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  • #1

    Meet My Niece Gracie

    Hello Brothers and Sisters.

    It is with good news I post this ad. My True Christian™ Niece is looking for a new fiancee!

    Our prayers were answered last week when her Unsaved, Hellbound boyfriend was sent home to Hell in an unfortunate hunting accident. I don't know why, but it seems we get a lot of those around here.

    Anyway, here is a picture of my sweet little niece. If you are interested in courting precious little Gracie, please post here what you will expect of her as a GODLY wife and what you have to offer her. As you can see she is a very good cook and loves the outdoors and guns. She is also ready to start bearing new warriors for CHRIST!

    GLORY!!!!!!!

    P/S: please forgive her provacative pose, however she thought it might attract more potential True Christian™ husbands. You know how kids are these days.

    Lve, Sister Thumper
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  • #2
    Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

    Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
    Hello Brothers and Sisters.

    It is with good news I post this ad. My True Christian™ Niece is looking for a new fiancee!

    Our prayers were answered last week when her Unsaved, Hellbound boyfriend was sent home to Hell in an unfortunate hunting accident. I don't know why, but it seems we get a lot of those around here.

    Anyway, here is a picture of my sweet little niece. If you are interested in courting precious little Gracie, please post here what you will expect of her as a GODLY wife and what you have to offer her. As you can see she is a very good cook and loves the outdoors and guns. She is also ready to start bearing new warriors for CHRIST!

    GLORY!!!!!!!

    P/S: please forgive her provacative pose, however she thought it might attract more potential True Christian™ husbands. You know how kids are these days.

    Lve, Sister Thumper
    What a nice picture! I certainly see the family resemblance, but that pose might be a little TOO provocative.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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    • #3
      Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

      Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
      please post here what you will expect of her as a GODLY wife and what you have to offer her.
      Praise sister! Not often a looker like her comes on the market available.
      My neighbour is looking for a new love in his life and at 75 years, he's a bit slow but apparently still has plenty of Seed left PLUS his own teeth!
      He asked if you'd take an 89 Chevy Pick-up as an exchange. 4 good tires and only just had a new Battery fitted

      Sister Talitha

      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


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      • #4
        Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

        You have a very attractive niece, Sister Thumper. But her photo is a little provocative for my tastes. Sure, the automatic weapon and the camo says, "I'm Godly and a True Christian(tm)," but the hiked-up denim skirt says, "I'm likely to sass talk or take a peek during the act of child creation." Am I wrong? Perhaps I could have the army fly her to Baghdad for a meeting if she's interested in an up-and-coming Young Republican.

        In the meantime, I'm going to pin up this picture in my room, if she doesn't mind.
        Founder and CEO of Trickle-Down Charities™, LLC.

        Current Project: Bedmates For Billionaires: Biblical eldercare straight from King David
        Goal:         $500,000 Currently raised: $0.11 DONATE NOW! Yes, we accept Biblecoins!

        True Christians™ believe they they exist to serve the Bible-revealed will of God.
        False Christians believe the Bible exists to serve their will. GOD IS NOT YOUR YES-MAN!

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        • #5
          Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

          Originally posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post

          You have a very attractive niece, Sister Thumper. But her photo is a little provocative for my tastes. Sure, the automatic weapon and the camo says, "I'm Godly and a True Christian™," but the hiked-up denim skirt says, "I'm likely to sass talk or take a peek during the act of child creation." Am I wrong? Perhaps I could have the army fly her to Baghdad for a meeting if she's interested in an up-and-coming Young Republican.

          In the meantime, I'm going to pin up this picture in my room, if she doesn't mind.
          Gosh Mr Trent, you have excellent taste in the ladies! Can we expect a lvematch on Landover in the near future?

          ... best of luck to you both, noddy
          Last edited by Sister Noddy; 08-28-2007, 07:16 PM.
          1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
          1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...

          1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

          Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
          Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

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          • #6
            Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

            No offence but searching for love on a forum is dispeared. But when I saw her picture I knew why she searched it on a forum

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            • #7
              Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

              Originally posted by Karo View Post
              No offence but searching for love on a forum is dispeared.
              Don't worry, people usually have to be able to understand what you're saying before they can get offended.
              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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              • #8
                Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                Originally posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
                You have a very attractive niece, Sister Thumper. But her photo is a little provocative for my tastes. Sure, the automatic weapon and the camo says, "I'm Godly and a True Christian™," but the hiked-up denim skirt says, "I'm likely to sass talk or take a peek during the act of child creation." Am I wrong? Perhaps I could have the army fly her to Baghdad for a meeting if she's interested in an up-and-coming Young Republican.

                In the meantime, I'm going to pin up this picture in my room, if she doesn't mind.

                GLORY Brother Trent!

                I just talked to Gracie and she'd love to go to Baghdad for an interview and is very interested in dating an up-and-coming young Republican!

                She also said she would love to send you more photos. I just pm'ed you with her email addy.

                Oh, I just looooove young love! You two would make a DARLING couple!

                Delighted, Sister Thumper
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                • #9
                  Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                  Originally posted by Karo View Post
                  No offence but searching for love on a forum is dispeared. But when I saw her picture I knew why she searched it on a forum
                  I don't understand you, Karosyrup. You accuse us of attacking people when all we've done is to judge righteous judgment by pointing out that they're hellbound trash, but then you judge poor Gracie according to her appearance.

                  John 7:24: Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
                  This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                  Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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                  • #10
                    Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                    Oh! Oh! I have a cousin that would probably like her!!
                    His name is Weight Watchers.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                      Well, She is defininately American I'll give her that, Americans = Fat.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                        Originally posted by SoccerItalia View Post
                        Well, She is defininately American I'll give her that, Americans = Fat.
                        Where is all your professed Christian "love" and tolerance? According to you "Americans are 80% European", so does this mean "Europeans = Fat"?

                        The last time I checked your were Gonged, who let you back in here? Did you give false testimony to one of the Pastors to get yourself back in?
                        Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
                        brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
                        ...and get off my lawn
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                        • #13
                          Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                          I don't hate Americans, Infact my family are from Little Sicily, New york.

                          I just don't like Americans who are big headed and think Christianity is the best and racist.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                            Originally posted by SoccerItalia View Post
                            think Christianity is the best
                            So you're saying Jesus was wrong when He said that He is the ONLY WAY?
                            And you dare call yourself a Christian? (Or well.. a cathylick.. But according to yourself, you're Christian. Even if you aren't.)
                            Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 08-31-2007, 06:54 AM.
                            If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                            A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                            Proverbs 9:12-13

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                            • #15
                              Re: Meet My Niece Gracie

                              Originally posted by SoccerItalia View Post
                              I don't hate Americans, Infact my family are from Little Sicily, New york.

                              I just don't like Americans who are big headed and think Christianity is the best and racist.
                              Wait a second. You are Sicilian BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS FROM LITTLE SICILY, NEW YORK, USA?!?!?!?!?

                              You dumbass. Get out of here before I ban your black butt for eternity!
                              Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                              "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                              Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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