Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

One of the greatest dangers facing our children today is a sin that the liberal media establishment has managed to force every false "Christian" and false conservative to keep quiet about thanks to political correctness run amuck. However, we at Landover Baptist Church don't bow to such pressures that attempt to keep us from speaking the TRUTH!
Only we have the bravery given us by Jesus to speak up and let the world know RETARDEDS ARE BORN OF SIN!

Mark 9:17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit;
9:18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.
9:19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.
9:20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

There is a culture war under way right now, and one of the battles the forces of Satan have been waging and winning has been in their attempts to recruit America's children into the retarded lifestyle. Until now.
My husband, Mr. Whitford, has seen this danger has been moved by the Holy Spirit to act, to show the world that it is indeed possible to cure those who have been lured into the retarded lifestyle. He has been moved to put funds toward establishing a new program to help those who want to let Jesus help them become normal, good Christian citizens.
On behalf of my husband, Mr. Whitford, it is my great honor to announce TARDS™. Turning Around Retarded Dummies Sin™.
For only $999.95 a month until the retarded is cured, those caught up in the retarded lifestyle can be led out of the stupid wilderness and into Christ's Loving Arms! PRAISE!

The facility
The TARDS™ facility houses up to 700 retardeds
Each retarded will enjoy full privacy as every ward contains only 20 bunks
They will enjoy 1-2 fully cooked meals a day in the spacious mess hall
15 foot high electrified barb wire fences and 24 hour armed guards to keep liberals from trying to sneak in and undo all the hard work
Two orderlies per ward, 24 hours a day, to ensure every retarded is able to maintain the discipline they need
Two isolation wards for the particularly unruly

While treatments will be customized for each retarded, the following will be a typical day...
8am: Reveille
8am - 9am: Prayer
9am - 10am: A sermon from the staff morning pastor
10am - 11am: Electro-shock
11am - Noon: Prayer
Noon - 12:15pm: Break time
12:15pm - 2pm: Prayer
2pm - 3pm: A sermon from the staff afternoon pastor
3pm - 3:30pm: Medical inspection by a staff faith healer and/or creation scientist doctor, includes laying of hands
3:30pm - 3:45pm: Exercise yard
3:45pm - 5pm: Prayer
5pm - 5:15pm: Break time
5:15pm - 7pm: A sermon from the staff evening pastor
7pm - 9pm: Prayer
9pm: Bed time

If you or someone you know has any knowledge of a retarded and would like a brochure, please send an SASE and $10 (check or money order only) to...

TARDS™
Suite 106, 1011 King James Avenue
Freehold, IA 50312

All things are possible through Jesus! Hallelujah!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Just a reminder for your nightly prayers to please remember TARDS(tm).

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Well praise Jesus and good luck with this ministry Mrs. Whitford. I'm sure that your husband will be up to the task.

I foresee your biggest problem being the harassment you're bound to receive from the "special olympics" nazis. Their mouths will be watering over a batch of 700 drooling mongoloids just waiting to be used by the liberals as "victims."

Be strong, sister. Your husband remains in my prayers.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Sister, I did not see an activity period where they can make wallets for drunken indians to sell.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Such a kind Christian soul you are, Sister M&M. Fortunately no one in my family has been accursed with the horrible retardation, but I do have a certain television viewer who has written to me complaining about her spastic son. He has to wear a helmet when he goes out and hurts himself by intentionally trying to set himself on fire constantly. I will forward to her your PO Box so she may contact you.

May Jesus bless you for your kind heart.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Sister, I did not see an activity period where they can make wallets for drunken indians to sell.

The long term plan includes opening a factory next to the facility to help the patients make the transition to functioning citizens.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

The long term plan includes opening a factory next to the facility to help the patients make the transition to functioning citizens.

Excellent

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Speaking of which... Brother Monty, expect a call from Mr. Whitford tomorrow.

[HTannor]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Count me in for one of those wallets.

But, please, I'd rather deal directly with the factory than having to buy from some drunken "native" American.

[Loquacious Jefferson]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Sho-nuff, dem retards can be useful. A brotha I know have a car wash, and he lock a retarded kid in da car while he wash it. By da time he gots da outside washed dat little retard done lick da windows clean! Yeah, he gotta clean up some drool an stuff, but he get da dirt off real good.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Sister, while I think it is just great that you and the Godly Mr. Whitford have decided to do what you can for these lost souls, I do hope you have had all of your staff vaccinated! You don't want any normals catching the retardation off of those head-bobbers!

And I'd make sure to install several hand sanitizing stations too, in various places around the property. The retards of course are far too stupid to understand hygiene, but some of the staff may inadvertently touch a client occasionally. If he went home without washing his hands, he could start a full scale retardation epidemic here in Freehold!

[Wally's World]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Am I reading this correctly? I mean, do you people realize this sounds like a concetration camp? What kind of "loving Christian care" can possibly go on here?

Only we have the bravery given us by Jesus to speak up and let the world know RETARDEDS ARE BORN OF SIN!

Mark 9:17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit;
9:18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.
9:19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.
9:20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

No, you are wrong. The son is not retarded but suffering demonic possession. He had a "dumb spirit", the spirit later went away and he was fine. If you ever seen the Exorcist, you would know that demons display behaviors such as this.

There is a culture war under way right now, and one of the battles the forces of Satan have been waging and winning has been in their attempts to recruit America's children into the retarded lifestyle. Until now.

Retarded lifestyle? Are you saying it's a choice to become retarded? Do you also think people choose to be black or white? Did you choose to be a woman? Did you choose to be born on a certain day?

The facility
The TARDS™ facility houses up to 700 retardeds
Each retarded will enjoy full privacy as every ward contains only 20 bunks
They will enjoy 1-2 fully cooked meals a day in the spacious mess hall
15 foot high electrified barb wire fences and 24 hour armed guards to keep liberals from trying to sneak in and undo all the hard work
Two orderlies per ward, 24 hours a day, to ensure every retarded is able to maintain the discipline they need
Two isolation wards for the particularly unruly

Did you hire the architect at Dachau or Auschwitz? Crammed into small dorms, eating only once or twice a day, and electric barb wire fences to keep the victims INSIDE not to keep anyone from the outside coming in. You are fooling no one. Let me guess...you also have some gas chambers and industrial ovens there too, huh?

This is a truly sick idea and if this place has been built yet, I think it should be torn down.

[JennyD]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

Why do you hate the retarded, and want them to be mocked?

I bet you laugh at poor Trig Palin, too.

[Wally's World]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

I do not hate the retarded. Why would you say that? I think they need to be helped. Surely rounding them up like cattle and shocking them will not help them. They need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. I doubt any licensed medical doctor would approve of this so-called "TARDS(tm)" facility. Even the name is quite offensive! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but did you know "tard" is an insulting term?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!

I do not hate the retarded. Why would you say that? I think they need to be helped. Surely rounding them up like cattle and shocking them will not help them. They need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. I doubt any licensed medical doctor would approve of this so-called "TARDS™" facility. Even the name is quite offensive! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but did you know "tard" is an insulting term?

"Tard" is a contraction of the word "retard." Just like "don't" is a contraction of "do not." The Bible is full of contractions. The retardeds don't have enough sense to be offended, so you can call them what you like. Only whiney limp-wristed liberals are offended by such nonsense.

And Wally, let's face it; No one wants to see these drooling mongolids out in public. Back in the good old days people had the Christian decency to keep them out of sight. That's what attics are for.