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What sort of troubles or outrageous customers can you remember from your place of employment? Have any interesting stories to share? I can think of one in particular.
I was hired onto the TSA within the last few months. I’m very fortunate that they did not count those false sexual harassment allegations from my previous place of employment against me. There was no proof of it, just the usual women making things up, you know how they are. My brother was in charge of hiring, and he of course remained completely impartial in his decision.
Anyway, I had just been briefed about the requirements, so I was eager to put 100% into my job. Some of the people there were saying I was too aggressive with the searches, especially towards particularly well-endowed women, but this is completely untrue! Is it an oversized breast, or a regularly sized breast with a hidden compartment used to store rocket launchers, grenades, and other various explosives!? There is simply no way of knowing until a full and thorough pat down (or body scanner) is used.
Previously, our government has been more involved with reacting. A Nigerian underwear bomber comes on board, and only after that do we start doing full body scans. Well here in my department we are staying one step ahead of the terrorists and anticipating the sort of devious tactics they will take before they take them.
Now, obviously Muslim terrorists are subjected to stricter searches since they're the whole reason this program had to be implemented in the first place. Though the real problem came when this absurd, backwards Islamofascist terrorist refused to be subjected to a strip search, saying it violated her religion! The nerve! Do you know what violates my religion? Standing back and approving someone as “safe” when they are an Islamofascist terrorist planning to bomb us and kill our citizens. There’s no point in doing any of this searching if we are not going to be thorough. Why would she hate safety that much? What could she possible have to hide? That’s when it hit me, she and her husband must be terrorists! That is when I knew I had to act fast. So I reached over and started the pat down without asking her (by entering an airport you consent to a pat down), and then she starting making a ruckus and yelling and disturbing the other passengers! That is when the Islomofacist’s husband revealed his true colors by attacking me! They were a terrorist group in the making the whole time, and thankfully my pat down revealed their true nature. The security was ready and waiting with a taser, luckily managing to stun the husband first, and then the wife before any serious damage was done. After they were both unconscious, I made sure to complete my search.
I completed searched the girl, and made sure to investigate every nook and cranny for terrorist weaponry. The husband was also subject to an investigation, though really other than his giant beard (which we shaved off, just to be certain) I'm not sure where he could have been hiding anything. The wife on the other hand could have been concealing anything in that burqa. It looks like the girl was somehow able to dispose of their weapons prior to being tased. Perhaps she managed to eat them somehow, there’s no way to tell what is going on under that terrorist mask. Perhaps they were so stupid they thought they could take over the plain just by using the bear hands and fist fighting. I mean, they are stupid enough to believe in some moon Allah, so I guess anything is possible.
Again, being completely impartial, my brother saw the danger of the situation and commended me for taking the steps necessary to apprehend terror. It is a tough job to put my life on the line every day in the face of such savages, but I’d gladly do it again to keep our great nation safe.
Though what about the rest of you? I would imagine I’m not the only one who has had unsaved trash invade their place of work and cause all sorts of trouble.
I was hired onto the TSA within the last few months. I’m very fortunate that they did not count those false sexual harassment allegations from my previous place of employment against me. There was no proof of it, just the usual women making things up, you know how they are. My brother was in charge of hiring, and he of course remained completely impartial in his decision.
Anyway, I had just been briefed about the requirements, so I was eager to put 100% into my job. Some of the people there were saying I was too aggressive with the searches, especially towards particularly well-endowed women, but this is completely untrue! Is it an oversized breast, or a regularly sized breast with a hidden compartment used to store rocket launchers, grenades, and other various explosives!? There is simply no way of knowing until a full and thorough pat down (or body scanner) is used.
Previously, our government has been more involved with reacting. A Nigerian underwear bomber comes on board, and only after that do we start doing full body scans. Well here in my department we are staying one step ahead of the terrorists and anticipating the sort of devious tactics they will take before they take them.
Now, obviously Muslim terrorists are subjected to stricter searches since they're the whole reason this program had to be implemented in the first place. Though the real problem came when this absurd, backwards Islamofascist terrorist refused to be subjected to a strip search, saying it violated her religion! The nerve! Do you know what violates my religion? Standing back and approving someone as “safe” when they are an Islamofascist terrorist planning to bomb us and kill our citizens. There’s no point in doing any of this searching if we are not going to be thorough. Why would she hate safety that much? What could she possible have to hide? That’s when it hit me, she and her husband must be terrorists! That is when I knew I had to act fast. So I reached over and started the pat down without asking her (by entering an airport you consent to a pat down), and then she starting making a ruckus and yelling and disturbing the other passengers! That is when the Islomofacist’s husband revealed his true colors by attacking me! They were a terrorist group in the making the whole time, and thankfully my pat down revealed their true nature. The security was ready and waiting with a taser, luckily managing to stun the husband first, and then the wife before any serious damage was done. After they were both unconscious, I made sure to complete my search.
I completed searched the girl, and made sure to investigate every nook and cranny for terrorist weaponry. The husband was also subject to an investigation, though really other than his giant beard (which we shaved off, just to be certain) I'm not sure where he could have been hiding anything. The wife on the other hand could have been concealing anything in that burqa. It looks like the girl was somehow able to dispose of their weapons prior to being tased. Perhaps she managed to eat them somehow, there’s no way to tell what is going on under that terrorist mask. Perhaps they were so stupid they thought they could take over the plain just by using the bear hands and fist fighting. I mean, they are stupid enough to believe in some moon Allah, so I guess anything is possible.
Again, being completely impartial, my brother saw the danger of the situation and commended me for taking the steps necessary to apprehend terror. It is a tough job to put my life on the line every day in the face of such savages, but I’d gladly do it again to keep our great nation safe.
Though what about the rest of you? I would imagine I’m not the only one who has had unsaved trash invade their place of work and cause all sorts of trouble.