[Husband without Joy]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

You appear to be the author of your own misfortunes. What on earth gave you the idea to take her unto wife in the first place? Were you not warned of her character?

Mr. Bathfield, sir, when I met her, she was so sweet, charming, and witty! Friendly, loving . . . Everything a man could want! I don't know what happened! Right after my entire family died of food poisoning at the reception, she turned into a completely different person!

You may have a case against her father, but, to be frank, I don’t think you’re going to have the get up and go to even mention this to him.

No, sir, I'm not allowed to visit the cemetery.

When The North took away our slaves, a follower of a false prophet, Isaac T. Hopper, a Quaker and inspired by satan, started “The Underground Railway”. This system is still in existence today but is used to save husbands from harridans, witches, Goths, lezbeans and all manner of other malformed females.

Here’s what you must do:

The next time you get sent to Wal-Mart, you will see the Customers’ notice board. This had adverts on it. You must place, word for word, the following advert on that board:


“For Sale, 1999 Ford Escort, Service Light still on. Would suit enthusiast $2,200. Enquiries to [and here’s the clever bit] your address with your house number plus 5 houses, your telephone number with the final 2 digits reversed.”


If there is an Undergound Railway network in your area, you will be contacted.

I shall see if I can find an excuse for her to take me to this "Wall Mart". Do they sell walls there or something? Maybe I can convince her to put up some walls in the house. She isn't much on construction, so I could get out to the store that way.

However, if you are not a True Christian™, this idea is not going to be for you as we found that those who were rescued never went on to learn the Lord’s lessons in wife domination, thus if they were ever traced, they just meekly went back like lambs to the slaughter.

I'll do my best, sir!

You poor soul, help is on the way in the form of a Christian Commando team from the U.S. Department of Faith's Covert Operations Directorate.

Praise Jesus!

By the way, is that pronounced geez-us, or like the gardener I used to have, hay-soos?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

I'm feeling a little sheepish about this, but somehow I managed to mangle the name of the most important arm of the US Government, the Department of Faith. I wish to assure everyone at Landover that this was an unintentional slip of the tongue (well, slip of the fingers) brought on by my great joy in learning that the Department of Faith was going to secure Husband without Joy's freedom.

I wish to apologize to all of the good people of the Department of Faith, and especially to the members of the Covert Operations Directorate, who are bringing the winning tactics of our Christian soldiers in Iraq to bear in the defense of our homeland and the Christian values enshrined in the Constitution of the United States of America.

Needless to say, like all True Christians™, I consider faith to be far more important than freedom, and I know that George W. Bush, the greatest US President since James K. Polk (with the possible exception of Ronald W. Reagan), agrees. Freedom without faith is nothing more than decadence and sin, and who would want that?

Don't worry, Brother Smith, it's an easy mistake to make. Without Faith, there is no real Freedom but only the illusion of such. The "freedom" the faithless think they have is actually soul-crushing bondage to their sins.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

Mr. Bathfield, sir, when I met her, she was so sweet, charming, and witty! Friendly, loving . . . Everything a man could want!

And there you have it. Why would you marry a witty woman? Women have no need for wits. It doesn't help them sew better, or cook better, or clean better, or pleasure their husbands more.

Time and again, when women in the Bible use their wits, it creates a huge mess for everyone. Eve in the Garden of Eden caused all of the death and hardship in the world, just because she thought it would be dandy to take advice from a snake. Delilah learned Samson's secret, which lead to suicide attacks in Gaza that are going on even unto the present day. Wives going a whoring after other gods forced God to deliver the Israelites into bondage again and again and again. No, my friend, it is best to stay as far away from witty women as you can. If God had wanted women to be witty, he would have given them brains as good as men's.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

And there you have it. Why would you marry a witty woman? Women have no need for wits. It doesn't help them sew better, or cook better, or clean better, or pleasure their husbands more.

Time and again, when women in the Bible use their wits, it creates a huge mess for everyone. Eve in the Garden of Eden caused all of the death and hardship in the world, just because she thought it would be dandy to take advice from a snake. Delilah learned Samson's secret, which lead to suicide attacks in Gaza that are going on even unto the present day. Wives going a whoring after other gods forced God to deliver the Israelites into bondage again and again and again. No, my friend, it is best to stay as far away from witty women as you can. If God had wanted women to be witty, he would have given them brains as good as men's.

Amen!! Preach it Brother!!

[JennyD]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

You poor, poor man!

She was clever and witty and charming, and then became a completely different person? So no longer clever, nor witty, nor charming?

How sad!

And a vicious feminazi, it seems!

You need to get rid of her, and find yourself a decent, kind, loving True Christian(tm) lady with whom to share your immense wealth life, all the stocks and bonds ups and downs and the incredible joys Jesus has to offer!

Think of the fun you and a True Christian(tm) woman could have together, tithing laughing away the days!

Perhaps when the DOF has made you a widower, you'll find such a True Christian(tm) lady.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

You need to get rid of her, and find yourself a decent, kind, loving True Christian™ lady with whom to share your immense wealth life, all the stocks and bonds ups and downs and the incredible joys Jesus has to offer!

Think of the fun you and a True Christian™ woman could have together, tithing laughing away the days!

Perhaps when the DOF has made you a widower, you'll find such a True Christian™ lady.

Careful there, Jenny - you'll slip in that puddle of drool you're creating.

[Sperman]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

She makes me cook and clean and serve her Wiccan coven's every need. Bring them cookies and ice cream, be their footstool or spittoon, or scrub the baby blood out from under their nails. At least they say it's baby blood.

Hate ta break it to you, buddy, but ur wife's a bi-sexural adulterating queer-woman! (Not that that a bad thing! )

She told me so in THIS thread -

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=154327&postcount=5

You can see quiet clear she has fantazies about Liz Phair and Chrissie Hynde - two ugly old lezzbeaners!!!

An in THIS thread se told me she's having an affair wi her gynocolojust -

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=154363&postcount=20

She 'claims' her Gynocolojust sees her COMPLETE NAKED, but everyone know gynos only examine women's lunchbucket parts. For her to 'strip off' complete skyclad naked for her gyno, she gotta be pumping him!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

Hate ta break it to you, buddy, but ur wife's a bi-sexural adulterating queer-woman! (Not that that a bad thing! )

She told me so in THIS thread -

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=154327&postcount=5

You can see quiet clear she has fantazies about Liz Phair and Chrissie Hynde - two ugly old lezzbeaners!!!

Chuckles, I said they were talented musicians.

An in THIS thread se told me she's having an affair wi her gynocolojust -

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=154363&postcount=20

She 'claims' her Gynocolojust sees her COMPLETE NAKED, but everyone know gynos only examine women's lunchbucket parts. For her to 'strip off' complete skyclad naked for her gyno, she gotta be pumping him!

How many gynecological exams have you ever had, little man? FYI, OB/GYN's also do breast exams.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

Husband without Joy, I have found some information that may explain why the woman you married is not the woman you are married to now:

Resources to aid your Understanding

The New World Order is coming! Are you ready? Once you understand what this New World Order really is, and how it is being gradually implemented, you will be able to see it progressing in your daily news!!

In a monumental demonstration of critically-timed conditioning to get people ready for the attitudes and values of the occult, ABC aired a show on the subject of "walk-ins" on June 4, 1999. While the narrator, Robert Stack, was careful to say that a "walk-in" was not demonic possession, we will demonstrate the opposite is true. We shall demonstrate that, not only is a "walk-in" demonic possession, but Antichrist probably could not arise were it not for the preparatory work of walk-ins. If you have not read NEWS1253, "Is National Demonic Possession Possible", we urge you to do so now. Then, you will be better able to understand the terribly frightening significance of ABC giving national attention to this subject of supernatural "walk-ins".

Conditioning, conditioning, conditioning. In the words of one New Age author, writing in the mid-1970's, "The Great One cannot appear until and unless a substantial proportion of the population has been first conditioned to accept him."

The United States of America is filled with the Satanic values of the New World Order. This filth is literally everywhere. This once great Jesus Christ-honoring nation has literally been filled with this old occultic value system. In Ephesians 3:17-20, the Apostle Paul yearns that believers might be totally filled with the love and richness of Jesus Christ. Paul was literally praying that the believer would become completely filled with the Holy Spirit. All of us have prayed this type of prayer for our own lives, as well we should.

WALK-INS -- SATANIC INFILLING OF THE PERSON

However, Satan has a counterfeit filling for his believers, and this is the topic of discussion for our program today. Christian author, Constance Cumbey, strongly emphasizes in her book, "The Hidden Dangers of the Rainbow", that the one common binding ingredient among all these various groups is their common "mystical experiences". This term refer to the religious teachings common to all these various groups. Whatever name the group is using, they uniformly teach that man can perfect himself through the practice of ancient religious techniques, of meditation and through following the guidance of their own "Guiding Spirits".

Meditation is the technique whereby a person empties his mind of all conscious thought, while chanting a series of repetitive words or phrases as many times as possible. Once a person does this repeatedly, he/she will begin to experience the phenomenon whereby the mind begins to lose its normal contact with the body. This phenomena is called an "Out-of-Body" experience, and is very common in occult circles.

Millions upon millions of today's Americans have participated in this type of activity, resulting in demonic possession in degrees ranging from mild to severe. At this point, we need to reach an understanding as to the nature of Satanic demon possession. Most of us associate demonic possession with the stories of the New Testament where demon-possessed people were violent, were afflicted with mental and physical diseases, where it was very obvious to everyone that the person was demonically afflicted or possessed.

All these manifestations are, indeed, truly associated with demonic possession; however, a demonically-possessed person does not necessarily display these characteristics in all cases. Many people have been demonically possessed for their entire lives without the common people around them having the least knowledge of it. These possessed people might seem very normal in every respect. The author of the "Dictionary of the Bible" states that the demon which is possessing the individual begins the process whereby he effects "the complete or incomplete loss of the sufferer's reason or power of will; his action, his words, and almost his thoughts are mastered by the evil spirit, till his personality seems to be destroyed...or overborne as to produce the consciousness of a twofold will within him, like that sometimes felt in a dream."

This sentence captures the essence of what New Age doctrine calls "raising the level of one's consciousness". Slowly, gradually, and benevolently, the demonic spirit takes complete control over the entire mind and personality of the possessed person. As long as it fulfills the plans of the demonic spirit, the victim will appear as normal and happy as you can imagine.

In today's America, millions of people have opened themselves up to demonic possession in just this way. As you examine the writings of the New Age Movement, you discover a horrible truth -- the leaders of the New World Order are demon possessed, and their Guiding Spirits have revealed to them that the New World Order cannot be established until millions of people are similarly possessed. A good example of this possession is found in Alice Bailey's monumentally-important book, "The Externalisation of the Hierarchy ", in which it is revealed that a demon by the name of "Master D.K." wrote this book through her. Many of the authors and leaders of the New Age Movement have admitted that they are in daily contact with their Guiding Spirits -- and nobody blinks an eye. The initiated accept this condition as benevolent and coveted. This possession is nothing more than Satan's counterfeit in-filling of God's Holy Spirit of a born-again believer. Make no mistake about the fact that demon possession is rampant in America today.

What we will show you today is that the Plan for a New World Order has developed to the point where this demonic possession has reached a new level. We will share this new level with you today, quoting primarily from Ruth Montgomery in her book, "Herald Of The New Age". Montgomery writes entirely by "automatic writing", which is defined as "writing produced when a person goes into an altered state and a spirit entity takes over a person's arm and hand to communicate". (The New Age Dictionary). Of course, this spirit entity is assumed to be benevolent, and they certainly present themselves as such. Montgomery's spirit entity just so happens to be a committee, identified repeatedly in her books as "Lily, Art, and the Group". Montgomery identifies them as "discarnate beings" who telepathically communicate to her about the coming New Age of peace and safety. While these Guides have communicated with her on many issues, we want to discuss one of their most interesting and relevant subjects, because the time of its impact is now upon us; once you understand what is occurring, you will make more sense out of current events.

PUTTING ON A MASK OF BENEVOLENCE ON DEMON POSSESSION

The subject is "Walk-Ins". This unfamiliar term has no relevance to those of us whose background is Biblical, so we need to thoroughly define it. All believers in the New Age believe in reincarnation, defined as the belief that "we do not really die"; rather, our souls supposedly leave our dead bodies and go into a supernatural state whereby they wait for the next incarnation cycle. Some occultists believe that each soul can choose the time of their next incarnation into a human body at birth, while others believe there is a set cycle by which reincarnation occurs. For example, "according to the Pythagorean, after a period of 216 years...all things are regenerated...this was the periodic time of ... the rebirth of man after each death." ("The Occult Power Of Numbers ", p. 66). Thus, according to this belief, all things--people, nations, and nature, are regenerated in precisely 216 years; the number 216 is a sacred number because it is 6x6x6, the most sacred number.

But, back to the subject of "Walk-Ins". Walk-ons are defined as "souls who have earned the right, through many lifetimes of spiritual growth, to return directly to the earth plane as adults" (Montgomery, "Herald of a New Age", page 202). In other words, these souls in the reincarnation holding cycle want to return to earth in an adult body, rather than incarnating in the body of a baby. Montgomery's Guides reveal that these souls are "not yet perfected souls, but are high-minded beings intent on aiding their fellow humans, and tens of thousands of them are already here..." (Ibid). These discarnate souls are desperately wanting to incarnate into an adult body at this moment in world history so they can help humanity successfully complete its journey into the New World Order. And, of course, the occult Spiritual Hierarchy of Shambala is very supportive of this desire. (We need to stop here very briefly to remind our listeners that all this occultic mumbo jumbo is only describing demon possession in such a way as to make it palatable and believable to their American and Western audience. A Walk-in is merely a demon possessing a person who has spiritually opened themselves up to possession through occultic meditations and other occult activities.)

The Walk-in story continues. Even though these "high-minded" discarnate souls desperately want to incarnate into an adult body rather than a baby, they have the problem of the spirit which is already inhabiting the adult body. That spirit must voluntarily leave the adult body so that the new, high-minded spirit can enter. Montgomery's Guides explain that this is no problem; the "soul transfer", as it is called, usually occurs when the adult body is weak, or sick, or when the spirit inhabiting that body is thoroughly discouraged. At this moment, the Guides say, the old spirit "walks out" and the new spirit "walks in". Very suddenly, the adult body receives a new burst of spiritual energy, a new sense of revitalization. This is a "Walk-in".

Each person interviewed had experienced this "soul transfer" during a particularly important part of their life. And, each one immediately sensed that the change had occurred. Each of them began to exhibit strong psychic powers of the kind expressly forbidden by the God of the Holy Bible. Some of these people could suddenly divine the future; some could sense the "aura" supposedly surrounding each person alive; still others suddenly had the ability to read the thoughts of other people. This is classic Satanism! God forbids it! While this may sound reasonable to a person who does not know or believe Scripture, those Christians who do know their Bible know that a deadly poison by any other name is still deadly. Walk-ins are deadly, even if their human hosts suddenly "love others" a whole lot more!

SATAN'S GOAL, SATAN'S PLAN

What is the purpose of these "Walk-ins"? As we tell you, remember that Montgomery's book, "Herald Of A New Age", was written in 1986. Montgomery's Guides told her that "they are coming in increasing numbers during the next decade to prepare us" for the coming New World Order. How would these Walk-ins be able to help? They would infiltrate the population of the world, from the mass of the people, to its leaders, to ensure that the right decisions were being made during the time of transition to the New World Order. These "high-minded spirits" realize that the leaders of the people must make "correct" decisions, but they can do nothing if the mass of the population is deadset against them. Therefore, the Plan calls for a great many Walk-ins among the population , to aid the leadership in molding the opinions of the people.

Again, we must pause to explain the transition part of the Plan to the New World Order. The Guiding Spirits have taught that the "Great One will need 7 years of transition into the New World Order ("The Armageddon Script ", by Peter Lemesurier, page 235). Isn't it extremely interesting that they have chosen the number 7, the precise number of years of the Biblical Tribulation?

This transition period will be a time of the greatest trouble the world has ever seen. In fact, these Guides repeatedly use the word "Tribulation" to describe these 7 transition years. During this time, the earth will be purified and cleansed of all the old, evil influences so that the Golden Age of peace, safety, and prosperity can begin. As Montgomery's Guides describe this cleansing action of the earth, it sounds very much like the events described in the book of Revelation. Millions of people will die from earthquakes, tidal floods, famine, and world war. In fact, this description of the coming cleansing action during the transition so clearly paralleled the book of Revelation, I suddenly understood a verse which had always puzzled me. In Revelation 6-9, God reveals that His judgment upon the earth will result in approximately two-thirds of mankind being killed. Yet, in chapter 9, verses 20-21, God states, "And the rest of humanity, who were not killed by these plagues, even then did not repent out of the worship of the works of their own hands, so as to cease paying homage to the demons and idols of gold and silver and bronze and stone and wood...And they did not repent out of their murders or their practice of magic sorceries or their sexual vice or their thefts."

MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF WALK-INS?

These Guiding Spirits further teach that this earth is a living being whom they call Mother Gaia. Mother Gaia will be so intent upon cleansing herself of all "evil" influences that she will dramatically change her angle of rotation. The Guides have described this as "the planetary shift". This planetary shift will be the primary cause of all the natural disasters befalling the earth during this transition phase leading into the New World Order. This time will be so difficult, and will require the political leaders to make such difficult life-and-death decisions, that the Hierarchy has decided to infiltrate these "High-minded" spirit Walk-ins. At the time of Montgomery's book, there were "tens of thousands" of these Walk-ins; however, as the earth approaches the time of her planetary shift, this number is to grow to millions upon millions . This Walk-in infiltration was planned to occur in every level of society. Walk-ins were to be regular husbands and wives, doctors, lawyers, scientists, businessmen, political leaders, and clergy. Montgomery claimed she had met Walk-ins who were from every one of these professions, including a "metaphysical minister" and a "Baptist preacher from the Deep South".

But, the revelations become even more interesting. These supernatural Guiding Spirits revealed information which paralleled Biblical prophecy to a startling degree, and we quote, "The Guides foresaw famine and war before the shift ... Near the time of the shift, which the Guides claim is inevitable ...the Antichrist will rise to power..." This is just one of many instances in which New Age writers actually name their Christ, Anti-Christ. But, why should we be surprised, when the Apostle John wrote in 1 John 2:18, "...it is the last hour, the end of this age. And as you have heard that Antichrist [he who will oppose Christ in the guise of Christ] is coming...". [Parallel Bible, KJV/Amplified Bible Commentary]

This definition of Anti-Christ as one who will oppose Christ by coming in the guise of Christ is precisely what these Guiding Spirits are foretelling. When Maitreya the Christ appears, he will claim to have the "Christ-consciousness spirit" which came upon Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, and other christs throughout history. However, Maitreya will claim that the "Christ-consciousness" spirit inhabiting him is several degrees higher than those previous spirits.

The front page was totally devoted to the subject, "Alien Tells Clinton and Bush: Five U.S. Senators Are Space Aliens". Now, as we have previously stated, Space Aliens are also nothing more than Satan's demons whom God is allowing to physically appear on earth during this period to prepare the world to accept Anti-Christ and his kingdom. We have shown that they teach the people with whom they have made contact, standard, occultic doctrines and goals. Supposedly, this space alien met with Bush and Clinton for 90 minutes several weeks ago to inform them that five U.S. Senators were really Aliens (Walk-ins).

These five senators were even named. We traditionally do not place any credence in the stories of this trashy tabloid; however, we are in the time of the end of the age, when truth is more amazing than fiction; further, this story does fit the over-all scenario of demon-possession of key leaders. We know that the last political leader to pronounce the advent of the New World Order was Adolf Hitler. Historians readily admit that Hitler and many of his aides were demonically possessed. Further, we have shown that the doctrines of the New Age are nothing more than a revival of Nazism. The New World Order is simply Nazism. Since this is the case, why should we be surprised that certain current political leaders might be demonically possessed?

These five senators initially denied that they were Aliens, but then two admitted they were, indeed, Aliens, and said, "'O.K., you found us out, but remember this, mankind is not alone.' One Senator went even further when he suggested that the five senators named as extraterrestrial are just the tip of the iceberg." Again, this article is consistent with the revelations of Montgomery's Guiding Spirits.

This article repeatedly states that the objectives of these Aliens are totally benevolent. "From all appearances they have the best interests of mankind at heart." Finally, we are referred to another article toward the back of the magazine which tells us that everyday people, maybe even your next-door neighbor, may be an alien (Walk-in).

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

I also give you this checklist, Husband without Joy. Complete it as quickly and as accurately as possible, and dispose of (preferably by burning) any and all items you own which appear on it. There is a good chance that the DEMONS that have taken up residence in your home, and in particular your wife's body, emanated from one or more of these heathen, cursed things. Leave no stone unturned, HWJ. Your immortal soul is at stake.


Please review the following list and tell me which, if any, of the following items you have in your home:

Frogs, owls, hearts, unicorns, angels, dolphins, rainbows, dragons, horseshoes
Items from other countries, especially Africa, China, Japan
American Indian artifacts (dreamcatchers, etc.); carvings, pictures
Buddha statues
Dolls and stuffed animals (dolls originated in voodoo)
Paisley pattern on anything
Some items of clothing (Nike is a Greek goddess, according to the dictionary)
Pictures of movie stars/other celebrities
Some items passed down from ancestors
Shamrocks, clovers or any kind of good luck charm
Eastern Indian items
Any items that are used in witchcraft
The Book ofMormon
The Satanic Bible
Books on other religions
Rock and roll music, jazz music, etc.
Flamingos, sundials, books/tapes from false (i.e., non-Deliverance) religions
Ankhs, astrological symbols, peace symbols, tikis, Italian horns (cornutos)
Stars, wishbones, incense, fleurs-de-lis.

Waste no time. You must be ready and vigilant always!



.

[Sperman]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

How many gynecological exams have you ever had, little man? .

None, why u offering? Perhaps u could perform a 'skyclad' gyno exam on my ass? We can smoke some weed first, an dance around wi chicken giblets on our faces. I'd lik that.

FYI, OB/GYN's also do breast exams.

Were those 'skyclad' breast exams???

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

None, why u offering?

No way.

Perhaps u could perform a 'skyclad' gyno exam on my ass? We can smoke some weed first, an dance around wi chicken giblets on our faces. I'd lik that.


Don't hold your breath, ok?

Were those 'skyclad' breast exams???

You are truly pathetic. Perhaps if you actually get laid someday, you'll grow up a bit. Of course, you're going to have to grow up a lot before any woman would be interested in you. And no, I'm not offering.

[Sperman]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

And no, I'm not offering.

Thats cos ur too busy gettin skyclad wi ur gyno?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

Thats cos ur too busy gettin skyclad wi ur gyno?

No, it's because you disgust me.

[Sperman]

Re: Can somebody help me to be a man? Please?

No, it's because you disgust me.

Now I KNOW ur joking! Baby, am a hole lotta man!

Besides, I know how u veganatarians LOOOVE Meatloaf, well ah look jus like him! An he a sex icon!