GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

[Glendora Christianson]

Folks, I know with Jesus birthday coming up, many of you are wishing you could give Jesus an even better tithe to HIS favorite church. This delightful recipe for Gruel can help prevent wasting money on food and put more of it into the tithing plate.

Tasty Gruel

2 teaspoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt

Boil one cup water. Separately, drip water on flour and salt until it makes a paste. Add the paste to the boiling water. Stir to a semi-fluid consistency. Strain to eliminate film. Serve warm.
PS Reducing the flour to one teaspoon saves 50% and makes Jesus so happy!

[SUV]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

That's a fine I-Dear, Mother Glynndie! And if any of those Sniveling Sinners start Weeping about how they're tired of the same thing every single day, I suggest a steaming bowl of Stone Soup every now and then to fill in:

1) Boil Water
2) Put a Stone in the Water
3) Wait with it by the roadside to see if a Good Samaritan might come along and add to it some salt or vegetables

[Talitha]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

That's a fine I-Dear, Mother Glynndie! And if any of those Sniveling Sinners start Weeping about how they're tired of the same thing every single day, I suggest a steaming bowl of Stone Soup every now and then to fill in:

1) Boil Water
2) Put a Stone in the Water
3) Wait with it by the roadside to see if a Good Samaritan might come along and add to it some salt or vegetables

Wear dark glasses and have an empty cup by your side, they'll probably hrow you cash as well.

Better still have a Tap-dancing Negra Servant do it for you.

[SUV]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Wear dark glasses and have an empty cup by your side, they'll probably hrow you cash as well.

Better still have a Tap-dancing Negra Servant do it for you.

And I have just the "Man" to do it, too!

Where, oh where, is "Pookey Boy?"

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

And I have just the "Man" to do it, too!

Where, oh where, is "Pookey Boy?"

Sweet Sister Sue, I can only assume "Pookey" is our very own Brother Mike? Is he sowing his oats before the big wedding? Or is he a lost little sheep on his way to Wyoming (where men are men and sheep are scared)?

[SUV]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Mother Glynndie, Praise Him that you never had to happen onto the Satanical antics of this strutting, banjo-playing (and we all know the Deemonic "banjo" is nothing but 6-stringed SIN!) darkie from the Antidiluvian days of the old Landover message board.

OH but wasn't that one always just Winking and Leering at me anywhere I went all over that board!
Quite possibly JESUS chose to call him Home because of this very thing. Anyway, he is Gone with the Wind and I Swear too much that I have never had a single thought of him since - until Sister Tali's idea that I put a neegroe to use for me.

SUV

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

OH but wasn't that one always just Winking and Leering at me anywhere I went all over that board!

I thought that was Chadi.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Folks, I know with Jesus birthday coming up, many of you are wishing you could give Jesus an even better tithe to HIS favorite church. This delightful recipe for Gruel can help prevent wasting money on food and put more of it into the tithing plate.

Tasty Gruel

2 teaspoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt

Boil one cup water. Separately, drip water on flour and salt until it makes a paste. Add the paste to the boiling water. Stir to a semi-fluid consistency. Strain to eliminate film. Serve warm.
PS Reducing the flour to one teaspoon saves 50% and makes Jesus so happy!

Man cannot live by gruel alone. Does anyone still have that recipe for dung cakes that has been handed down from my great-great grandmother? I believe it was based on the Biblical version from the book of Ezekiel, my namesake.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Man cannot live by gruel alone. Does anyone still have that recipe for dung cakes that has been handed down from my great-great grandmother? I believe it was based on the Biblical version from the book of Ezekiel, my namesake.

Oh, you must mean...
4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Ezekiel's Barley Cakes

1 cup stone ground barley
1/2 cup dung that cometh out of a man
1/3 cup milk*
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Combine ground barley & salt with dung that cometh out of a man, *carefully add milk for the right consistency (should stick to a spoon and heap nicely on the cookie sheet). If the dung that cometh out of a man is firm, add all of the milk. But if the dung that cometh out of a man is less than firm, hold back on the milk, or ye will have pancakes instead of biscuits. Drop heaping tablespoon portions of the mix onto a greased cookie sheet and bake for 12 minutes.

[SUV]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

I thought that was Chadi.

Oh, it was all of them, Pastor - ALL of them, I say!

Truly, it is a Curse of Satan; my womanly Modesty Forbids me from telling any more of the Sordid details.

SUV

[Ixi]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Ugh, how could anyone eat that? How about a nice cup of spicy apple cider and cupcakes with sprinkles? Now THAT is good.

[Enobarbus]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

Ugh, how could anyone eat that? How about a nice cup of spicy apple cider and cupcakes with sprinkles? Now THAT is good.

This is typical I'm afraid. Once again you are abandoning yourself to the pleasures of the flesh and neglecting Jesus and your spiritual development. I believe that we should start a prayer thread for you and your poor Godless family.

[Ixi]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

OR you should sink your teeth in a Dorito...crunchy nacho goodness!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

OR you should sink your teeth in a Dorito...crunchy nacho goodness!

So, then, you live on a diet of Doritos and cupcakes with sprinkles? That certainly explains some things about you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe

So, then, you live on a diet of Doritos and cupcakes with sprinkles? That certainly explains some things about you.

A similar diet has led to positive lifestyle choices, if memory serves me. Or was that twinkies? anyway, there might be hope for this young lady yet!