[Wide-Open]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I would be cautious about pooping on a homosexual's property. They think you're flirting with them.

I'm not sure if the gays even know what flirting is Brother. I have it on good authority that they just act on impulse and reflexes: see a rectum -> sodomize it. Rinse and repeat. Some guy named Skinny (sp?) has proven that beyond reasonable doubt.

Still, I agree with you that any contact with the gays can turn into a painful nightmare, so I would be careful where I would fling my True Christian poop.

[Godfly]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I would be cautious about pooping on a homosexual's property. They think you're flirting with them.

I'm not sure if the gays even know what flirting is Brother. I have it on good authority that they just act on impulse and reflexes: see a rectum -> sodomize it. Rinse and repeat. Some guy named Skinny (sp?) has proven that beyond reasonable doubt.

Still, I agree with you that any contact with the gays can turn into a painful nightmare, so I would be careful where I would fling my True Christian poop.

Thanks for the words of caution brothers! I'll have my boy fling the buckets while I'm driving by at high speed!

On an unrelated note, does anyone know where Faith Machine has been parking his van?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no? God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts? Cause that seems wrong... I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?

Where do you read in the Holy Bible that God created us with the ability and intent to poop? God created man and beast to live without fear of being eaten before the fall (Genesis 1:29–30). Obviously, carnivorous animals of today were all vegetarian originally.

God gave the warning in Genesis 2:16–17 that sin would be punishable by death, and so it was. This means the LORD miraculously and instantaneously changed the animals' entire digestive systems from that of vegetarian only to omnivorous or carnivorous systems, extracting nutrients from the death of other animals. Clearly man's digestive system was included in this miraculous and instantaneous physiological change, as our digestive system today is omnivorous.

I can only imagine the surprise and horror when suddenly Adam discovered he had a rectum, Eve had an anus. As they were compelled to eat from the dust of the ground (Genesis 3:14), so too were they compelled to poop upon it.

Because True Christians™ are born again, creatures of spirit not flesh (1 Peter 1:23; 2 Corinthians 5:17; John 3:6), we are no more tempted by poop than we are by sin (1st John 3:9). If you don't believe me, try and think of any True Christian™ sitting on the toilet. You can't. Pat Robertson? Can't imagine it. Jerry Falwell? No. George W. Bush? Can't be done.

Is there someone on this forum who can offer better guidance? A man perhaps? I have a hard time understanding women.

Nonsense. You have a hard time understanding God's Holy Word because you are a sinner and Satan is your father (John 8:44).

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Sister Mary, what you say is so true. Might I add that the Bible states God made us in his own image( Genesis 1:27 ). I have never read of God needing to relieve himself in any way or nowhere in the New Testament is it written that Jesus removed himself, with the newspaper, to the nearest gents room. No moments of great thought, on a porcelain throne, is spoken of anywhere.

[WWJDnow]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I think there's an eighth step that's critical to success--turn your lower regions over to a higher power. After all, what is the point of getting to know Jesus if not to get His help dealing with the toughest problems we face in life? Well, that and Salvation, of course.

The Bible tells us that it is possible to succeed in this regimen:

Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone. 1 Kings 14:10

Even better, with God's help, success is guaranteed:

He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill.... Psalms 113:7

PRAISE HIM!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

You will have to pardon me but how on earth can one live without using the bathroom!?

Like everything else, peeing and pooping are a choice: If one "backslides" into the lifestyle, it merely means the person didn't pray hard enough, or have sufficient faith that the Lord™ would ease their suffering.

God™ has a wonderful plan for us. And personally, when I meet Him on that great day, I don't want pee OR poop to be anywhere in the picture!

Ask Yourself: DO YOU?

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

In the Pendergast household "potty training" meant "potty rehab." We nipped the problem of excrement addiction in the bud with each of our four children.

But my eldest daughter is going through a rebellious phase. She started experimenting with peeing and pooping a few months ago and now she cannot stop. It's taken over life. She's not the same person any more. She's failing at home schooling. She's lost interest in learning to cook and clean. She can't think of anyone but herself. She lies about where she's been and what she's been doing. She just lives to get that next bladder or bowel hit. My wife and I just want our daughter back.

So last night I took her to my parents' house for dinner (or that's what I told her, anyway), and all her friends were there, her grandparents from both sides, our pastor (who coordinated the intervention), and all the church elders. We each got a chance to tell her how we felt.

"If you continue down this road, you'll die," my wife said through tears. "I'm just worried that one day I'm going to get that call that your bowels have fallen out like King Jehoram."

"We can no longer enable you," I told her. "I don't want to see you end up in jail. People get arrested for peeing by the side of the road."

We gave her an ultimatum. Accept Brother COM's treatment program or lose her family, her friends, her place at home and at church.

She trotted out all the excuses Brother COM mentioned. "I can stop whenever I want." "I have to do it to feel normal." She tried to blame us for her problem. But we demolished each of her excuses, and I am glad to say she has accepted treatment. An ex-pooper from church has agreed to be her sponsor.

She's in the cold turkey phase at the moment. We've got her handcuffed to her bed. We have a rotating roster so that there is always someone praying with her.

Thank you, Brother Cranky, for your informative post. My wife and I will be forever indebted to you.

[Wide-Open]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Your eldest daughter sounds like a handful. Know, Brother, that you could always turn to FaecalAnon (or FaecalAteen in this case?) if you feel you are forced to unwillingly play part in her addiction.

The people closest to the addict suffer the most, and need support from True Christian outsiders.

I know you feel like she should "not shit or get off the pot", but you will need patience and detachment. I will pray for her too.

[WWJDnow]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no?

NO!

God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts?

God created us with the ability to commit many sins. That doesn't mean He wants us to commit them. Pooping and pissing is a lifestyle choice, plain and simple.

I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?

From Satan.

I have a hard time understanding women.

Why does that not surprise me?

[Tyler the witch]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Thank you Bob4God and Godfly, you cleared that issue up quite nicely.


Sorry Ms. Etheldreda, your knowledge of scripture is impressive, but being a man, I understand a man's logic far better than a woman's.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

She lies about where she's been and what she's been doing. She just lives to get that next bladder or bowel hit. My wife and I just want our daughter back.

"If you continue down this road, you'll die," my wife said through tears. "I'm just worried that one day I'm going to get that call that your bowels have fallen out like King Jehoram."

Of course the blowout from binging on fecal purging often leads to death in the young.

Just today Hollywood lost a young actress from just such an addiction. The cause of death has not been officially released yet....and yet, WE know.

'THE PATRIOT' STAR
Skye McCole Bartusiak
DEAD AT 21



Skye reportedly had been suffering from seizures and on Saturday morning her boyfriend came home and found her sitting up in bed in her parents converted garage. The family believes she had a seizure and choked to death.

Sources say Skye struggled after doing "The Patriot" ... trying to establish a foot print in Hollywood, but it was largely a frustrating and unsuccessful experience.

Law enforcement sources tells us ... there are no "obvious signs" she took her own life ... however, our sources say toxicology reports could change their operating theory.

[Wide-Open]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Shocking Sister. I think we can conclude she pooped herself to death.

Question: do we consider, eh, breaking wind a gateway sin? Because eh - especially at my age - you don't always know if, eh, you know, accident, eh...

[Apocryphon]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

While I utterly wpould denounce the sorcery that is Pharmakeia I have been told by wayward and heathen loving hippie druggard sex addicts that Tramadol in sufficient doses will stop the unholy acts of defecation and urination while also reducing hunger which is also itself aerversion of the flesh, as is any need or want while on this earth except to be with the Lord through Jesus. Note that all suffwering of the flesh is in God's plan so taking Tramadol for actual pain is a sinmand gratefying Satan.

[Apocryphon]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Could somebody please clean up the terrible mess my keyboard has made above in the name of Jesus? Also add however between Pharmakeia and I. Praise the lord.

[WWJDnow]

Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Sorry Ms. Etheldreda, your knowledge of scripture is impressive, but being a man, I understand a man's logic far better than a woman's.

True Christian™ ladies such as Sister Etheldreda clear every post they make with their husbands (or, if they are unmarried, their fathers). While we appreciate your offer of your services a manly logician, we've already got it covered.