My Son Needs A Christian Woman

[H. Montague Worthington]

Brothers and Sisters:

My son Herbert, Jr. is a 31-year old public relations executive on the West Coast, and he needs a loving Christian woman that wants a large Christian family and knows her way around a kitchen. Gosh-- he would just kill me if he knew I was trying to fix him up!!



Herbert (back row, far right) is very busy with his work, too busy for girlfriends, he says. He does something with the dairy industry in San Francisco-- working on legislation with some organization that involves milk. As such, he mostly associates with other manly men-- you know, dairy farmers, motorcycle riders, policemen, construction workers, lumberjacks, etc.

[Brother Love]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

Brother Montague you and I need to have a frank talk. Sadly, brother, sometimes things are NOT what they might seem and sometimes people LIE. Your son is lying to ya brother. I'm not going to beat around the bushes on this but it appears to me that your son has been hood-winked into the HOMERSEXUAL "community." Now, don't get upset and out of wack, brother. There ARE things we can do about this. I'll get with the LBC DOF and discuss kidnapping...I mean "liberating" your son from San FranFago. Now, if they won't do it I got two boys...I mean deacons...that will do it for sure. The FIRST STEP is to get your son OUT of Freako and then we can all work on him turning him to JESUS. Soon he'll be on his knees tasting the LOVE of our Savior and he won't be disappointed, brother!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

Brothers and Sisters:

My son Herbert, Jr. is a 31-year old public relations executive on the West Coast, and he needs a loving Christian woman that wants a large Christian family and knows her way around a kitchen. Gosh-- he would just kill me if he knew I was trying to fix him up!!



Herbert (back row, far right) is very busy with his work, too busy for girlfriends, he says. He does something with the dairy industry in San Francisco-- working on legislation with some organization that involves milk. As such, he mostly associates with other manly men-- you know, dairy farmers, motorcycle riders, policemen, construction workers, lumberjacks, etc.

What a fine and Godly looking son you have! I wonder, has he met any True Christian womenfolk out there in Sin Francisco? I imagine it'd be most difficult . . . but were he to meet one, I'd wager he'd find that she'd save him time, what with the cooking and cleaning and such, and she'd stay out of his way when he needed to work, or hang with the boys!

Perhaps B-J would like to have Herbert join him and his pals on one of their weekend fishing trips? I hear they have a grand time . . . B-J's been telling me about catching some real whoppers!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

Monty, I'd hazard a guess that the only interest your son would have in a woman would be as a buddy or possibly to exchange fashion and/or grooming tips.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

Monty, I'd hazard a guess that the only interest your son would have in a woman would be as a buddy or possibly to exchange fashion and/or grooming tips.

Is someone jealous because they know they could never in a million years (or a day, according to evilutionists) attract such a burning hunk of heterosexual Christian manhood?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.

But you can court all the TC men you want, BT.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.

But you can court all the TC men you want, BT.

You're darned right he'll court them, Helsinki! He'll court them with Jesus' love, steering them clear of your witchery and into Jesus' strong, manly arms!

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.

Your supposed husband can be nothing more than a limp wrist sissy to allow his property to come here to God's forum make a whore of yourself before the free world. You're imaginary husband isn't half as manly or hunky as Brother Worthington's totally heterosexual son. What man would tolerate a wife who shamelessly throws here diseased cooter at married men in a church(yes, this forum is a church) no less?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

*snip* Idiocy *snip*

I told you, the leprechauns told me to scare you and BJ. And now they're telling me to set fire to your house.

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

Rachael? Would you please stop trying to lure True Christains™ from the path to salvation? You just aren't Jessica Hahn material, and we definately aren't Jim Baker. If you want to be beautiful, get right with Jesus first. Then all your problems will disappear.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?

What's that Holy Spirit? You want me to find some unsaved redneck to sodomize her dogs?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

You keep your rednecks AWAY from my rottweilers!!! If those rednecks get close to Daisy and Raptor, I'll be picking pieces of redneck from my yard for weeks!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

I do NOT know what you're talking about-- my son is a manly man! Just because he works in San Francisco does not mean he's not a real man. Just because he's never had a relationship with a woman for more than three weeks since high school doesn't mean anything. Just because he has lived with a man with a lisp named Mitch since 1996 is irrelevant. The fact that everytime I call him a man answers the phone and there is throbbing disco music blaring so loud that I can barely hear him is not proof of ANYTHING!

Ladies-- there is an eligible Christian bachelor, who is a very good provider living with 5 motorcycle men in San Francisco.... any Christian ladies out there interested?

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman

I told you, the leprechauns told me to scare you and BJ. And now they're telling me to set fire to your house.

I am fully aware of your perverted code, wench!!! Set fire to your house is code for "put on a strap on a sodomize you while pretending to be riding a donkey". Does your depravity and lust for me have no bounds?!?!? Lord, save me!!!

What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?

Her "Rottweilers" are clearly her chestal globules!!! Now you're sexually harassing the good Rev?!?!?! Does your libido know no limits?!?!?