Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

Oh Lord....I can’t explain why but after reading this post I think I need a towel to wipe the sweat from my brows. I’m widowed as my wife was hit by teenage nigras in a car while listening to bugaloo music. I would be a gentleman to court one of them. But I am also aware, this is not a dating forum so I will refrain. Woo...I’m going out for a walk now see you all later.

[Basilissa]

Re: Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

Does this asylum extend to Danish women? We are practically the same as the Sweds, but less mongol-looking.

More importantly: does your face look significantly less horse-like than the Swedes? Most Swedes I've met have much more horse-like than Mongol-like facial features.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

They used to say about New York City, "You can't be too rich or too thin." I often say something similar about our Godly City of Freehold, "We can't have too many blond people." Of course, this is only true if they are straight and Christian.

I have set up an office to process and find housing for straight Swedish women. We will need volunteers to give English classes and bring the women to church.

[Phil Ander]

Re: Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

Brother William
A wonderful Freehold initiative. Should any of these Swedish Asylum seekers feel a little bit homesick after arrival, I am happy to welcome them to my 16 person sauna (the biggest in Wisconsin!). In the winter months there is plenty of snow outside for a bit of a roll to cool off between sessions. Light birching is an optional extra for the Swedes, though I do find that the most requests for birching come from Finnish females. I am told it is a "culture thing" in the Scandinavian cesspits.
The Anders were Germanic immigrants to Scandinavia so I might meet up with some distant relatives sitting in the sauna! Hopefully I can bring some of them to Christ as we sweat together.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

Brother Bryan,
This is such a wonderful initiative and a generous offer to the hopeless Scandinavian women. But... are we too late? Are there any heterosexual Swedish women left? Are we already too close to the End of Times (Revelation 22:20) to have any naturally afflicted Nordic females remaining?

Luke 18:8
I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?

In case there are, I shall obviously strongly support your initiative with some caveats:
1. Swedish women are very lustful. How are our admittedly handsome, sturdy and beefcake-level young comely youth going to cope with the constant pressure to engage in marital relations?

Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Ezekiel 23:20
For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

2. All Swedish people are unnaturally blond. How are we going to discern between their default skin and hair color and the blond phenotype caused by leprosy?

Leviticus 13:3
And the priest shall look on the plague in the skin of the flesh: and when the hair in the plague is turned white, and the plague in sight be deeper than the skin of his flesh, it is a plague of leprosy: and the priest shall look on him, and pronounce him unclean.

I'll be praying on this.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Attention All Straight Swedish Women:

- Did you know that all your good looking Swedish men spend more time looking at themselves in a mirror than looking at you? Yes, they are all gay now.

- Are you disturbed that all those "toxic masculinity" wolf whistles you get on the street now are coming from lezbean bull dykes?

- Are you fed up with the high taxes of your socialist country that go to pay for a useless Monarch named "Gustaf", and support welfare for violence prone mooselimbs that refuse to go to work making Volvo's?

- Are you sick and tired of hearing the mooselimb call to prayer five times a day?

- Are you fed up with the rising crime rates, sexual assault, and rape in your cities - mostly from members of the "religion of peace"?

- Are you disgusted with your soy boy politicians that refuse to resist Nazi Angela Merkel's calls for "diversity"?

Let's face it, Sweden is fast becoming a shithole country like the rest of Europe and the EU and it's time to get out now before it gets much worse. Freehold, Iowa and the Landover Baptist Church is offering Asylum to all straight Swedish women.

- Thankfully Sweden kicked out the cathylicks, joined the Protestant reformation - and you're one step closer to becoming a True Christian™ and assuring yourself a place in Heaven.

- Freehold is mooselimb free, has low taxes, offers free firearms training, and Trump has promised that America will never be a socialist country.

- Freehold has a large population of virile single and straight manly men that are looking for wives to produce Soldiers for Christ.

- It's been said that blonds have more fun, and there is plenty of fun right here in Freehold - with its many minstrel shows, festive book burnings, Bible (KJV1611) festivals, and Bible re-enactment pageants.

- Bring all your favorite Swedish meatball recipes, they will be a hit with all our Church potlucks and will be a welcome addition to the soy free diets of our Christian citizens.

There is no time like the present to sign up now, introduce yourself and post your picture - you're one step away from being granted asylum and moving to a new life in Freehold.