Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

[MissAnnie]

Hello All,

I have come to suspect that my brother has turned into a homer and I think i know when it happened.

I am a 23 year old young Lady and am not married. If i have to leave the house for some reason, my father or brother escort me to make sure I do not flaunt myself like a common tramp.

Just before Christmas, I made a batch of brownies for Mrs. Green, a very christian woman who was widowed a few months back. She is in her 80's, and us in the chrsitian community take our turns in helping her out.

Well, my brother decided to escort me down the street and as we were walking, we saw two men holding hands coming towards us. It was a very devastating sight for my delicate eyes. My brother tried to take me and cross the street, but the traffic wouldn't let us. Fearing the worse about the coming perverse sinful situation, my brother sacrificied himself by shielding me behind him so that i would not see the sinners in close range.

As they walked by, i could not help but hear one say to my brother, "How's it hanging Sweetcheeks?". I started to cry because it was the most horrid thing. My brother grabbed my wrist and we ran all the way to Mrs. Green's house.

Well, last week, I noticed my brother has been clipping out pictures of Scantily clad men from magazines I have never seen in our house. He must have snuck them in because my Father does not allow such magazines into his household. Not only that, but as i was helping my mother with the men folks laundry, I found a pink t-shirt in his laundry basket.

I think the homers spread their sinful diseases to my brother through the air when they spoke to them. Is there anything I can do to help him? Please Help!

Miss Annie

[Nobar King]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

If you find another pink shirt, smack him and tell him not to mix the white laundry with the red. There's nothing worse than having to throw out a whole load of laundry because some idiot put a red towel in there.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Well, last week, I noticed my brother has been clipping out pictures of Scantily clad men from magazines I have never seen in our house. He must have snuck them in because my Father does not allow such magazines into his household. Not only that, but as i was helping my mother with the men folks laundry, I found a pink t-shirt in his laundry basket.

Don't worry just yet, Miss Annie. Maybe the homers thought he was someone else, or maybe they were talking to you. Homers are very strange!

Give your brother the benefit of the doubt. He might simply be plotting a mass extinction event at a homer convention near you and is getting his disguise in order. He might be picking targets out of the magazines. Wait and see, but let us know if anything else like that happens! We want to stop this before it spreads out of the Bay Area!

[MissAnnie]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Thank you Brother Nobar for the sound advice about the pink shirt. I am hoping that is all it is, that it was accidentally dyed.

That still does not calm my fears about the pictures of scantily clad men he has been clipping out.

Miss Annie

[Billy Ram]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

I don't believe that is how people become Homers.Clearly your brother has been involved in idol worship,that's how you become a Homer according to Romans.It's to late for your brother proceed to shunning him.

[Bob4God]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Oh my, you poor dear! This is indeed a tragic and urgent situation!

The thing to do is tell your father about this immediately. You might also try to get a group of respected older men from your church together to confront your brother and beat the devil out of him until he confesses to being a damned sodomite!

Then you can lay hands on him and pray for CHRIST to forgive him for giving into his lustful temptations.

Tell us a little more about your brother. How old is he? Do you suspect him of having a disgusting boyfriend? Does he strip topless and work out to build his gay muscles? The more we know, the more effectively we can pray for his perverted lifestyle to be cured!

[MissAnnie]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Don't worry just yet, Miss Annie. Maybe the homers thought he was someone else, or maybe they were talking to you. Homers are very strange!

Give your brother the benefit of the doubt. He might simply be plotting a mass extinction event at a homer convention near you and is getting his disguise in order. He might be picking targets out of the magazines. Wait and see, but let us know if anything else like that happens! We want to stop this before it spreads out of the Bay Area!

Thank you Pastor Al E Pistle! I will keep a watch on his behavior, but if he is preparing a plot for the filthy sinner's extinction, I will be sure not to stop him from doing the Lord's work.

Thank you ever so much, I feel a lot better now.

Miss Annie

[Bob4God]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

It is of course possible that the young man is planning to purge the Earth of a herd of queers, but somethings just don't add up about what we know.

Why would the boy not have invited a GODly bunch of friends, not to mention his own father, to help plan this wholesome event?

Miss Annie, does your family own any firearms? Have you seen your brother polishing his rifle lately? If he is planning a GODly crusade you would see signs of him gearing up for combat.

[MissAnnie]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

It is of course possible that the young man is planning to purge the Earth of a herd of queers, but somethings just don't add up about what we know.

Why would the boy not have invited a GODly bunch of friends, not to mention his own father, to help plan this wholesome event?

Miss Annie, does your family own any firearms? Have you seen your brother polishing his rifle lately? If he is planning a GODly crusade you would see signs of him gearing up for combat.

Yes Sir, my father has a wide array of fire arms. He keeps them in a room that is for the menfolk only, we women are not allowed to touch the guns in case our inferiority deems them useless. I have seen my brother go in and out of that room a lot more than usual lately. He is 19 years of age, Sir, and as far as I know, does not own any weight sets.

Miss Annie

[Billy Ram]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

All this talk of Homers

[Bob4God]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Well this is a difficult situation then.

You might ask your brother if he has been craving Skittles lately. If he answers yes, and calls them fabulous, you've got a serious problem on your hands.

The best thing to do is contact your pastor and share your concerns. A good True Christian (assuming you're not attending some kind of wacky non-Baptist church) always knows how to handle sexuality!

[MissAnnie]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Thank you Sir. I will ask him the question you provided and pray that he gives me a true christian answer.

And Yes, we do attend the true christian Baptist church in our town. I will go to our Pastor and share my concerns. You all have been a great help, god bless.

Miss Annie

[MissAnnie]

Re: Help! I think Homers got my Brother!

Hello again,

I thought I would make a quick update. I asked my brother if he has been having a craving for skittles lately. He kind of looked at me with this dreamy look in his eyes and told me that he always "loved" skittles, especially the lemon flavoured ones. He then proceeded to go to the shoe store to get a new pair of loafers. He said his current ones were getting too raggy and were no longer light on his feet. That was a few hours ago. Do you think that the Shoes are part of his disguise?

I don't have the knowledge to work this all out on my own, I leave the superior thinking for the men folk. My brother was supposed to return an hour ago so that I could go see the Pastor, Brother was to escort me to the church, so since I can't see the Pastor tonight, is there anyone who can help me work out the problem and find a solution?

Thank you,

Miss Annie