[Hitoshi]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

how am I get invite to satanic orgy?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

That reminds me, now I need to find good Christian music to listen to...

Here you go, friend.

[revrggreen]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

I have a question for you Brother.
Can you confirm for us that mary worshipers are directly in league with your ex-master satan, and that the roman pope is his willing thrall, carrying out his diabolical plans all over the world in an attempt to crush True Christianity™?

What I would like to know is how these Organizations work together. Who is pulling the strings? The Pope or Mr Manson? Or are my theories about Steven Hawking being the leader of this war against God founded?

Also, Is the Church of Satan at the head of the Catholic Church, or the other way around? And what about these rumors we keep hearing about plans to build a massive robot army somewhere in the desert, programmed by Goths and Satanists, to attack Churches and kill Christians?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

I have a question for you Brother.

Can you confirm for us that mary worshipers are directly in league with your ex-master satan, and that the roman pope is his willing thrall, carrying out his diabolical plans all over the world in an attempt to crush True Christianity™?

[revrggreen]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

When you were a Satanist, how many times were you sodomized by Marilyn Manson? Also, were an animals involved. If so, which kind? Cats? Dogs? Cows? Goats?

[Seeker]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Well that's not too bad, the only people I've ever known to eat there are those that should have been turned into soylent green decades ago. Though I will admit that the food isn't bad.

Heh, are you trying to say that the food is not worthy for even a satanist?

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Well they all just took over at Country Kitchen.

Well that's not too bad, the only people I've ever known to eat there are those that should have been turned into soylent green decades ago. Though I will admit that the food isn't bad.

[Seeker]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Not as a rule of thumb but like you said when the munchies roll around...well, you know the rest.

Yes and I forgot to tip.

Good on them!

Every time I went there I had a homer/goth/whore as a waiter/waitress.

After midnight, nothing good eats at Denny's

Well they all just took over at Country Kitchen.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Satanist eat at Denny's?

Not as a rule of thumb but like you said when the munchies roll around...well, you know the rest.

Guess that is why they shut them down here.

Good on them!

Every time I went there I had a homer/goth/whore as a waiter/waitress.

After midnight, nothing good eats at Denny's

[Seeker]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

See, we were sitting at a table in a Denny's one night after one of our "gatherings" and he turned to me looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Get your damn elbows off the table." Scared the hell out of me.

Satanist eat at Denny's? Why they don't even serve booz there. But I guess it could be good greasy eating after a night of dope.

Guess that is why they shut them down here.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Did you meet any strange or memorable individuals while you were a Satanist?

All satanists are strange and Goths are far to common to be memorable. Really, there's nobody from being a satanist that I want to remember.

But let me think....well, there was this one crack dealer that we cursed for passing out bad junk....he was a pretty cool guy. That is, until all his hair fell out and he died in a gutter naked and bald.

Oh, that actually reminds me of somebody else I met (though if I tell you why that reminds me, some very bad people might come looking for me). There was one fellow I met, he was one grizzly old bastard. He had this really gross stringy white hair and looked like he was old enough to have had a first hand account of the Salem witch trials (probably did too). Didn't say much, but he did speak to me once and what he said sort of stuck with me.

See, we were sitting at a table in a Denny's one night after one of our "gatherings" and he turned to me looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Get your damn elbows off the table." Scared the hell out of me.

[Scheherazade]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Did you meet any strange or memorable individuals while you were a Satanist?

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

1.) Since you've given up Satanism have you regained a normal gag reflex or can you still stick a whole sausage down your throat wthout the compulsion to vomit?

It's not so much that you lose the normal gag reflex as it is that you learn how to control it.

2.) Has your dirty exit healed up and shrunk back to a normal size or it is permanently stretched out? Are you still required to wear a diaper due to the fact that your bowels could fall out of your behind without notice?

With some amount of exercise you can get the muscles to tighten back up...it does take time though.

3.) It is true that male seed can cause blindness if it gets in a Satanist's eyes? If so, is it temporary or permanent?

It can cause blindness until you wash it out.

4.) Also, does it discolorate your skin giving you pale blotches of skin shaped like splash marks?

Not if you're white.

5.) Do you the fact that Satanism defecate on one another and the unsanitary circumstances of such actions; Are there any new exotic diseases that Jesus has stricten only Satanist with that will be released to the general unsaved population in the next couple of years?

They do in fact defecate on each other (disgusting, I know). E-coli tends to be a problem among some satanists, there's also a severe pink eye epidemic but I personally have not heard of anything too exotic. With the satanists though, I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

6.) When you summon a demon and it inevitably sodomizes you does it have a barbed tallywhacker like Satan or just an incredibly oversized tallywhacker like that of the blackest negroidial of the blackest jungles of Africa?

It's not barbed but it's really cold and it is incredibly oversized *shudder*.

[Joshua Brooks]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

1.) Since you've given up Satanism have you regained a normal gag reflex or can you still stick a whole sausage down your throat wthout the compulsion to vomit?

2.) Has your dirty exit healed up and shrunk back to a normal size or it is permanently stretched out? Are you still required to wear a diaper due to the fact that your bowels could fall out of your behind without notice?

3.) It is true that male seed can cause blindness if it gets in a Satanist's eyes? If so, is it temporary or permanent?

4.) Also, does it discolorate your skin giving you pale blotches of skin shaped like splash marks?

5.) Do you the fact that Satanism defecate on one another and the unsanitary circumstances of such actions; Are there any new exotic diseases that Jesus has stricten only Satanist with that will be released to the general unsaved population in the next couple of years?

6.) When you summon a demon and it inevitably sodomizes you does it have a barbed tallywhacker like Satan or just an incredibly oversized tallywhacker like that of the blackest negroidial of the blackest jungles of Africa?

Thank you for taking the time to answer such inquiries.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ask an Ex-satanist

Son, when Manson tours we are well aware that he is passing out Church of Satan orders to each Goth Tribe in each State he visits. We know well how this operation works, as we already have had infiltrators and spies at every level in their evil organization. Make no mistakes, we are at war here, and we will use every tool at our disposal to bring these Satanic monsters down.

But thank you for admitting that Goths are the foot-soldiers for the Church of Satan. It shows us you are genuine in your repentance, and that you are being truthful with us.

Thank you for your honesty, your trust in us will not be forgotten.

Rev RG Green

I live to serve Christ, Reverend.

I apologize for the confusion that may have been caused but I think I can explain.

I did not mean to suggest Marilyn Manson is not driving Goths to do horrible things in the name of satan. What I meant is that there are no actual game plans showing maps of where each attack against Jesus should take place or how to go about doing it.

That would be too easy to trace.

Instead, he fills them with more subtle satanic influences and lets that carry them to do unspeakable things. Much in the same way that a Christian filled with the power of Jesus will know how to behave in a Godly manner.

Though this is not to say that he hasn't change how he does things in more recent days...