Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

[Mistress Cookie]

Maybe the Pastors devoted a sermon to this one Sunday, but I'm not sure how to get books I throw in my fireplace really going.

It never looks like they do in the movies!



Often they just put out the kindling, being flat and solid. But then when I open them in a "teepee" shape, they just funnel smoke into the room. It is SO annoying!

Also, I'm thinking of developing a cookbook called The Book Burner's Grilling Guide, where the recipes say things like, "Cook for 3 paperbacks, about 300 pages each", etc. But if I can't include a consistent method as to how to light them and keep em' going, the instructions will be all off.

HELP!

[Nobar King]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

You probably don't have enough air flow and your fire isn't hot enough. You're going to need an old style bellows or some other type of fan to get enough oxygen to burn the books.

Another thing to consider is dipping them in paraffin so that they have some fuel to help them burn like a duraflame log.

[Des]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

A good question, Sister. Open the book, pull the front and back covers together, and using a staple gun, attach the covers to each other. Then stand the book on edge, douse it with your favorite combustible fluid, and apply a match.

To burn multiple books at once, simply toss them on a bonfire. The mound of burning wood supplies the extra heat that a couple of logs in the fireplace can't.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Whatever you do, don't have that local half-wit boy what's his name(Jimmy-Roy's oldest) come over to do your book burning. You remember when the Widow Johnson's house burned to the ground? She hired that imbecile to come over and burn her books, and he doused them with gasoline, right in her fireplace.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Diesel, diesel and more diesel!! Why, with enough diesel, you can even get human* flesh to burn to a cinder!...or so I've been told.

*if you can classify those filthy whores-of-satan as 'human'. They were evil incarnate, I tell you! All of them!!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Brother Nobar is right about the air-flow. What with double- and triple-glazing, there simply aren't the drafts to get a proper blaze going.

Our solution is to store them up until November 5th, when it's traditional here to build an enormous bonfire and burn a cathlick (though only in effigy these PC days ). Our Pastor came up with the wonderful idea of what he calls the Bradbury Bake - I don't remember the reason for the name, something to do with potatoes wrapped in foil cooking best at 451°.

He invites all the local cathlicks to bring their children for an evening of ecumenical fun - "Subtil like Jonadab", he says. And barring a few accidents (those UnSaved kids are a bit slow pulling the potatoes out of the fire), a great time is had by all. So many of them have now been Saved that the local papist church is being demolished to make way for a supermarket. Praise Jesus!

Also, I'm thinking of developing a cookbook called The Book Burner's Grilling Guide, where the recipes say things like, "Cook for 3 paperbacks, about 300 pages each", etc.

Let me know if you want the potato recipe.

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Hello Mistress Cookie.

I saw your post yesterday but I could not remember the Bible verse that said there were too many books because I do not have it marked with a Post-It Note but I was reading the Bible this morning and I found it look at Ecclesiastes 12:12 it says:

And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.

The verse right before that says The words of the wise are as goads and I did not know what a goad was so I looked it up it is a stick to poke an animal to get it moving I thought it was a misspelling.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Any book printed before the early 1800's will be very tough to burn, it is printed on vellum or woven cloth, Something like the consistency of USA $20 bills. Actually any of the bills.
It takes much more heat to get them to really burn . Might I suggest placing the books in a bucket of diesel and let them soak for 2 or 3 days before the burning then once you got a fire going just reach into your bucket and toss one on. This is especially good for a public burning as you can place books where you need them to insure a good fire everywhere on the pyre.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Diesel? DIESEL?



Good grief, I pray you people are long-haul truckers and not Jetta drivers.



YiC,

Zech

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Diesel? DIESEL?



Good grief, I pray you people are long-haul truckers and not Jetta drivers.



YiC,

Zech

Brother Zech you forgot the most important vehicle To some of us..... The Tractor. I would never get my lawn mowed without my John Deere. Jetta, yeah right.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Best way to BURN BOOKS (?)

Another thing to consider is dipping them in paraffin so that they have some fuel to help them burn like a duraflame log.

Uh, regarding that....now one of my eyebrows is gone.



I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.