WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

[Andrew Barrick]

I'm looking into getting yet another Godly SUV (the vehicle, not the church member ) and, in the interest of staying Godly in absolutely every way, what Jesus would drive? Please back up your answers with Scripture. Sinners need not reply because you wouldn't know God if he smited you (which he is likely to do).

Yours in Christ,

Andrew Barrick

[Talitha]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Stupid Boy!

God has no need of a car.
Didn't you know, he's everywhere anyway! Why does he need to drive from A-B?

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Sister Talitha,

With your having that horrible condition of being a woman, I can see why you wouldn't understand. It was a hy-po-thet-ical question. That means, in this case, that if Jesus did need to drive, what would he drive? See?

[Talitha]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Sister Talitha,

With your having that horrible condition of being a woman, I can see why you wouldn't understand. It was a hy-po-thet-ical question. That means, in this case, that if Jesus did need to drive, what would he drive? See?

Oh I see!!
Why didn't you explain it was a pathetic-all question in the first place?
I shall have to go away and think about that one. I usually have more important things to do like Pie making or visiting the Nail Parlor.

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

A very good idea. Stick to things at which you are qualified.

[JennyD]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Mr. Barrick, I believe your question is answered adequately here, in an inspirational video referenced some time ago by Pastor Pistle.

[Talitha]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Mr. Barrick, I believe your question is answered adequately here, in an inspirational video referenced some time ago by Pastor Pistle.

Well PRAISE YOU Sister Jenny. Young Brother Andrew was probably too busy doing the kind of things Boys of his age do instead of researching the finer details.
A good job a LOL (Lady of Landover) was here to take him in hand.

[Duvenoy]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

What Jesus would drive is well documented, but I don't think you want one...

[8]

[lilpentecostalgirl (Quarantined)]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Well if the Lord wanted a vehicle, I think he would go for a Hummer. Personly I have a Dodge Caravan I have to haul around alot of folks sometimes and I am short so when driving I can see the road better.

[Pascal's Gambit]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Dodge Stratus?

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Just to sidetrack a little bit, I think that if Jesus were able to BUILD HIS OWN CAR it would probably be something called an Alfa Omega SUV 'Messiah". This car would have a 15 liter V24 engine, capable of 5000hp, and be able to outrun jet fighters. It would also be capable of flight and would carry nuclear armaments.
It would be completely undetectable by radar, and could withstand a direct hit by any man made weapon or even a meteor strike.
It would also be fitted with a passenger side ejector seat if Jesus got pissed off with some passenger, like Judas or Tom Cruise and he'd never run out of petrol.
When Jesus took it for a fly/drive he'd do KJV bible-drops into the Occupied Heathen lands and be able to deliver loaves and fishes to trapped civilians in airlift rescue operations.
Jesus would never ever get road rage or change lanes without indicating , and he'd never get lost or stuck in traffic jams. He'd never get a flat tyre neither. Jesus would always get green lights.
Jesus' car would have heated vibrating sheepskin seat covers, a pumping stereo and air con that worked, and he'd get it washed and polished for free whenever he wanted.
Jesus would never hit animals on the road, but if he did, he'd stop and make them come back to life again.
If Jesus built a car, he'd always get a parking spot, right near where he wanted to go .
Any girl that sat in Jesus' back seat would instantly conceive without him even having to stop driving, and if Jesus' car ever got impounded , after 3 days it would be released with a full apology and a full tank of gas.
Jesus would be able to drive through toll gates and they'd give him money instead.
Anyone that tried to drag race Jesus would burn alive instantly when they finished.
Jesus WOULD NOT brake for Catholics. Or Mooselimbs.

[Wide-Open]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Just to sidetrack a little bit, I think that if Jesus were able to BUILD HIS OWN CAR it would probably be something called an Alfa Omega SUV 'Messiah".

Thanks for that information Brother Guy. It all sounds plausible.

One little question: would it be an automatic, a manual six-speed, or a robot-assisted automatic? Would He have a driver controlled centre diff, or would it be a programmable ECU assisted one? Would He be able to go sideways for hours on end? Would He ever suffer from Lift Off Oversteer (LOO) ? What would His Time be on Watkins Glenn or Suzuka? Would He ever do Holy Burnouts? Would He care about climate change or would He suffer no CO2 emissions at all?

OK, that's more than one question technically, but I got carried away.


And Joshua said, Hereby ye shall know that the living God is among you, and that he will without fail drive out from before you the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Hivites, and the Perizzites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Jebusites.
Joshua 3:10

[Pastafarian]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

His Noodliness of course favours interesting posts. Pity this isn't one.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Would He care about climate change or would He suffer no CO2 emissions at all?

Neither. What interests me more is the question of what would happen if He crashed head-on into an iron chariot.

[Pastafarian]

Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?

Neither. What interests me more is the question of what would happen if He crashed head-on into an iron chariot.

Prepare to face the wrath of his noodliness >=[!