Ask an Authentic Wiccan

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

Absolutely .. firm trees

somebody had I heard there was a clockwork tree there this year!

[Witch of Endor]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

There is a nude bush party every Easter in New South Wales. Would that attract wiccans?

Absolutely, Ms. Lizalor. In fact, I would be willing to bet that everybody who attends that event is either a Wiccan, Pagan, or a Heathen. As a Wiccan womyn myself, I can safely say that the only thing Wiccan womyn like more than bristling bushes and firm trees is the prospect of a naked party.

Blessed be, my (presumably) south-of-the-equator friend

Kassandra, Witch of Endor

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

There is a nude bush party every Easter in New South Wales. Would that attract wiccans?

[Witch of Endor]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

Hi, Witch!

How many babies do you eat a day? And why do you eat babies when it is evil?

While I cannot release an actual number to you, I can assure you the number of babies I eat in a day is somewhere between the numbers 0 and 0.

I think if you read the answer to my first question you will also get the answer to your second.

Why do you run around fires naked.

An excellent question Ms. Lisa.

You see, the reason witches run around fires naked is because witches do pretty much everything naked. This can obviously lead to problems with frostbite in colder climates and insect bites in awkward places. So, we run around fires because not only does it keep us warm, it also keeps away mosquitos and other biting insects.

Blessed be, my inquiring friends

Kassandra, Witch of Endor

[Lisa H]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

Why do you run around fires naked.

[Witch of Endor]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

If it's the world's oldest mystery religion, why was it established only 4 years ago?

This is an excellent question Mrs. Dewitt, and one that I am sure will help clear up any misconceptions about Wicca.

You see, Pagans operate on something called Pagan Standard Time, or PST for short. PST does not work like any other time-zone, but instead causes things to happen much later than they are scheduled to. For example, if a Pagan has a reservation at a restaurant for 4 PM sharp, due to the influences of PST the Pagan might show up anywhere between 4:15 PM or several years down the road. The interesting thing about PST is it slows down time in direct proportion to the importance of the event. Now, if we apply the principles of PST to the founding of the Flocculent Lagomorph Coven, we can easily see how it is both the world's oldest mystery religion and was only established four years ago. In short, it existed for eons, but nobody got around to the official founding of it until very recently. I hope this has cleared up some misconceptions.

Blessed be, my differently time-zoned friend

Kassandra, Witch of Endor

[Johannes Kirkeholm]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

Hi, Witch!

How many babies do you eat a day? And why do you eat babies when it is evil?

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Ask an Authentic Wiccan

Bright Blessings, friends. In an effort to improve Christian-Witch relations before your annual Witch-hunt begins, I have been authorized to answer any and all of your questions regarding the world's certifiably oldest mystery religion; that of the Flocculent Lagomorph Coven (est. 2006). I promise to answer all queries both promptly and honestly. Blessed be, my Christian friends Kassandra, Witch of Endor

If it's the world's oldest mystery religion, why was it established only 4 years ago?

Thank you Miss Witch.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

[Witch of Endor]

Bright Blessings, friends. In an effort to improve Christian-Witch relations before your annual Witch-hunt begins, I have been authorized to answer any and all of your questions regarding the world's certifiably oldest mystery religion; that of the Flocculent Lagomorph Coven (est. 2006). I promise to answer all queries both promptly and honestly. Blessed be, my Christian friends Kassandra, Witch of Endor