Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

[SUV]

O'BAMA

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

O'BAMA

Barak ain't Irish.

Besides, the Church in the U.S. won't be observing St. Patrick's feast day this year because:

1. March 17 is Monday of Holy Week (which can't be bumped)
2. We transfer important feasts in this case to the day before Palm Sunday, March 15. As such, the important feast moved is the feast of St. Joseph, a solemnity (As it would usually be March 19, which this year is Wednesday of Holy Week, that gets moved up)
3. Another solemnity going on in March is the Annunciation of the Lord, which would typically be March 25. Because March 25 is Easter Tuesday this year (Tuesday of Easter Week), the day gets bumped back to March 31, which would be Monday of the Second Week of Easter.

So, now you know the deal.

[SUV]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

Uh, well, thank you Fatha (I think) but now what about the Free corned beef 'n cabbage Dinner with the Home-made horseyradish?
I don't celebrate it - I just eat it

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

This is the "holiday" when the priests paint all the altar boys green then go on a "leprechaun hunt". I couldn't stomach it when I was in their cult, but kept quiet about it because they left the girls alone and I believed they had the power to send me to Hell if I did say anything. At least in the convent I didn't have to see the look of terror in the eyes of the painted altar boys as they searched desperately for a safe place to hide. They never did though.
They never did find safety.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

Like flies drawn to cow pies, the papist wasted no time jumping on this one.

For the 100th time, we are not interested in your satanic catlicker ceremonies. You might want to go post over on some deom worshiping forum. Or maybe your usual haunt, NAMBLA.

Please read the article below for the official Landover Baptist (and therefore Jesus') position on St. Patrick's day.

Does America Really Need Another Excuse for Catholics to Get Drunk?

Freehold, Iowa - March will soon be upon us. It is the month that Catholics cause to come in like a lion eating True Christians™, and Baptists rescue and make go out like the Lamb of God. Right at this very moment, the Pope is instructing his new cardinals, all wearing dresses the color of Satan's rump, to open the lower dungeons of the Vatican and let loose their annual storehouse of malignant leprechaun spirits to steal gold from wealthy, blessed Evangelicals and spread green leprosy into the homes and upholstery of True Christians.

As always, Landover Baptist is well prepared for the demonic onslaught this year. "Saint Patrick's Day is like green beer - something the Lord never intended," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "We always get a little taste of Catholic Hell on this 'so-called' holiday, made popular by Irish layabouts, who seem to think it is a badge of honor to come from an island without snakes – even though it is chock-full of potato-boiling drunks. Fortunately, we have learned enough about Catholics in the past year to gird ourselves in the armor of faith and prepare for the invisible onslaught. For example, thanks to the work of several fearless Baptists who worked spiritual reconnaissance as undercover Sisters of Mercy last year, we now know that St. Patrick's Day is referred to by all members of the Catholic cult as 'Green High Mass.' The "High" is a reference to the opium-laced incense they swing around in a big brass ball until the entire congregation is coughing and screaming like Matthew Perry for one more hit of incense. After several incantations by the priest, the leprechauns usually shilly-shally their way out from under the toadstools they use to mark their little green graves at the front of what the Catholics call their "church." Ignorant folks think that leprechauns look like precocious midgets with a little clay opium pipe, but I've seen scores of them and I'm here to tell you that they all look like hamsters in a cheap suit."

So as not to be surprised by renegade leprechauns, Landover security officers, painted green, crouch low, in wait for the leprechauns. "They usually try to get in by the east gate," says Sgt. Richardson. "We go through the same thing each year, and we are prepared with enough ammunition to blow an army of those little green demons straight back to Hell!" Following a 100-year-old tradition, 2,000 Landover Security Officers start firing into the trees at midnight on Saint Patrick's Day. The ammunition runs out about six hours later, and on good faith, the officers leave the scene, knowing in their hearts that the forest floor is littered with piles of dead leprechauns. "If it weren't for them crafty Catholics believing in reincarnation, that would be the end of it," laments Pastor Wilkins. "But those little green demons just take on a new form." Church officials remark that all of the trees in Freehold, Iowa sprout green leaves about a month after each slaughter. Creation Scientists at Landover Baptist University for the Saved say that the green in the leaves occurs when green leprechaun blood mixes with tree sap and is pumped by each of the tree's hearts into the leaves. "Those leaves are just like those sneaky leprechauns," says Pastor Wilkins. "They look green and innocent for a while, but the Lord finally strips them of their disguise. By the time October rolls around, those leprechaun leaves are bright red, the color of Satan, just before the Lord finally kills them and causes them to symbolically "fall" just as that miserable, lying harlot Eve caused us all to do 6,000 years ago."

Pastor Deacon Fred explains that leprechaun blood not only causes trees to sprout green leaves each Spring, it also is the source of an ancient Irish disease called, "leprosy." Pastor says: "Any numbskull can see that is why they are called 'leprechauns.' All you have to do is look at those critters. Most of them are missing green fingers and toes. It's hard to tell, cause they are so darned small, but take my word as a Christian - a hobo's bank account has more digits." It is common knowledge among Bible-Believing Baptists that St. Patrick, the first Jesuit pederast, was high on liquor when he made a hellish pact with Satan's cousin, the king of the leprechauns. In that pact, it was decided that only a Jesuit priest who had given his soul utterly and completely to Satan could command the visibility of leprechauns.

True Christian™ scholars note that recently, with funding from the Catholic Church, Hollywood has made several leprechaun movies in an attempt to desensitize people to the dangers of leprosy. In all of the films, they used the same photogenic leprechaun who was actually a Jesuit priest's housebroken pet. True Christian insiders tell us that during the first Hollywood Leprechaun film, nearly eight actors contracted virulent cases of leprosy as a result of having to share a make-up trailer with one of the ghastly little beasts. We also learned that the creature was not as "tame" as the Jesuit priest implied. Each day, after consuming a drink called "Black and Tan," which uses a beer made of human excrement called "Guinness Stout," the leprechaun would spiral into foul frenzy. "That little green critter attacked a cameraman's testicles and gnawed off a child's arm to the shoulder," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Children wouldn't be so eager to sit down to a bowl of Lucky Charms, if they knew how many little tykes before them have looked down to see their leprosy-riddled hand drop off their little wrist and plop into a puddle of soggy cereal – still holding a spoon – while a little leprechaun on the cereal box laughed without shame."

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

I suggest you do some reading on St. Patrick...Ya know, brought the faith to Ireland, used the shamrock to explain the Trinity, drove the snakes out...know the man before you judge his feastday!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

I suggest you do some reading on St. Patrick...Ya know, brought the faith to Ireland, used the shamrock to explain the Trinity, drove the snakes out...know the man before you judge his feastday!

So, the papist spews lies again.

You promised to leave.

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

So, the papist spews lies again.

You promised to leave.

My brother posted this just before his departure.

Nonetheless, I'll still enjoy my Irish stew and Guinness on the 17th!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

My brother posted this just before his departure.

Nonetheless, I'll still enjoy my Irish stew and Guinness on the 17th!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Irish stew.
Irish stew who?
Irish stew in the name of the law! GOD'S law! Turn or burn, sinful papist trash!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Irish stew.
Irish stew who?
Irish stew in the name of the law! GOD'S law! Turn or burn, sinful papist trash!

good one sister M&M!!

[The Absurdist]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

My brother posted this just before his departure.

Nonetheless, I'll still enjoy my Irish stew and Guinness on the 17th!

[ForGodsSake]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

Yep just another excuse for drinking lots of beer and getting drunk, then thinking its OK to share with the rest of the world its stupid reason, i mean little green leprechauns Hmmmm.....

[SUV]

Re: Why no True Christian™ should celebrate St. Patrick's Day

used the shamrock to explain the Trinity

Perhaps this is why it is the 4-leaf clover that is considered lucky!!!

Yes, good one, Sister M&M. (I Hope I didn't re-awaken too many Painful memories in addressing you as "Sister") Yes, that is exactly what one of those drunken shilelagh-boppers would sound like! Slurring, drooling all over Innocent Christian Ladies.....

By the way, are they having another of those sinful parades this year and what time does it start? JESUS Compels me to Witness