[MarkBroccardo]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

The only money problem God has is the existence of hook-nosed swindlers like yourself, who love money and worldly goods more than the Baby Jesus.

Wow, I see that you like to refer to Jesus as "Baby Jesus". That's great! I prefer the Christmas Jesus too.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Since when does almight God have money problems?

The only money problem God has is the existence of hook-nosed swindlers like yourself, who love money and worldly goods more than the Baby Jesus.

[Anna Marie Raven]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

See Mark? Through God, all things are possible!

[JudasReborn]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Since when does almight God have money problems?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

But Pastor, didn't you say that if I tithed enough that I might be able to earn the favor and forgiveness of God? I really don't want to spend eternity drowning in that lake of fire. I mean, if it meant paying my entire life's savings of $363.62 to God's work, I would pay it just to be spared from that lake of burning brimstone. It doesn't sound like a very fun place to go swimming in.

Don't mock us, heathen. You haven't tithed one red cent. Also you haven't even opened a Bible. Now get with the program, you hideous creature.

[MarkBroccardo]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Since both of you are unsaved scum in the loving eyes of Jesus, then by all means got for it. You will both spend eternity in a lake of fire anyway, as will any future spawn.

But Pastor, didn't you say that if I tithed enough that I might be able to earn the favor and forgiveness of God? I really don't want to spend eternity drowning in that lake of fire. I mean, if it meant paying my entire life's savings of $363.62 to God's work, I would pay it just to be spared from that lake of burning brimstone. It doesn't sound like a very fun place to go swimming in.

[MarkBroccardo]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Hon, I'm flattered beyond anythin', but jus cuz you can't get a lady don't mean ye gotta go worshipin' Satan!
I'm sure that after awhile o' lovin Jesus (and plenty o' tithin') you'll attract the attention of a fine young True Christian lady, an' have a whole pasal o' critters to glorify our Lord.

As a matter of fact Anna, last night I prayed to God and asked him to send me a god-fearing smoking hot lady friend, and this morning I got a message from a woman on one of the dating websites that I subscribe to. She said that she loves Jesus and was very interested in a long term relationship. Here is a pic that she sent me:



While she may not be as fine as you are Anna, she is better than what I currently have which is nobody. Hallelujiah! God still answers prayers!

[Anna Marie Raven]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

I have been a Christian now for two months, and Jesus has not done anything to cure my acne-pocked face. I feel like my faith is getting weak, and satan's offer to heal my face is getting tempting. I would love to be able to sack a fine looking lady such as Anna Marie Raven. Could satan do that for me?

Hon, I'm flattered beyond anythin', but jus cuz you can't get a lady don't mean ye gotta go worshipin' Satan!
I'm sure that after awhile o' lovin Jesus (and plenty o' tithin') you'll attract the attention of a fine young True Christian lady, an' have a whole pasal o' critters to glorify our Lord.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek;and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. -Matthew 7:7-8

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

I have been a Christian now for two months, and Jesus has not done anything to cure my acne-pocked face. I feel like my faith is getting weak, and satan's offer to heal my face is getting tempting. I would love to be able to sack a fine looking lady such as Anna Marie Raven. Could satan do that for me?

Since both of you are unsaved scum in the loving eyes of Jesus, then by all means got for it. You will both spend eternity in a lake of fire anyway, as will any future spawn.

[MarkBroccardo]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Hmmm, you accepted Jesus and what did he give you...a face as ugly as sin. Listen, turn away from a holy life (a simple selling of the soul is all that's required) and you can have anything you want -- including a face that doesn't induce vomitting. I did just that and now live a life of luxury and hedonism and I've gotta say it feels great.

I have been a Christian now for two months, and Jesus has not done anything to cure my acne-pocked face. I feel like my faith is getting weak, and satan's offer to heal my face is getting tempting. I would love to be able to sack a fine looking lady such as Anna Marie Raven. Could satan do that for me?

[Mike Hunt]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Brother Mark,

I feel your pain. And for you kids out there, this is what drugs, secular humanism and worship of that Dawkins dork gets you.

I can only imagine the horrified looks that the local women folk give you. Perhaps it might even look something like this: . I'm sure it is difficult for you. You might have even found it necessary to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the family dog to play with you. That must have been very difficult for you.

Brother, if you just draw a happy face on a large paper bag and place it over your head every time you dare to leave your house, you will find yourself a good Christian woman.

Be sure to pray...a lot. Trust in God. That's really your only recourse. I'm sure you have inner beauty, if you dig deep enough. But you may need a really big shovel.

Best of luck.

YIC, Brother Hunt.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Friend, where is your Christian love and compassion? Don't you know that Jesus told us to love our neighbours?

Well, I think there is a thread (or multiple ones) that state what a neighbor is and I'm pretty sure none of these Christians accept me as a neighbor. This is most likely due to the fact that I'm not christian (far from it in fact), and why I don't exhibit "Christian love or compassion". Not that I even particularly care what your saviour preached.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

*sigh* some days I almost envy people whose bubbles of existance are as small as yours. It's the damndest thing though, what I can't figure out is why you are so concerned with your "boogymen" and not more worried about making sure you get to Heaven. Tell me Brother, have you read your Bible today? Maybe you should pay less attention to the news and more attention to your religious studies. If the world goes to Hell in a handbasket that their problem, as long as you're saved you've sitting pretty right?

Friend, where is your Christian love and compassion? Don't you know that Jesus told us to love our neighbours?

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Dawkins is no politician dumbass. He is a secular scientist and he insists on using logic and facts to attack Christianity by proving there is no supernatural. Since the cowardly bastard insists on living in England we can’t get him into court and do justice which is an outrage. His books make the top seller lists and atheism has been shooting off like weed in this country. The man in a mental pervert, God only gave us those facts to help celebrate Him, not attack him.

As for Hillary Clinton she a woman and no fifty year man, no many how many other women she humps. She’s nobodies puppet, at lest nobody good. She out there to turn all our daughters into jackbooted, femnazi, lesbians like her by socializing our medicine. The fact that she is not a puppet is why she is evil because if she was a good person she would listen to us and Jesus, like GW Bush does, and not having opinions of her own. If she becomes president we will be right back in the economic disaster of the ‘90s and those crushing balanced budgets. We’ll mind as start opening the soup kitchens right now for the masses of 3% unemployed.

That goes for that drunken walrus Ted Kennedy too, he’s out of control. Instead of knuckling down and listing to good people like us he insists on doing his own evil nonsense. All that helping the poor and other anti-Christian crap. He’s just plane evil and Jesus hates him! That’s what you get for letting a Catholic into government.

*sigh* some days I almost envy people whose bubbles of existance are as small as yours. It's the damndest thing though, what I can't figure out is why you are so concerned with your "boogymen" and not more worried about making sure you get to Heaven. Tell me Brother, have you read your Bible today? Maybe you should pay less attention to the news and more attention to your religious studies. If the world goes to Hell in a handbasket that their problem, as long as you're saved you've sitting pretty right?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Ready to make a commitment

Anyway, my Dick is bigger than yours’.

I LOVE that pic of him Brother BJ. He looks like he is talking like a Pirate.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg