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  • Mary Etheldreda
    Gushing for Jesus
     
    • Sep 2011
    • 23775
    #361
    Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

    Originally posted by harlotismymiddlename View Post
    I am reading the bible, and I have heard the story. I just didn't make the connection immediately. I saw it as more of a scientific question because I think scientifically(I am a very knowlege driven person.)
    Science won't save you from the colossal wrath of God, dear. Have you ever come across a passage in the Holy Bible in which Jesus tells His disciples they must show how to make an alarm clock out of a potato with science in order to go to Heaven?


    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • DemonBrat
        Confirmed Enemy of God
        • Mar 2021
        • 55
        #362
        Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

        heaven is a place filled with Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses anyway, it sounds like a terrible place


        no wonder lucifer rioted

          Comment

          • Didymus Much
            Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
            • Jun 2010
            • 14079
            #363
            Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

            Originally posted by GenericEdgeLord#billionthree View Post
            heaven is a place filled with Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses anyway...
            Maybe you'd like to support this claim with some KJV Scripture? *pretend I've cared enough to source and insert a tired Tommy Lee Jones pic here*


            Seriously, kid, there's plenty enough ****ed up stuff in the Bible already. Read it and find out for yourself.

              Comment

              • Dennis Lukes
                Innkeeper for Christ
                True Christian™
                • Dec 2018
                • 2388
                #364
                Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

                Originally posted by DemonBrat View Post
                heaven is a place filled with Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses anyway, it sounds like a terrible place


                no wonder lucifer rioted
                There will not be a single Mor(m)on or Jehovah's Witless in Heaven. They are devil-worshipping heretics who spit on the Bible and thumb their nose at Jesus. You'll join them in Hell unless you follow the Bible.
                I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                  Comment

                  • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                    True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                     
                    • Jul 2014
                    • 8389
                    #365
                    Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

                    Originally posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
                    There will not be a single Mor(m)on or Jehovah's Witless in Heaven. They are devil-worshipping heretics who spit on the Bible and thumb their nose at Jesus. You'll join them in Hell unless you follow the Bible.
                    My dear father likes to joke that Hell wouldn't be half as Hellish if it weren't for the preponderance of Morons and Jehovah's Witlesses.
                    Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                      Comment

                      • MitzaLizalor
                        Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2010
                        • 14270
                        #366
                        Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

                        There will be no 7th Day Adventists in Heaven and no Irish Cooneyites.

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