The War On (Normal) Marriage

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Single Brothers and sisters, I know all of you are eager and anxious to find the one Jesus wants you to wed. I need to offer you a bit of Pastoral counseling on the subject before you get caught up in something that will put your marriage, indeed ALL marriage in jeopardy.

All of you have doubtless heard that there is a war going on: A War on NORMAL Marriage. One front of that war is with the queers who demand the special privilege of getting married in the sight of God the way NORMAL people do (folks like us).

Another front in the War on Marriage is between Christians (more Normal people) and unsaved heathen scum. These UHS couples are Man and woman alright, but they are also God mockers, goth tards, wiccians and just plain perverts. They don't know how to get married the Normal way. They go to great lengths and vast expense to make a mockery of weddings before God.

The video below shows in graphic detail how these unsaved heathen scum couples are openly attacking and debasing the Christian tradition of NORMAL weddings.

Brothers and sisters, this is what NOT to do.

[The Widow Anna]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Are you sure the Super Mario Brothers wedding cake, is not for some queer couple? It looks strikingly so to me, especially having read the recent thread about that blight here on Landover's forums.

My wedding was very traditional, with a white gown, black tuxedo for Able and a 3 tiered, white frosted sponge cake I made myself. However, I did happen to notice, after making it, that I was missing the bandaid which covered a small mole on my thumb. According to my mother, it turned up on the plate of my heathen niece. Her 'just desserts', courtesy of God!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Amen Pastor Zeke!

Look at THIS abomination. Have you ever seen anything so sickening?!?

I can't tell if they are two men or two women...? Either way they are going straight to HELL!

Disgusted!
Sister Thumper

[Talitha]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Darn Sister Thumper! That's one awful picture. I bet they play with each other's Wii's every single night.

Why are Homers always so ugly? I guess God made them that way.

Jesus Weeps

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Are you sure the Super Mario Brothers wedding cake, is not for some queer couple?

There is a photo in which the men are all wearing plaid skirts. That's queer.

[sinner]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Amen Pastor Zeke!

Look at THIS abomination. Have you ever seen anything so sickening?!?

I can't tell if they are two men or two women...? Either way they are going straight to HELL!

Disgusted!
Sister Thumper

You silly Sista, don't you realize those are Pat and Pat from that Ungodly program for unsaved heathens "Saturday Night Life"?

_____________________________




"AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters." -- Rev Jerry Falwell

[caitlin]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Zeke! Wanna hook up?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Zeke! Wanna hook up?

No.

[Seeker]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Zeke! Wanna hook up?

He is already spoken for.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Single Brothers and sisters, I know all of you are eager and anxious to find the one Jesus wants you to wed. I need to offer you a bit of Pastoral counseling on the subject before you get caught up in something that will put your marriage, indeed ALL marriage in jeopardy.

All of you have doubtless heard that there is a war going on: A War on NORMAL Marriage. One front of that war is with the queers who demand the special privilege of getting married in the sight of God the way NORMAL people do (folks like us).

Another front in the War on Marriage is between Christians (more Normal people) and unsaved heathen scum. These UHS couples are Man and woman alright, but they are also God mockers, goth tards, wiccians and just plain perverts. They don't know how to get married the Normal way. They go to great lengths and vast expense to make a mockery of weddings before God.

The video below shows in graphic detail how these unsaved heathen scum couples are openly attacking and debasing the Christian tradition of NORMAL weddings.

Brothers and sisters, this is what NOT to do.

So now you want to dictate not only which consenting adults can and can't legally marry, but also what does and does not constitute valid wedding clothing, ceremonies, and refreshments? A couple's wedding should reflect the things about each other that made them fall in love.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Dear Friend,

couple's wedding should reflect the things about each other that made them fall in love.

I assume you and the (other) Mrs. With Joy had roofie-tinged punch and an all-you-can eat tuna buffet on your happy occassion?

Yours in Him,
bab

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Dear Friend,



I assume you and the (other) Mrs. With Joy had roofie-tinged punch and an all-you-can eat tuna buffet on your happy occassion?

Yours in Him,
bab

Actually, my husband and I had champagne, dark beer, and sake for guests who wanted alcohol, herbal tea, milk, and juice for those who didn't want alcohol, cucumber sandwiches, spinach-artichoke dip on whole-wheat crackers, corn chips and salsa, and an assortment of raw veggies. We opted not to have a cake, since neither of us are very fond of sweets.

[Roberta]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Nothing at all wrong with that, Dancer. Trying to save the old man a few bob, were you?

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Here in the Godforsaken wens of Oregon the state legislature has legalized homosexual domestic partnership. Our misgovernment has officially given its stamp of approval to perversion, deviance, abominations, corruption, and sin.

Governor Kulongoski has personally spit right in Christ's eye.

Now if one fuggort has a good job, and the God smites his partner in sin with a sickness so that his bowels fall out day by day (as He smote King Jehoram), then the first fuggort can make his employer's health insurance pay to fix his partner's faulty innards.

That's just wrong! If God wants to smite a fuggort with a sore disease of the bowels then the government has NO BUSINESS interfering with the smiting process! Let 'em die, that's what the government should do!

Marriage is between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN (except in the case of Solomon, in which case it was between ONE KING and 700 WOMEN).

It is not between one drag-queen and one nancy-boy; or between one tattooed bulldyke and one hippie girl with hairy legs; or even between one filthy British sailor, one jewelry-store nigra pimp, one pouting catamite in satin pedal-pushers, one Catholic monsignor who likes to be whipped, and one mange-afflicted miniature donkey! That is just perversion!

There is a war on. It is a war against timeless, eternal moral values. God's law never changes. If we just look at history, that is obvious.

In the 1200s Christians knew the Bible said to kill witches, and so they kilt them.

In the 1400s Christians knew the Bible said slavery is OK, so they had slaves.

God's law is timeless, unchanging, and eternal, and that's how we know that in the 21st century honoring same-sex marriage is against God's law. You can't just walk away from scripture because the culture of the day says the laws in scripture are inegalitarian. If you do that, then you admit that Christianity is subservient to society, that the laws Jesus said shall never change are in fact as changeable as hemlines, and -- ultimately -- that God is nothing but a cultural artifact.

That is why the war to preserve one-man one-woman marriage is important. It is a fight between those who know God's law has always been eternal and immutable, and those who worship the Enlightenment idea that man can better his social lot.

MARRIAGE! It's not for goats, it's for ONE MAN ---> ONE WOMAN!

Shout Hallelujah!

~~ OEJ

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: The War On (Normal) Marriage

Nothing at all wrong with that, Dancer. Trying to save the old man a few bob, were you?

Not just economizing, although we did want to keep the wedding expenditures within reasonable limits - we wanted our wedding to be as much our creation as our relationship is.
We wrote our own vows, held the ceremony in our living room, and prepared all the food for the reception ourselves. We used our good china, crystal, and silver for the reception - none of that disposable crap.