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Okay, so a little background on the problem. As some of you may already know, I'm a university academic. My role is predominantly research based and I cooperate closely in a small research group with (up until recently) 3 other people. We've been working together for a few months now. We all collaborate on the same stuff, apply for funding together etc. so we have a tight work environment.
Machine learning is a hot topic right now and corporate entities have just been plying us with funding recently so the faculty overlords decided to assign a 5th person to our group. I wasn't particularly thrilled at the prospect because I felt it might be a bit of a disruption but obviously I was going to do my best to welcome him all the same.
He turns up for the first time a few weeks ago and we get on really well. He's a bright young guy with plenty of great ideas and it only took him a few days to settle down. Anyway, last Monday we were standing around waiting for a faculty meeting and we got on to the subject of significant others. I told him at great length about my wife and then inquired about his. He replied that he was gay. I had an instinctive nervous response and my eyes grew wider than his rectal hole. He could tell that I was uncomfortable.
I forgot about the whole thing until the next day when I asked the rest of my colleagues whether they knew that he was gay. I knew they probably wouldn't have a problem with it. Computer science is full of self-proclaimed "rationalist" types. So long as 1 + 1 still equalled 2, these guys would be fine with going up the downwards escalator. Don't get me wrong, we get on well because we've fostered a great work environment and they never attempt to shove their lack of values down my throat but I wouldn't hang out with them out of choice.
One of my colleagues knew he was gay, the other two didn't. Apparently I didn't do a very good job of disguising my disgust because all three of them gave me a dirty, judging look -- as if I was the one going to hell! I didn't press the matter any further but I've started praying for those guys every night. I left a KJV Bible on each of their desks before I went home last Friday. I hope they see the error of their ways.
Anyway, my atheist colleagues aren't really the problematic element of the story. They're mostly harmless in a first-degree-burns-in-hell kind of way. The new guy - the faeces feeler - is the antagonist. This is a guy I have to fraternise with for up to 12 hours a day 5 days a week and he's a fag.
I started off just gently offering to pray with him and reminding him to pray to God in his own time. I informed him of ex-gay success stories and gave him messages of hope for recovery or, at the very least, abstinence. He didn't respond positively so I started leaving ex-gay literature on his desk during lunch breaks. I changed his Internet Explorer homepage to this forum. I stuck post-it notes of relevant quotes from Leviticus to his monitor. I programmed the GPS on his phone with directions to the nearest AIDS testing clinic. I offered to find him a particularly butch girlfriend. I broke into his house, abandoned his gay little poodle at the pound and poked holes in all his condoms. I programmed the GPS on his phone with directions to the nearest AIDS testing clinic again. In short, I did everything I could to guide this man to the LORD.
Yesterday, he turned around and said to me "I'm gay, you're going to have to handle it professionally". Well, naturally, I thought he was coming on to me the way these promiscuous fags always do. I snapped and asked him if he wanted to get stoned. Of course, I made hand gestures to suggest I was referring to marijuana use (I don't want to break the law, after all). While he was off getting lunch, I went outside and found several rocks which I then placed on his desk. He didn't say a single word to me for the rest of the day.
This morning, I arrived at work and I knew something was up because none of my colleagues were being very talkative. Turns out the nasty little homer has filed a formal complaint against me. Apparently, because of the "severity" of the complaint, it flew straight through the faculty and into the university's HR department. I was dealing with the big boys.
After a short meeting, it emerged that I've been suspended awaiting a disciplinary hearing. From what I could gather, the perfidious atheists have betrayed me and backed up the bum bandit. No wonder they weren't saying much to me this morning.
I calmly explained that the presence of Dora the Colon Explorer in our research group was a clear violation of both my right to religious freedom (heh, and they call this a Christian country!) and my right to freedom of association. I made it clear that I couldn't afford to associate with a vile sinner; that the stakes were nothing less than my immortal soul. My pleas fell on the deaf ears of a secular institution.
Unfortunately, these days the rights of soulless sodomites are valued more than the rights of decent Christians. Frankly, I don't know what to do next. I'm tempted to walk away on principle. I don't need to work anywhere that sanctions and encourages religious persecution and discrimination.
What should I do now? What would you do, friends?
Machine learning is a hot topic right now and corporate entities have just been plying us with funding recently so the faculty overlords decided to assign a 5th person to our group. I wasn't particularly thrilled at the prospect because I felt it might be a bit of a disruption but obviously I was going to do my best to welcome him all the same.
He turns up for the first time a few weeks ago and we get on really well. He's a bright young guy with plenty of great ideas and it only took him a few days to settle down. Anyway, last Monday we were standing around waiting for a faculty meeting and we got on to the subject of significant others. I told him at great length about my wife and then inquired about his. He replied that he was gay. I had an instinctive nervous response and my eyes grew wider than his rectal hole. He could tell that I was uncomfortable.
I forgot about the whole thing until the next day when I asked the rest of my colleagues whether they knew that he was gay. I knew they probably wouldn't have a problem with it. Computer science is full of self-proclaimed "rationalist" types. So long as 1 + 1 still equalled 2, these guys would be fine with going up the downwards escalator. Don't get me wrong, we get on well because we've fostered a great work environment and they never attempt to shove their lack of values down my throat but I wouldn't hang out with them out of choice.
One of my colleagues knew he was gay, the other two didn't. Apparently I didn't do a very good job of disguising my disgust because all three of them gave me a dirty, judging look -- as if I was the one going to hell! I didn't press the matter any further but I've started praying for those guys every night. I left a KJV Bible on each of their desks before I went home last Friday. I hope they see the error of their ways.
Anyway, my atheist colleagues aren't really the problematic element of the story. They're mostly harmless in a first-degree-burns-in-hell kind of way. The new guy - the faeces feeler - is the antagonist. This is a guy I have to fraternise with for up to 12 hours a day 5 days a week and he's a fag.
I started off just gently offering to pray with him and reminding him to pray to God in his own time. I informed him of ex-gay success stories and gave him messages of hope for recovery or, at the very least, abstinence. He didn't respond positively so I started leaving ex-gay literature on his desk during lunch breaks. I changed his Internet Explorer homepage to this forum. I stuck post-it notes of relevant quotes from Leviticus to his monitor. I programmed the GPS on his phone with directions to the nearest AIDS testing clinic. I offered to find him a particularly butch girlfriend. I broke into his house, abandoned his gay little poodle at the pound and poked holes in all his condoms. I programmed the GPS on his phone with directions to the nearest AIDS testing clinic again. In short, I did everything I could to guide this man to the LORD.
Yesterday, he turned around and said to me "I'm gay, you're going to have to handle it professionally". Well, naturally, I thought he was coming on to me the way these promiscuous fags always do. I snapped and asked him if he wanted to get stoned. Of course, I made hand gestures to suggest I was referring to marijuana use (I don't want to break the law, after all). While he was off getting lunch, I went outside and found several rocks which I then placed on his desk. He didn't say a single word to me for the rest of the day.
This morning, I arrived at work and I knew something was up because none of my colleagues were being very talkative. Turns out the nasty little homer has filed a formal complaint against me. Apparently, because of the "severity" of the complaint, it flew straight through the faculty and into the university's HR department. I was dealing with the big boys.
After a short meeting, it emerged that I've been suspended awaiting a disciplinary hearing. From what I could gather, the perfidious atheists have betrayed me and backed up the bum bandit. No wonder they weren't saying much to me this morning.
I calmly explained that the presence of Dora the Colon Explorer in our research group was a clear violation of both my right to religious freedom (heh, and they call this a Christian country!) and my right to freedom of association. I made it clear that I couldn't afford to associate with a vile sinner; that the stakes were nothing less than my immortal soul. My pleas fell on the deaf ears of a secular institution.
Unfortunately, these days the rights of soulless sodomites are valued more than the rights of decent Christians. Frankly, I don't know what to do next. I'm tempted to walk away on principle. I don't need to work anywhere that sanctions and encourages religious persecution and discrimination.
What should I do now? What would you do, friends?
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