until well after Helly-ween.
In the meanwhile Godwin's little ones here at home in Sin Fran-sissy-co have been left with explicit instructions to keep their grandmummy noddy in line in the True Christian™ manner of housekeeperly duties!
Well today I was preparing the usual morning pies, and imagine my dismay when the bowl of creme pie filling went clattering to the kitchen floor (splat!) making an UNGODLY mess all over the place!
Whoops! and suddenly there was a pitter-patter of little-boy feet running up behind me, then Timmy grabbed the left ankle and Kelly grabbed the right, and poor grandmummy noddy was swept away!
After a shower and a thorough shampooing, and properly dressing in a clean frock, I came downstairs and called the boys to the parlor for Bible study, where I meekly reminded them that all they have to do is get the mop from the pantry closet and whap me up the backside with it to get me started, because after all the stringmop does a better job on linoleum floors than their grandmummy's hair.
They are thinking this over, in case grandmummy makes a booboo again before Godly Mr Godwin arrives home ...
Praise!
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Are you trying to tell me that your grandkids showered and shampooed you? Because if you are they have GOT to be removed from the Bay Area IMMEDIATELY! They are turning into homers!Originally posted by Sister Noddy View PostGosh Sisters and Brother Deaner, I must tell you about a distressing incident right here at home, just this morning!
My grandsons, nine-year-old twins Timmy and Kelly, were so moved to rebuke me today for making a bit of a mess in the kitchen, it was a matter of pie-filling spilled on the floor.
Their father Mr Godwin is away in North Carolina tending to his deceased Cousin Hilly's homestead. As it happens that place has been infested with critters for many years, and so Mr Godwin and poor old Hilly's grown boys Billy-Bo and Clifford have gone on a demonbuster mission with some True Christians™ in town to get the house and the barn cleaned up, so to speak. So the boys' daddy won't be back home until well after Helly-ween.
In the meanwhile Godwin's little ones here at home in Sin Fran-sissy-co have been left with explicit instructions to keep their grandmummy noddy in line in the True Christian™ manner of housekeeperly duties!
Well today I was preparing the usual morning pies, and imagine my dismay when the bowl of creme pie filling went clattering to the kitchen floor (splat!) making an UNGODLY mess all over the place!
Whoops! and suddenly there was a pitter-patter of little-boy feet running up behind me, then Timmy grabbed the left ankle and Kelly grabbed the right, and poor grandmummy noddy was swept away!
After a shower and a thorough shampooing, and properly dressing in a clean frock, I came downstairs and called the boys to the parlor for Bible study, where I meekly reminded them that all they have to do is get the mop from the pantry closet and whap me up the backside with it to get me started, because after all the stringmop does a better job on linoleum floors than their grandmummy's hair.
They are thinking this over, in case grandmummy makes a booboo again before Godly Mr Godwin arrives home ...
Praise!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Well as a matter of fact, Pastor Al, when the boys saw what they had done, and a limp and disheveled grandmummy noddy on the kitchen floor, they got me by the armpits and dragged me upstairs, and started the tapwater for a good bath! They were about to dump me in when I came to! I shooed them out and quickly locked the bathroom door for privacy!Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Are you trying to tell me that your grandkids showered and shampooed you? Because if you are they have GOT to be removed from the Bay Area IMMEDIATELY! They are turning into homers!
I can't understand where Timmy and Kelly got the idea, since they've been properly taught in the True Christian™ ways at the elite neighborhood Godwin Baptist Grammar School where their father is headmaster. It all boils down to the influence of the heathen scum and homers who have overrun our formerly traditional and right-proper Christian community! My son-in-law will surely have a word with me when he gets back from his trip!
Today Godwin telephoned to inform us that he and his relations are considering putting the Carolina homestead up for sale, so we probably won't be relocating after all. Here in San Fear-sicko this winter while the boys are at school with their daddy, looks like grandmummy noddy will be stepping up the pace all by herself on our neighborhood streetcorners, rebuking sinners for Jesus!
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
What is with the "creme pie" nonsense? That is like inviting NAMBLA to hold its annual convention in your home. What are you thinking woman? REAL PIES DON'T HAVE "CREME"!!Originally posted by Sister Noddy View PostGosh Sisters and Brother Deaner, I must tell you about a distressing incident right here at home, just this morning!
Well today I was preparing the usual morning pies, and imagine my dismay when the bowl of creme pie filling went clattering to the kitchen floor (splat!) making an UNGODLY mess all over the place!
They are thinking this over, in case grandmummy makes a booboo again before Godly Mr Godwin arrives home ...
Praise!
Is it any wonder her grandsons have become little sodomites? What with her feeding them "creme pies" all the livelong day?Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View PostAre you trying to tell me that your grandkids showered and shampooed you? Because if you are they have GOT to be removed from the Bay Area IMMEDIATELY! They are turning into homers!
As for Mother G's problem, I guess you justbuyhire another one.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
That must have been my error, Pastor, so from now on my pies will have GODLY fruit filling instead, you can be sure of that!Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
What is with the "creme pie" nonsense? That is like inviting NAMBLA to hold its annual convention in your home. What are you thinking woman? REAL PIES DON'T HAVE "CREME"!!
Is it any wonder her grandsons have become little sodomites? What with her feeding them "creme pies" all the livelong day?
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
Apple, cherry, or huckleberry are usually best. I baked a peach pie for my husband, Mr. Whitford, once, and I couldn't sit for a day following the thrashing he gave me! When I was finally back on solid foods, you can bet I learned my lesson.Originally posted by Sister Noddy View PostThat must have been my error, Pastor, so from now on my pies will have GODLY fruit filling instead, you can be sure of that!
Posted via Prayer
1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!
Blogging for CHRIST!
Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
All a-Twitter for Salvation!
Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
My Ladies of Landover profile!
Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
My son-in-law Mr Godwin's favorite is cherry! Gosh Sister Mary Maria, I sure do hope the littleOriginally posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Apple, cherry, or huckleberry are usually best. I baked a peach pie for my husband, Mr. Whitford, once, and I couldn't sit for a day following the thrashing he gave me! When I was finally back on solid foods, you can bet I learned my lesson.brats... darlings Tims and Kills don'trat on me... tell their father I experimented with creme fillings! Ooooh boy, I'm in for a sound whooping if he comes home and finds out! (come to think of it, I hope they don't tell Mr Godwin about the floormop incident and bathtub fiasco of this morning, either)
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
You should have come to me first about this issue.Originally posted by Sister Noddy View PostThat must have been my error, Pastor, so from now on my pies will have GODLY fruit filling instead, you can be sure of that!
If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Re: Christian Housekeeping Tips???
In answer to Ma'am Glendora, I'd say hire a new maid. Not one of those hoodoo voodoo women though, like we have here in Louisiana. Why, we recently let go of our maid Hetty because my Daddy caught her sprinkling some heathen witch powder on the stairs and mumbling an incantation.
He sent her packing, of course, and she done try to deny it and say that she was just putting a blessing for us, to keep away evil spirits, but my Daddy wouldn't have none of that, and he showed her the door. Even until the end, she tried to fool us into letting her stay, talking about starving children and the like. Am I glad to have such a serpent removed from our house!sigpicComment
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